The Morning Rush

It was cold and dark in the early winter morning. The stars were brilliant in the clear crisp air as the headlights snapped on when the engine started in a muffled rumble. As the car eased around the unpaved driveway, the crunch of gravel broke what remained of the early morning quiet. Pausing only for a moment at the edge of the driveway, and taking a quick check in both directions, the car launched onto the asphalt and ramped up speed quickly. The long commute out of town began once again.

Few if any cars would be on the roads this early in the morning and the driver was going to take advantage of the situation. Coming to the stop sign just down the road from his house, he waited for one car to roll by and then punched it, giving a short squeal of tires as he headed up the main route. Knowing that 4 hours of driving lay in front of him, he was trying to shave minutes off the drive and was pushing the speed limits as he set off into the darkness.

A few turns and a couple of shortcuts later, the driver and car began a near hour long trek through the dark country side before the lights of the Interstate junction would break the monotony of the morning.

Knowing this route well, each turn, each pothole, and where the cops can hide, he hurtled through the darkness. Inside, the heater was blowing, the MP3 player was belting out deep bass on the car's sound system, and the GPS display matched each nuance of the road's path through the foot hills.

Speed limit 55, that's ridiculous...
The driver kept a watch on the road and his gauges. Looking for any sign of deer, road hazards, and cops, he pushed well past the speed limit.

79, that's enough, I don't want to be stupid about it, but its pointless to go 55 here.

Several minutes and quite a few miles pass as he pressed on. The engine of this former police cruiser was barely getting a workout. This engine and this car can handle speed. It holds to the road and it handles well.

Headlights? Coming up from behind?

At first only a single pair of headlights back in the distance could be seen. A few more minutes pass and a second set appeared right behind the first.

No one in their right mind would be gaining on me. Not at this speed.

Easing off the gas, the car rolled along, dropping speed slowly.

Dang! 59 and these guys are right on me. Maybe they will pass.

Keeping a close watch on the speed, hovering just above 55 but not too much, these three were the only cars on the road.

Why won't he just pass me? Oh crap...

The blue lights came on both cars running behind him as they neared a church. With a knot in the pit of his stomach, the driver pulled into the church parking lot, came round a median, and stopped with easy access back out onto the road. Both police cruisers rolled in behind him with their headlights filling his car interior and the side floods turn on as well.

She's gonna kill me, I know she's gonna kill me. She told me to not get a ticket.

As he turned off the MP3 player and fumbled for the registration from the glove box, the driver took a quick look in the side mirrors. The cops from the first car were already out of their vehicle. The driver was walking forward with one hand carrying what seemed to be an overly large flashlight in one hand, and his other hand on his holster. His partner lingered back on the other side of the car in similar form, again with one hand on his weapon.

Oh crap! This doesn't look right.
Finding the registration finally, he took another look in the mirrors. The cops from the second car had emerged from their vehicle, but were standing behind their doors.

What are they expecting? Are these guys really serious?.
As the cop approached the open window, he shone the flashlight all around the inside and outside of the car.

"You were going pretty fast back there mister."

Oh crap!
Blurting out "I'm sorry!" he handed his license and registration over to the policeman.

"So... do you have some reason that you need to be going so fast? Some place you need to be? Or not be?"

"No sir. I am so sorry."

"So, are you on your way to work then?"

"Yes sir. I have a long commute. I am headed over to Raleigh."

"Did you know your inspection sticker has expired?"

"What? Oh crap! No sir! I am so sorry."

I think I am so going to jail this morning.
"So you are just on your way to work. Tell me, did you pass any cars along the road? Specifically, did you pass any little silver cars? Possibly with the back window blown out of it?"

Dang. Window blown out? Like shot out?
"No sir, not that I recall. In fact, except for you guys, I haven't seen any other cars on the road."

"Do you realize how fast you were going back there?"

"Yes sir. And I am so sorry."

"Tell me... do you have a cell phone?"

What?
"A cell phone? Yes sir I do."

"Would you do us a favor then? If you see a little silver car somewhere along the road, would you call in and report it? Don't stop or go near it, but just call it in?"

"... Sure... do I just dial 911?"

"Yes, that will do. If you see a car like that, just call 911 and tell them about where you saw it. Will you do that for us?

"Absolutely."

"Ok then. Now listen... I want you to slow down. It is dangerous to drive that fast on this road. So get on to work and watch your speed. Ok?"

"Yes sir. I will."

As he fumbled putting the registration back in the glove box, he pondered these last few minutes.

Dang. They are looking for someone. And if they had not been looking for someone... oh crap.
Looking all around, he watched the officers get back in their vehicles. He looked up and down the road, and eased onto the asphalt once again. No squealing tires, no fast acceleration, no sudden moves of any kind. Just slow and easy. For the last 15 miles of this leg of the drive, his top speed was 55.

The morning had started with a rush. But this most recent delay to his commute was more of a rush than he anticipated or wanted. And fortunately, the remaining 3 hours of his trek were boring and uneventful and within all speed limits.

Arriving at the office half-way across the state, he was greeted with "You're a little late aren't you?"

"Oh well. Stuff happens."



Copyright 2008, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)

More Linux To Ponder

I cannot believe it. Someone actually asked me something about my last post (A Year In Linux) and wanted to know what Linux applications I typically load and run. Not one to remain silent, I am providing said list at this time.

All you non-nerds, just stop reading now. It will only bore you and you will whine.

When I think of the entire set of applications/packages that I load, I find four basic categories: office, connectivity, development, and other. The development category includes software related to software development and computer programming. The office category includes software related to documents, diagrams, spreadsheets, etc. The Connectivity category includes software related to communicating with others via computer. And the "other" category is... other things... like music players, games, useful utilities.

Note eveything I use and list here is open source and thus available for free use.

Office:

• OpenOffice, possibly the best desktop office suite on any and all platforms, surpasses commercial products
• Like Microsoft Office, but simply better, and free.
• database app, rival to MS Access
• presentation app, rival to PowerPoint
• word processor app, rival to MS Word
• spreadsheet app, rival to MS Excel
• AbiWord, a lightweight, but complete word processor, faster than most others
• Like Microsoft Word, without the bloat, bugs, and wait times.
• GIMP, the best open source image editing software, rivals commercial products
• Don't know of a close Windows comparison, GIMP is far beyond the capabilities of Paint and PhotoEdit.
• Dia Diagram Editor
• This is probably the closest thing to Visio you will find in the open source world.
• Inkscape Vector Illustrator
• Another diagramming tool I use at times instead of Dia.
• Planner
• A project management tool like MS Project that I only recently started using.

Connectivity:

• Firefox, the best web browser currently in existence
• MS Explorer has slowly been imitating Firefox in all areas but one: standards compliance - MS simply will not produce a web-standards compliant web browser.
• Evolution, an email client that does nearly everything
• Like Microsoft Outlook (or is that MS Lookout!), even handles MS Exchange and MS Calendar.
• Pidgen
• This is an all-in-one instant messaging app that used to be called gaim, combines AIM, Yahoo, Google, and other chat systems under one application allowing you to do all your instant messaging from multiple accounts in one place.
• Skype
• This is the same voice over IP software Windows PC users use, just built specifically for Linux, allows you to make and receive voice calls.
• Thunderbird, another email client
• Normally I have used this email client exclusively and it is far superior to many others in feature and stability. However here at work I need a closer hook up with MS Exchange and so Evolution is my email client of choice here at work, but at home, I use Thunderbird.

Development:

• gcc/g++, the GNU C and C++ compilers and associated libraries
• This is standard fare for Linux programmers, and very useful for users adding custom apps.
• GVim, the graphical version of the VIM (vi Improved) text editor
• Yes this is a modern day version of the venerable vi text editor, on steroids, yes I use it.
• GHex, a binary file editor
• Sometimes you really need to look into a file and see what is there when nothing else will read it
• Subversion, a revision control system
• This is what we use to manage the software code base we write. Most of our company uses ClearCase, but we have moved all our Linux work to Subversion because it is easier to use, easier to administer, and overall more stable and better integrated with our Linux desktops.
• kdesvn, a Subversion client
• This is the best graphical Subversion client I have found, made for the KDE desktop, but works wonderfully with Gnome as well.
• kompare, a graphical difference tool
• This works in conjunction with kdesvn and shows differences between revisions of files, makes kdesvn a snap to use.
• kdiff3, a file merge tool
• This tool allows you to merge 2 or 3 different files into one file, programmers know what pains merge tools can be, this one is excellent, but merging is always painful.
• Anjuta, a programmer's integrated developmen environment (IDE)
• Like MS Visual Studio, but different, I use this for small projects but not for the bigger ones where SlickEdit (a non-free, commercial development IDE tool) is much better to use.
• I am still looking for the dream IDE, Eclipse is not it.

Other:

• Amarok, one of the best music players available for Linux
• Made for KDE desktop, but I use daily in Gnome, fast, stable, and works well.
• Audacity Sound Editor
• The best free audio editing software I have ever found.
• Nautilus Extensions
• These are extensions to the Nautilus File Browser (think Windows File Manager) that provide some useful right-click context menu add-ons.
• Games
• There are a good number of simple, yet enjoyable games that come with Ubuntu Linux, but I did add a few, it simply depends on what you like to do during lunch at your desk.
• Other Utilities
• I also load other utilities that I have written and continue to write. These include BASH scripts and small programs for various things.

Well there it is, my list of applications and packages I add every time I build up a Linux desktop. I probably left out something and will have to edit this later. But for now, I think its fairly complete. Your mileage may vary.
I hope this proves useful to someone, somewhere. Actually, in a few months, when I reload a box with Linux, I will probably have to come back to this list to remember something I forgot to load.


Copyright 2008, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)

A Year In Linux

Today I was talking technical with a colleague and we were discussing everything from web site programming to computer operating systems. We talked about all aspects of software and even computer hardware. Yes. It was one of those "geek sessions". And I say that with pride.

During this conversation, I related the fact that I had been at the company for just over a year. And during my entire year at this company I have used a Linux desktop exclusively the entire time. I had a dual boot machine available to use Windows, but I only booted it into Windows once and that was only a specific task. So for almost 54 weeks straight now, my primary desktop computer has had some flavor of Linux running on it: OpenSuse on my primary desktop machine, and Ubuntu on my secondary desktop machine.

Just to note, I am a software developer and because of this, I often use two (or more) computers at any one time to develop and test software. So a second machine is not a luxury, its a requirement.

About 10 months ago I loaded Xubuntu Linux on an old laptop to breathe life back into it. That old Toshiba laptop had 128 MB of RAM and ran a 650 MHz processor. When Windows ran on it, it was to put it in my favorite way of describing it "pig-dog slow". I don't really know what "pig-dog slow" would really mean, but I mean it as "so slow it would make you want to jump out in front of a bus".

But Xubuntu (with alternate text install) ran very well on that old laptop. And a few months later I upped the RAM to a total of 384 MB and "bam!" it ran even better. I know, I borrowed that quote from some other guy who has nothing to do with computing, but oh well.

The point is, after 54 weeks of primary usage on a Linux desktop I have come to some conclusions and I thought I would record them here. So the next part is called:

Five Things I Learned From Using Linux Exclusively For An Entire Year
or
How To Get Fresh Air Without Opening Windows

1. I did not have to change WHAT I do on the computer, but I did adapt HOW I do things on the computer.

The thing I believe is most important to many people is "do I have to change?". What I found is "yes, you do have to adapt." But what I also found out is that the adaptation was not hard and was not so utterly complex that average people could not manage it. Clearly, average people manage much more complex systems every day in all facets of life. So while some change is needed, you don't have to reinvent your basic processes.

2. I experienced far fewer system lockups and crashes than I ever did running Windows.

I will tell you that yes in fact, I did have system failures. But I will also point out that all of them were related to desktop applications and all failures except for two (yes 2) were resolved with one of single most magnificent features of the Linux desktop: killing the display server with a ctl-alt-backspace three-finger salute. What that does is kill the GUI and leave the OS up and humming. So all I had to do was "login" again. No reboot was necessary except for the 2 times noted. I think I lock up the desktop about once a month.

3. There are software applications for Linux that really are superior to the Microsoft offerings.

I have been a long-time OpenOffice user and really find it to be far superior to MS Office, especially since the most recent update to MS Office which made the entire suite nearly unusable. Additionally, Evolution is just as good (or just as bad depending on your position) as MS Outlook. I personally don't like Outlook at all and hence I am not thrilled with Evolution, but it does integrate with MS Exchange mail servers so there is an advantage there. I think I really prefer Thunderbird email client really. But our company uses Exchange and I need the connection to that... sigh. So far the only thing I can't find an equal or better for is Visio - which was bought by MS, not developed by them.

4. Just because you have a zillion choices on how to do things doesn't mean you have to explore them all.

There are hundreds of Linux distributions (called distros) and there are multiple window managers as well as multiple desktop environments for Linux. However, I stuck with the mainline distros and their default setups. I really don't have the time to experiment with all the combinations of these layers of software so I stuck with Ubuntu/Gnome and OpenSuse/Gnome on my desktops and Xubuntu/Xfce4 on my laptop. I am not a big fan of KDE and I can still run all their applications on Gnome and Xfce4 as long as I have the libraries installed. So sticking with the popular distro choices makes the prospect of choosing much easier. And for a MS Windows user, this should seem quite natural because there is only one choice on MS Windows.

5. I found that most of the time the things I do could be done on any desktop operating system.

Email, word processing, web browsing, listening to music, watching videos, photo editing, and even writing software can be done on Linux, BSD, Solaris, Mac OSX, and MS Windows in very, very, similar ways. And I think that because I stick to cross-platform and open source software, I really think it is the application environment that is much more important to most users. The applications I use are portable and so for me, my environment pretty much stays the same regardless of the underlying host operating system.

So there you have it. Completely useless drivel about how I like using Linux and why I no longer care about the OS wars. All the lemmings can use their MS Windows computers and I don't care. All the uber-geek l33t haxors can use their obscure variant distro of Linux and I don't care. The acolytes of Steve Jobs can sway to the groove of their Mac OSX and I don't care. And the gearheads can run all other flavors of Unix and I don't care.

I know what it is I need to do, and I use the tool that is best for me to do it. So there you have it. Not necessarily all that profound or novel. In fact it has been known by tradesmen for centuries. What is this great philosophical conjuration?

Use the right tool for the job.

Now back to work. I have several open terminal windows with command lines staring at me wanting me to compile software. Never fear the command line. The command line is the doorway to real power on a computer and allows entry behind the pre-school widgets that GUIs limit you to.



Copyright 2008, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)

Wrapping It Up

This past Christmas, which wrapped up only last week, was an unusual Christmas for me. We were headed for the hills of West Virginia to spend time with my mother and my kin. We were going to spend Christmas as a family. We were going to spend Christmas together. And we were going to experience some firsts.

This was the first Christmas my step-children got to spend Christmas with my side of the family. This was the first Christmas for my son as an official adult (18 years old). This was the first year in a LONG time I would be able to attend the Christmas family reunion. And sadly, it was the first Christmas without my father.

But before Christmas, our dining room table was a complete mess. Why you ask? Because I was wrapping gifts and had bags, tags, papers, and tape everywhere. And so many others did around the same time in late November and into December. And I was running very late and even was wrapping up things on December 23.

Also, my mother had her own wrapping up to do. She fell a few days before Christmas and fractured the bone leading up to her thumb (or something like that in her wrist/hand). So her right arm was wrapped in a splint-like device and she was not allowed to use her hand as normal. And yes, she is right-handed.

So my wife and I, along with our kids, trundled up into the hills and came to the aid of my mother. We wrapped up party plans, gift plans, visiting, and shopping, and all the little details of life for my mother for Christmas. And we enjoyed every minute of it.

I know my father would have enjoyed being there with all the kids. He would have enjoyed having everyone in the house and all the noise and laughter and even all the tales told. Because when you get a bunch of hillbillies together, you get a lot of tall tales. Some of them might have even had some truth to them.

So my brother and I told the family tales and elaborated on our memories of our father and our adventures together. We told stories of hunting, fishing, building, tearing down, and all other antics of male family life. We want our kids to know my father even if he is not here to tell them himself. You could also say we want our kids to know my father even if he is not here to defend himself.

It was a homespun home-run if you ask me :-)

So once all the packages were opened, all the turkey eaten, all the tales told, and all the joy we could muster had been shared generously, it was time to wrap it up and head back home. We left the tall and steep hills of West Virginia and returned again to the gentler slopes of the foothills in North Carolina.

Pulling into our driveway, there was our hound dog Millie waiting for us. She had been outside for a week and was more than ready to come inside for a change. She is an outside dog and the weather was actually quite pleasant for the time of the year it was. But still, she likes to sleep inside, and she needs at least 18 hours of sleep a day.

It seems as though no sooner had we returned than we were stirring again. The kids were going to a youth camp the next day and were already repacking. The youngest two kids spent those days with their paternal grandparents and so my wife and I had the house alone for two nights. Sleeping in is really awesome. But staying up late is very exciting, if you follow me.

And so our youth finally returned, wrapping up their year with a church camp event and staying up too late and eating way too much candy. The youngest ones wrapped up their year with yet more family. My wife and I wrapped up our year mostly snuggling together whenever we could. And Millie? Well, Millie wrapped up her year the way a hound dog should wrap up their year. She slept from one year to the next.

So 2007 is officially over. It has not been a good year in many ways. And yet there are many positives to it. We pray that 2008 brings us more joy than last year and we can look back on it and say "it was a good year".

And to wrap up this post, I think I will leave this thought: its not the road behind us that really shapes our future, its the choices we make on the road ahead that has the most impact. 


Copyright 2008, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)

Two Years Ago

Two years ago I was living in Texas, preparing for my move to North Carolina and to marry the most wonderful woman I have ever known. I had a truck already reserved and was busy throwing out old things to lessen the load. I sorted and sifted through so many old things I thought I would go insane. I had pitched out and tossed and ejected pile after pile.  There was so much that I was ready to just leave it all behind and let it fill the dumpsters. But in the end, I ended up with a truck load anyway.

So there I was, with my son and my daughter, preparing to start a wholly new chapter in our lives. We were picking up the remnants of our small family, moving across country, and replanting ourselves in new soil.

I was planning on driving the moving truck from Texas to North Carolina myself taking my son along with me. But for my daughter, I was going to send her on ahead by airplane. So by this time two years ago, we had her plane ticket ready as well. There was so much to do for me, and for my soon-to-be wife at the time. She had her own preparations to make, not the least of which was figuring out how to put 5 kids in the limited space in the house.

A little over two years ago, an unsought divorce was finalized, my only means of transportation blew an engine, the last of my grand parents passed away, my teen kids started into public school for the first time in their lives, and I was feeling more and more alone as one by one the important people in my life simply left.

It seems strange now but I am thankful that God molded me the way He did through that time. I had to rely on Him and only Him. I not only had to rely on Him for myself, but I knew I had to put my children into His care. I had to trust Him with their hard times. It tested me, but strengthened me all the more. God is smart like that. He knows what each of us needs, if we would only listen to Him and accept it.

It was only two years ago, but it seems like a life-age had passed since I was rushing about making all those necessary preparations and visiting the remaining friends that would have me to bid them farewell. It does seem so long ago, and yet at the same time, the last two years has flown by in the blink of an eye.

As I near my two year anniversary with my wife, I am reminded of how amazing and wonderful God is through how amazing and wonderful He has blessed me with this outstanding woman. Likewise, I am thankful for our wonderful kids, blended together from two broken homes, and each of them bonding into our one family.

Yes, two years ago around this time, my world was completely different and filled with excited expectations of a new marriage, a new family, and a new life. And God has not disappointed me because He has exceeded all my expectations in really good ways.

Keep your toys Kringle, God delivers the real goods for Christmas.


Copyright 2007, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)

Some quick Autumn thoughts

The time has changed, the trees have changed, and the land readies itself for the slow time. Spring and Summer have come and gone and the land and trees are due their rest from the havoc that this past summer has brought us. Severe drought in both the southeast and southwest have taken their toll on the land and people. Floods and storms filled in the other parts that were "spared" from the drought. It has been a tumultuous weather year.

Just a few weeks ago I was driving along the interstate across North Carolina for several hours. In between the concrete human city pits, there are long stretches of forest and fields. Even with the ravages of the dry hot weather this past summer, the trees still burst forth in full fall regalia. The deep reds and brilliant golds interleaved with oranges, browns, yellows, and even greens seemed to blaze in the afternoon sun. It was a moment to hang onto.

But just a week ago I was driving the same path along the interstate across North Carolina in the reverse direction under early morning overcast skies dripping with a misty rain. The day was not too cold, but soggy and chilly, the kind of chill that just makes you shiver and want to crawl into a warm bed under thick quilts.

What a contrast to the previous week. Where there were trees basking in the sunlight exhibiting just how beautiful this world was created, there now were trees seeming to hover in the shadow of the sky, saddened by the end of summer. A bleakness and melancholia permeated the land and trees.

Or was it just me?

I pondered that question for an hour or so as the gray-brown landscape slipped past me as I headed ever onward. It was the kind of question you take on when stuck in a situation like driving for a few hours. Months of this drive have driven me from every radio station that dares broadcast along my route and singing to myself is both tiring and annoying, mostly because I cannot sing. So I do a lot of thinking in the car.

I decided that you will see what you want to see in a situation. I know the idea is not quite novel or earth-shattering, but it is definitely a reality to be considered.

Why did I see celebration of color one week and the despair of the land the next? It has to do with direction mostly. The afternoon trek was heading home to wife and family. It was a trip I looked forward to all week. It was leading to joy of family. It took me home. But the morning trip was heading to work away from home for the week. It took me away from wife and family. It took me away from where my heart remains, with my family. It simply was taking me away.

One cannot overlook the effect of the weather as well. Certainly those dreary overcast days can be difficult to muster the same joy that accompany bright sunshine and puffy little white clouds. But its effect, at least on me, is quite limited. While I would not want all my days to be overcast, I actually like some overcast days. It sets me in the mood for reflection and liberates my mind from sun-induced expectations of emotion and disposition. On those overcast days, I don't have to be happy or sad or anything, I can just be.

You see, on overcast days, other people are somewhat moody too, and they will most likely leave you to yourself. Sometimes that is just what I need. But not always and that is why I only like to have some overcast days.

But for now, I sit here at my computer looking out a fully windowed wall at the remaining brilliant golds, reds, oranges, yellows, and browns of a lingering fall color explosion, still resplendent in bright sunlight with little puffy white clouds overhead. These are the vestiges of Autumn tumbling to the side as Winter draws in its icy breath, ready to blow away the leaves and the warmth of the sun for a few months.

Maybe it really isn't that beautiful outside. I see it as beautiful, but I guess that is really the point anyway. 


Copyright 2007, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)

Bits of String

I am remiss at keeping up with posting to my blog. And recent events have made it even more difficult to find words to put into a post. Yes I know it sounds impossible that I would be at a loss for words, but the loss of my father has recently taken many of the words out of me. I have so much I want to say, but nothing seemed to do justice to what I really feel or how much respect I really have for my father. And so this post will be just bits of string. I am unable to tie it all together at this time, but perhaps others can make some sense of it.

And also perhaps, just perhaps, I will be able to make more sense later. But for now, I offer these bits of string.

My father, Robert Farley, passed away quite unexpectedly July 29, 2007. Even now I find it unfathomable that he is no longer sitting in "his" chair, reading a book or watching the television, or out and about with my mother somewhere. He had been in the hospital since the beginning of May but was "doing better each day". We all had expectation that he would be home by mid August. Well, at least I convinced myself of that based on the physical therapists' descriptions. Such was not meant to be.

Its funny how in hindsight we see things so differently. Should he have had the bypass surgery in the first place? Should he have allowed the lung biopsy? Should I have gone to see him once more when I had the opportunity? Did I ask him enough questions? Did I talk to him enough? Did I listen to him enough? Did he know really how much I loved him and respected him? Thank God my father accepted Christ a few months before his passing. Thank God I had him as a father at all.

My father was 76 and a cancer survivor for some 13-14 years. He was tough. He was a fighter. But in so many ways, he was a quiet man. How long had he known he was seriously ill before he told others? On the day before his passing, he had such a good day according to my mother. Did he know then? There is so much I don't know. So much I want to know. So much I don't want to know.

My son turned 18 a few weeks after my father's passing. While speaking with my mother, I created a mental list of well over 100 individuals I have known since childhood that have passed away. I suppose now I am in that age where my older relatives will cease to exist. I could easily expand that list to several hundred if I thought about all the people in the communities around where I grew up. Death is common to me now it seems.

When it comes to my own family, I have no living grandfathers or grandmothers. On my father's side, there is only his oldest brother remaining. On my mother's side, only my mother and her younger brother. There are other aunts and another uncle, widows and a widower of my parents' siblings. But my "older family" seems so tiny now, when once it seemed so full.

Like I said, Josh is 18 now. I have for 18 years both looked forward to and dreaded his coming to this age. I never knew if I did enough or did right by him to prepare him for life. He is a senior in high school and doing well. He is well adjusted and for the first time in over a decade, I can honestly say he is a happy person. For so long he was not happy. For so long he was subject to an environment and situations that seemed to drain him. Like he was living with a real-life "dementor" for so many years. For so long he was angry, depressed, and very much not happy. But honestly, he is a totally different person now. More responsible, more confident, and more mature. I am quite proud of my son.

For those that do not read Harry Potter, a "dementor" was a magical creature that would "suck away all the happiness in the world" from a person.

My daughter will turn 16 next week. Likewise I have both looked forward to and dreaded her coming to this age. Same caveats apply with the added issue of I really don't understand the female gender. But she and I have a relationship that is to be envied by other fathers. She entered into the environment of her parents' divorce and her mother leaving unexpectedly as just an unknowing 13 year old kid, barely able to cope with the emotion and drama. And yet she has come out of that situation a delightful and wonderful young lady, more confident and stronger. I am quite proud of my daughter.

And going on two years now, we all are part of a blended family. I have three more daughters, all of them wonderful and delightful. All of them loving daughters of which any man would be envious to claim as his. They too were left by a parent when their father walked out on their mother and them. They too know the heartache of having all the happiness in their world being sucked out when their father left. But they too know the joy of family once more. And all of us are crowded into a house that many would think too small, but we think is adequate. If nothing else, we are all close. It resembles chaos, but we call it living.

I regret that my younger ones, blended in as resplendently has they have been, will never know how awesome my father was. I only hope that the older kids and myself can instill in them the same pride of ancestry and the same admiration for a man that none could ever say was "spotless". In fact, in his day he was quite the rascal, and worse at times. But even in that, there are lessons to be learned. And in maturity with two adult sons of his own, he settled into his role and settled out of the role of rascal. He persevered from sin all the way through to redemption.

Perhaps we all need to learn that lesson of perseverance even when we know we have fallen.

Reading this over, it seems somewhat melancholy. But it was not meant as such. And to that end, allow me to tie at least a few of these strings together.

It was from the lessons I have learned from my family, from my parents, from living, and from friends and relatives dying, that I am who I am. Had these people all not lived and died, I would be different in ways I cannot tell. But because I have known them, I am the better for it.

And so I will endeavor to be the best father I can be and the best husband I can be. I know that in the past I made many mistakes, like my father before me. I also did many things right, like my father before me.

So dad, thanks to you I can be a good father and a good husband. I can do these things because you taught me how, even when you may have not know you were doing it.

And to those that know what this means: watch out for those coal trucks.



Copyright 2007, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)

Hurry Potter

That is not a typo. I mean "hurry Potter".

Well, yes Harry Potter hype is so thick you could cut it into greasy chunks and fry it in a pan. It comes in slimy bits, crispy strips, and the soft-center chewy variety as well. There is a lot to read in Harry Potter and I did not get to start until yesterday.

With 4 reading kids (5 kids in all, but the youngest is not there yet) we had to develop a reading schedule to coordinate reading Harry Potter in the house and prevent accidental slip of spoilers. And with my kids, they would release spoilers to each other just for spite when they feel a little mean. But being the oldest, an adult, and because I don't like child prison riots, I knew I would have to wait for kids to finish first.

Now we could have solved the problem by buying one copy per reader. Uhhhhh NO! Nope... No way... Stars... Can't do it... Not today.

So we planned on buying one copy and then my step-daughter's biological dad paid for hers for her birthday which is in a few weeks. So we planned on buying one, and that made two. Actually a much harder scheduling algorithm than when there is only one but I digress.

Anyway, there my step-daughter was Friday night waiting to get her copy at a cozy little bookstore near where we live. This place is kind of small but seriously cool in its smallness. So around 1:00 a.m. she comes back home with her copy from her dad and the one my wife and I bought additionally. And we did not allow reading that night. We made them wait until morning.

By Saturday evening I know the two oldest had finished and my step-daughter was either finished or very nearly. So I decided that when I headed off for the week away from my wife and family for work that I would take one of the copies with me as the scheduling algorithm had simplified itself and I could do so.

But Mr. Forgetful forgot to take it! So I bought another one at Target for $18 and started reading it last night. Since I have to work, staying up through the night and reading it straight was not an option. I needed to sleep. I did read 11 chapters last night though.

My conclusion? This is a good book so far and I can't wait to get further into it. I was "hurrying" last night to read through as much as I could.

So hurry Potter! Lead on, I will read along.

Oh and I have a buyer for my 3rd copy when I am done with it. Handy that.


Copyright 2007, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)

14 Things I Will Never Do

1. I will never butter the nose of a panda.
2. I will never eat the moon.
3. I will never spin cotton candy in the Taj Mahal.
4. I will never lick King Tut's mummy toes.
5. I will never transform into a gigantic killer robot from space.
6. I will never play kickball with Captain Kirk.
7. I will never start a global movement to lobby for the emancipation of leeches.
8. I will never carry a suspension bridge in my pocket.
9. I will never count to infinity.
10. I will never drill a hole through the earth with a platypus.
11. I will never polish the rings of Saturn.
12. I will never paint the Washington Monument with neon green highlighters.
13. I will never cross the galaxy on the back of a harmonica-playing otter.
14. I will never regret not doing stupid things.


Copyright 2007, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)

Been Parking...

Well, not that kind of parking. Watch your thoughts :-)

Yesterday I took a day off from work to take my wife and kids to a theme park, Carowinds to be precise. Well, not all the kids, just some of them... but we did have a spare one... not that we had a spare kid, but we had an extra kid... well we didn't have another child, sort of borrowed one... ok, let me explain... no, there is too much, let me sum up...

We took the three oldest kids plus the oldest daughter's friend who was visiting from Texas (so that is 5 in all), leaving the youngest two behind. Don't worry folks, the youngest two went today with my wife. They had mom all to themselves. It actually worked out best this way logistically (if you can imagine having 6 kids at the park at the same time ranging in ages from 17 down to 5 you get the idea). So everyone got to go at least once, and 4 of them got to go twice. Ok, yes I know that 2 kids plus 1 mom is 3, but she took the middle child along to help which makes 4, unless you count the spare... this time a friend of the middle child, the second oldest daughter, which makes 5, but she only went once... 5 in all went today.

Are you with me so far?

Now the first thing to realize about any theme park is you pay through the nose to be robbed blind. Seriously. You pay all this money to go to the theme park and they charge lots of $$ for food and drinks. Ask me how much for a Coke... go ahead, ask... oh, I can't hear you, I will just tell you.

$3.85 for a single Coke!!! And that is the same price they have on the Coke vending machine.

By the way, all you Pepsi lovers out there, Carowinds is a Coke place, sorry... well not so sorry... I prefer Coke over Pepsi but I digress.

And if the prices of the drinks were not bad enough, it costs about $10 per person to eat there in any of the places. Remember there was 6 of us, that is $60 for 2 hamburgers, 1 slice of pizza, a chicken sandwich, 2 orders of chicken fingers, and 4 orders of fries with 5 drinks (yes I know there were 6 of us but the oldest daughter only drinks water which is free).

Highway robbery (literally, it sits right off I-77).

But we found the loopholes in the system. You see, every drink stand and food place will give you water for free. Not just water, but a large cup of ice water. And its free! Woot!

Also we found that they have a Chick-Fil-A stand there. If you are content with a chicken sandwich or chicken nuggets and their waffle fries, then you must eat there. Why? Because the prices are the same as outside the park! Kudos, kudos, and more kudos to Truett Cathy and his ethical establishment! They do not rip you off in the park.

No one got sun burned and we all had a good time. As we were leaving the park, a huge thunderstorm came up. Seriously dangerous lightning. Not to be trifled with. Then the horizontal rain started. I was so glad to be in our van by that time.

Most favorite rides? Carolina Goldrusher, Carolina Cyclone, Vortex, and Dodge 'Em bumper cars (seriously I love those!)

Least favorite rides? Hurler (bone jarring wooden coaster - need I say more), Richochet (could give you whiplash!)

Best part of the day? Just being a dad with my kids and a husband to my wife all day long.

For thrill rides, overpriced food, and gasoline, there's MasterCard.
For building family memories: priceless. 



Copyright 2007, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)

Growing Up On Another Planet

Viewing Earth in 2007, particularly the United States, leaves me astonished. You see, I grew up on another planet and I find it difficult to understand how things here on this planet got into such a state. It seems to me that most things defy logic and serve no real purpose other than to keep politicians (the civil masters) and the civil servants employed and busy. In this post I would like to point out some of the inconsistencies between our two planets.

When I was growing up on my planet, we had bicycles as the youth do here. I used to ride my bike everywhere you could imagine. I rode it on the road, the alley, dirt trails, and anywhere else I wanted to go. There were no "bike paths" that offered protected havens for cyclists. We just rode where we could. And what may astonish those born on this planet is that we had no helmet laws for riding bicycles. All of my childhood friends rode bikes and none wore helmets. We received our share of scratches, bruises, stitches, and other injuries, but we all survived. It might amaze people of this planet that one does not immediately die if they ride a bike without a helmet.

Another fascinating similarity that is different is childhood discipline. On my planet in my childhood years, there was corporal punishment waiting for those that would not follow the rules or insisted on being miscreants. We received spankings, whippings, and some times just a good thrashing and believe it or not, those things did not turn us into violent criminals. Actually, quite the contrary! It was that adamant requirement from our parents for proper behavior that prevented us from being violent criminals! But what I see on this planet is that misbehavior is encouraged by the lack of action on the part of parents. Instead of children being required to be accountable and responsible for their actions, the parents reward their behavior by finding excuses for it. And when there is a dispute between a child and a teacher, this planet requires that the student always prevails. I find that chilling and remarkable. I think the option of a little corporal punishment administered by school officials definitely gets a kid's attention. Well, it did on our planet where the parents cared about the kids' futures.

One thing that dumbfounds me about this planet is that its denizens appear to all believe that no one is responsible for themselves. I can only conclude this because if you stumble on a sidewalk, you assert that it is the fault of the one who happens to have the sidewalk on or near their property and if you eat or drink something too hot and get burned, its the person's fault who gave it to you. Are people from this planet incapable of common sense and thinking for themselves? It appears so. When I am handed a hot drink or hot food, I test it first to see how hot it is. Amazing isn't it? On our planet we were taught to think for ourselves.

And speaking of teaching, why is it that schools on this planet are afraid to give bad grades or (heaven forbid) fail a student? Are children of this planet so sensitive and so fragile that a bad grade will destroy their self-esteem and ruin their futures? Amazingly, when children received bad grades on our planet, they were clued in to the fact that maybe there was something they were missing. And the teachers would proactively try to help those students or get them some help. But alas, on this planet, you dumb down the tests so that "no child is left behind" and in reality, "no child excels" either because all are held back to the least common denominator: the poor students.

But I think the most amazing thing about living on this planet versus growing up on my planet is the "in your face" inconsistency regarding how to treat children. On the one hand, you coddle children even up to they turn 18. This is done by saying that "they are too young to be responsible for themselves" and "we need to protect the helpless children". But then on the other hand, you try to elevate children as young as 4 years old into young adult status by saying things like "don't sell kids short, they can contribute and make a difference" and "children deserve the same respect as adult members of the family regardless of their age". This is blatant and irresponsible inconsistency. How can they be both naive innocents that are not responsible for their own actions and yet their opinions and suggestions should carry the same weight as adults? Either you require them to be responsible at younger ages or you quit requiring adults to be responsible. None of this makes sense. On our planet, children were children and grew into maturity and responsibility, the decisions for how this should be done were firmly the responsibility of the parents, not lawmakers.

And finally, something that seldom if ever was exhibited on my planet as a child was the "pornification" of children. Now I am not referring to child pornography. I am specifically referring to parents allowing their children to dress like sluts, porn stars, and gang members. This seems to be mostly a female child phenomenon. Why do any of you think its cute for your 8 year old daughter to be buying bras and g-strings? Why would any of you think it cute if your 10 year old looks like she stepped off the police lineup with a bunch of hookers? How many of you really want your 14 year old daughter to be wearing a skirt so short, it barely goes below her crotch? Since when did you decide that a boy can wear his pants half way down his legs and let his boxer-short clad rear end show? Why is it OK to let your kids watch trash on TV where they see adults dress like prostitutes and gang members and then encourage that by buying them the same kind of clothing? Do you really have no regard for your kids? I don't get it. I really don't get it.

This planet is a large source of amusement, astonishment, shock, and sometimes even pleasure. But this planet is not the one I grew up on. And the most amazing thing of all is it seems like the more you tinker with the system, the worse it gets. When will the majority of you wake up and realize you are not fixing things, you are in reality the ones who broke them? Sometimes I wish I could get back to my home planet, this one is broken.



Copyright 2007, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)

Happy Father's Day

This is for my father who is recovering from open heart surgery and lung complications.

Happy Father's Day dad!

Hurry up and get well. Mom is driving us crazy :-)


(p.s. That's a joke mom, no really, it is)



Copyright 2007, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)

Me transmitte sursum, Caledoni!

The last few weeks have been amazingly stressful. I am ready to leave the planet on the next warp-capable space ship. Or simply welcome the end of time when skies roll back and Jesus gathers His sheep. Either will do.

My father is in the hospital recovering from quadruple heart bypass surgery. Additionally, they replaced a heart valve, fixed another valve, corrected arrhythmia, did a flush and fill, changed the spark plugs and oil, and tuned the carburetor. And after all this, there is still an overhaul of the air breather to come.

Ok, well, maybe they did not do all that last part. But they DID do the heart stuff. And the fact remains that he is still in ICU a week after the surgery. He has had trouble with lungs and oxygen intake and even had a close call with congestive heart failure at least once (that I know of). Yes, it has really been a stressful week.

So I sit here about 300 miles away with only sparse phone contact to keep me updated. Honestly speaking, I don't know that I would really want to hear all the scary details of each day. Sometimes its best to just hear the summaries. But I wish I could be there with my mother. But still, I have to work. I MUST keep my job to feed my family of seven. I am thankful my brother has been there and has been exceedingly helpful.

Still, these things bother me.

And how do you deal with these kinds of stress? Well, people have different ways of dealing with stress, but when I don't do something, my ADD brain kicks into overdrive and refuses to slow down. The result is near panic attacks with intense stress. These things are not really good on the body and so I have found a few ways to relieve stress.

You know I would like to say the first thing I do is pray. I would like to say that. But it seems I often forget to pray for stress release. But when I do, God is faithful. Sometimes He just calms me directly. Other times He points me to something else that calms me.

The next thing is to just sit with my wife and be with her. That calms me so much. We have been married nearly a year and a half now and truly if feels like we have known each other for much longer - in a good way. She knows me well. She pays attention and seems to know what to do to help me. Likewise, I do all I can to really know her and be there for her when she needs me. It truly is a God-given partnership. It is unlike anything either of us have experienced in the past in our former marriages.

The problem is that I am about 225 miles away from my wife most days because of my job. That makes being with her a logistical nightmare most week days.

And another thing I do is to listen to music. Not just any music, but music that is positive, upbeat, and does not bear anger, angst, or sorrow. Mostly I am speaking of Christian music in this category. Just today I was listening to some country music, some rock music, and some pop music. But none of those really helped. So that was when I cranked up the Newsboys. I could literally feel the stress and tension begin to evaporate as my mind turned closer toward God.

And finally, I use outright escapism. I play video games and get lost in their virtual worlds. Is this the best thing to do? Arguably no. But if nothing else brings about stress reduction, I see it as a reasonable alternative to doing nothing and a much superior alternative to medication.

And when I am not playing video games and running around with my virtual self, I am often found working on a fantasy novel. In my head I run off to a world of elves, dwarves, orcs, and other things that most people don't normally think about. In that world, problems are difficult but solvable. And the problems that cannot be solved are merely part of the ecosystem of the story environment.

But for now, as I write this, the Newsboys are playing in my Amarok music player through my headphones and I am quite calm and the stress is drastically reduced. But after work, I will be cruising around a virtual world destroying monsters and leveling up my virtual persona.

Yes, life is better with electronics. Or at least a pen and paper.



Copyright 2007, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)

Waiting

Waiting is not something that is easy for most people to do, or at least do it well. Waiting implies some degree of patience and humans have never been considered the most patient of creatures. And when it comes to waiting, humans have a vast array of different ways of dealing with waiting.

I was forced to dwell on this topic this past week as I had to experience waiting firsthand. And not just any waiting, but the "real serious kind of waiting" that many people wished they never had to experience. I spent an entire day this week waiting in the open heart surgery waiting room while my own father underwent open heart surgery.

Sitting there with my mother, my brother, my aunt and uncle, a cousin, and various others throughout the day, each one of them displayed very different ways of dealing with waiting. Specifically, this was waiting with nervousness, and part of their response to waiting is infused with anxiety to various levels.

The first example to note was my mother. As it was her husband of 49 years in surgery, her anxiety meter was pegged and so her waiting was a weird mixture of nervousness, frustration, stress, sleep deprivation, and her own sustained attempt to hold to her faith that God would deliver her through this. She mostly sat in one place. She was distracted and listened intently anytime the staff called out a family name. Her waiting was deliberate yet obviously difficult to maintain patience.

The next example that struck me was my uncle (my mother's only living brother). He could not sit still and often he had to stand and walk. He did not pace, he just walked from area to area and back, then sit down for a while. He was also quiet and did not talk as much as the rest of us. He normally is not one to be very talkative, but in his waiting, it seemed to me that he talked less than what I remembered of him. His waiting was a suspenseful meandering kind of waiting.

Similar to my uncle was my brother. He also could not sit as long as the others and walked often. But he differed in that he combined his walking with some supposed task as to make it seem natural for him to walk around. I believe that he did not want our mother to know just how nervous he was, so he was using some attempt at subterfuge to mask his nervousness. His was a denied waiting to some extent.

Then there was my father's first cousin. She sat, mostly in one place, with almost a stoic reality. She was calm on the outside, but as she spoke, you could see the emotions swirling just behind the surface. She spoke a lot of old times. She recalled past events and situations that brought some humor and good feelings to all of us. Her waiting was one that maintained hope, both to convince herself and others I believe.

My aunt's version of waiting was quite similar to my own in that we talk to distract. It seemed to me that in her waiting, she talked to my mother at length to keep her distracted so that she did not dwell on the negatives. She also sought to reassure her own husband in the process. Her waiting was both helpful and hopeful.

And that leaves me. My waiting was a non-stop barrage of words as I sought to distract myself and others from the current seriousness of the situation. I sincerely wanted to exude confidence and hope for everyone else while at the same time keeping myself distracted from the negative possibilities. I have no idea if I achieved anything close to that. Being ADD myself (seriously), it was easy for me to distract myself. I may have just annoyed others.

In the end, we all waited there for most of that day. There were shared and private prayers. There were stories shared and recalled at length.
This was one of those experiences that a family goes through that stretches them in many different ways. And in the end, our family, at least the part represented there that day, were lifting each other up and showing that family is a powerful thing.

This is not said to slight those that could not be there. We knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that other members of family were praying for my father and my mother in this time. Yes family is a good and powerful thing. It is a shame that in 2007 family is not held as high in importance as it once was, even just a generation ago.

After we all exercised our waiting skills all day, we finally heard from the surgeon about my father. A quadruple bypass was completed, one heart valve replaced, another heart valve was fixed, and the heart rhythm was restored. The surgery was a success and as I write this, my father is in ICU recovering from his open heart surgery.

Today we visited him for short durations (as long as the staff would allow) and he was doing very well. He even had his wits about him and joked bit with us.

There is still more waiting to be done. The doctors also found a cancerous mass in his right lung and biopsied it. We are still waiting on the lab results to determine more about this mass. We also must wait for his body to heal and watch his strength and stamina return to him.

And what is my father doing right now in ICU? He is waiting of course.



Copyright 2007, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)