Thursday, March 24, 2011

English Translations of Managerial-speak:


technology uniformity - The inability of an IT staff to handle any technology that they were not trained on 10 years ago.

multi-platform - The feature works on one platform multiple times.

feature specification - A document produced by the unknowing about something they heard about and completely devoid of requirements.

feature velocity - The inability to take the time to do things correctly because of the perceived need to do it faster than it should be done.

test readiness review - The inability to understand that the code is not complete and there is no need to try to test it yet.

feature complete - The inability to stop the shipping of a feature that has numerous bugs.

diverse team with individual assignments - A loose collection of individuals working by themselves reporting to a single manager.

bonus plan - The ability of a company to find ways to not give you pay raises, or any incremental income because the bonus requirements are set by management so as not to be achievable.

stock options - Pieces of paper with words on them, worth about 0.95 cents per sheet.

custom bug tracking system - The inability to use bug tracking software and instead using a contact management solution the marketing group likes and forcing it to store semi-related bug descriptions with numerous custom and expensive modifications instead of using something designed for that purpose.

layered design - A concept put on paper but violated so often in implementation that the source code has filed a restraining order against the coders.



Copyright 2011, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)


No comments: