Here's a story, of a lovely lady.
Who was bringing up three very lovely girls...
I won't even try to finish out the Brady bunch song for you. I can't make it work with our situation easily. Too many hair colors on the girls. Anyway, what we have here is a situation where boy meets girl over Internet, boy proposes to girl over Internet, boy marries girl, girl has 3 girls, boy has 1 girl and 1 boy, and now boy and girl are having 1 of their own.
Confused? Let me 'splain.
Now wait, there is too much. Let me sum up.
She had 3, I had 2, we are having 1.
Now using an advanced mathematical formula, graph theory, and a slightly used slide rule we have the following equation:
3 + 2 + 1 = 6
Yes people. My wife is pregnant and I am going to be a father again. Woot! Woot!
Wait, my math is off...
3 + 2 + 1 + 2 parents = 8 total
Dang! I need to apply for government funding. Or sell some kids for scientific research.... not!
Joyfully terrified.
Copyright 2008, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Things You Don't See Anymore, Or At Least Not Much
I was thinking the other day about phone booths. Not the phone stands, but an actual public phone booth out on the street. You know, a Super Man dressing room complete with phone, phone book, and that horrid folding door. You just don't see many of them any more. But once upon a time, you did not have to go far to see several. They were located all over cities and small towns.
In this age of personal mobile phones, there is a seriously declining need for public phones at all. And now, you only find a phone stand, unprotected from the weather, and they never have phone books. But there really is little reason for the phone companies to do much more than that. In reality, for most people a public phone stand is an emergency phone for when their cell phone dies while they are out and about. There simply is no demand for phone booths.
Well, there are phone booths in many bars. It is intended mainly as having a quiet place to talk on the phone and not have to shout above the noise. And some of these booths don't even have phones. It is merely a place for you to sit with your own cell phone away from the cacophony of a modern pub.
And it occurs to me, there are many other things I don't see any more. Thing that once were common. Things I remember from my childhood. Heck, some things I remember from just a decade ago have nearly vanished.
Many of these vanished items that were once common have been talked about at length in blogs, articles, and emails. Everyone knows that vinyl records and eight tracks went the way of the buggy whip, itself a vanished item I never remember being common. VHS and cassette tapes also are becoming near extinct as well. So in addition to phone booths, rotary phones, and full service gas stations, I have come up with my own list of things I don't see any more, but used to see. This is not to say I necessarily miss any of these things, just I don't see them.
And here they are, in no particular order, just random brain picking:
Leaded Gasoline
Slide Rules
Candy Cigarettes
Reusable Soda Bottles
Glass Bottle Soda Vending Machines
Lawn Darts
Fuse Plugs
"Milkmen"
Fins on Cars
Floppy Disks
Well, that is all I can think of at this time. If you have suggestions, leave a comment. I would like know what else is vanishing.
Copyright 2008, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)
In this age of personal mobile phones, there is a seriously declining need for public phones at all. And now, you only find a phone stand, unprotected from the weather, and they never have phone books. But there really is little reason for the phone companies to do much more than that. In reality, for most people a public phone stand is an emergency phone for when their cell phone dies while they are out and about. There simply is no demand for phone booths.
Well, there are phone booths in many bars. It is intended mainly as having a quiet place to talk on the phone and not have to shout above the noise. And some of these booths don't even have phones. It is merely a place for you to sit with your own cell phone away from the cacophony of a modern pub.
And it occurs to me, there are many other things I don't see any more. Thing that once were common. Things I remember from my childhood. Heck, some things I remember from just a decade ago have nearly vanished.
Many of these vanished items that were once common have been talked about at length in blogs, articles, and emails. Everyone knows that vinyl records and eight tracks went the way of the buggy whip, itself a vanished item I never remember being common. VHS and cassette tapes also are becoming near extinct as well. So in addition to phone booths, rotary phones, and full service gas stations, I have come up with my own list of things I don't see any more, but used to see. This is not to say I necessarily miss any of these things, just I don't see them.
And here they are, in no particular order, just random brain picking:
Leaded Gasoline
Do they really have to keep saying "unleaded" now? All of it is unleaded at the pumps, or its diesel.
Quart Oil Cans
Remember those round cardboard cans that required a special nozzle that punched a hole in the top?
Gas Pumps With 2 Digit Pricing
There was a time when it was unthinkable that gasoline would be more than 99 cents a gallon and these pumps simply did not register above 99.9 cents per gallon.
Typewriters
This used to be the main workhorse of offices, now they only exist in tiny numbers.
Carbon Papers
This goes along with typewriters, there is just little use for these in most offices today.
Orange Smelling "Model Airplane Glue"
Because if its stinky enough, people won't sniff it? Right.
Merthiolate/Mercurochrome/Merbromin
At one time, this was a standard item all mother's pulled out for skinned knees and scraped chins - and other assorted cuts.
Plastic Military Model Kits
These are becoming increasingly harder to find. Sure you can still find model military planes, but finding model tanks and jeeps and such is not so easy.
Hypodermic Needle Cleaners and Reusable Needles
Many times I remember seeing the doctor take out a needle from the needle cleaner and get it ready for my behind. Can you imagine reusing needles now?
Unpowered Lawnmowers
I actually had one of these when I had a tiny lawn in modern suburbia. I got a lot of stares at my engine-less mower.
Slide Rules
Admit it, most of you don't really know what a slide rule is for or how to use one. I will give you a hint, you don't measure with it.
Candy Cigarettes
Remember these? Most were simple stick candies colored to resemble cigarettes. I got some once that you could blow through and a little puff of powdered sugar would come out to resemble smoke. Now there's a message to kids.
Reusable Soda Bottles
I remember having to keep the soda bottles in their packs on the back porch after we drank them until we were ready to take them back to the store. Often I would pick up any I could find and take them back with ours to get the deposit refund to buy another bottle of soda (of course).
Glass Bottle Soda Vending Machines
Remember those vending machines where a stack of bottles were held between two rails and you put in your dime (later quarter) and pulled out a "little coke" - one of those awesome 8-ounce wonders of the finest cola put out by Coca-Cola. You can still get the "little cokes" but you pay through the nose for them.
Lawn Darts
Now I would like to have a set of these again. Why anyone thinks giving kids a huge dart that weighs about half a pound that they can hurl at their friends is a bad thing I will never know.
Fuse Plugs
Remember those little screw-in fuses that had a glass top that were used in "fuse boxes"? Their bottoms looked something like the base of a light bulb. We went through tons of these.
"Milkmen"
There once was a time when dairy companies had local milk delivery to your house. I remember the "milkman" coming by only on certain days. We used to save up money (sometimes from returning reusable soda bottles) and bought ice cream from him. Sometimes, he would come out and shoot hoops with us when we had a basketball out.
Fins on Cars
There was a time when most cars had fins. Why anyone thought it looked good, I will never know. This is definitely one I do not miss.
Floppy Disks
Computers originally had only floppy disks (once we passed the short-lived cassette storage). If you are saving a stack of old 5" disks, good luck getting them to read. Its now becoming rare to even find a floppy drive in modern computers. And really, with a max of 1.2 to 1.4 megabytes, they don't hold much. Often now, individual docs and presentations are too large for floppies.
Well, that is all I can think of at this time. If you have suggestions, leave a comment. I would like know what else is vanishing.
Copyright 2008, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)
Saturday, April 19, 2008
The Morning Rush
It was cold and dark in the early winter morning. The stars were brilliant in the clear crisp air as the headlights snapped on when the engine started in a muffled rumble. As the car eased around the unpaved driveway, the crunch of gravel broke what remained of the early morning quiet. Pausing only for a moment at the edge of the driveway, and taking a quick check in both directions, the car launched onto the asphalt and ramped up speed quickly. The long commute out of town began once again.
Few if any cars would be on the roads this early in the morning and the driver was going to take advantage of the situation. Coming to the stop sign just down the road from his house, he waited for one car to roll by and then punched it, giving a short squeal of tires as he headed up the main route. Knowing that 4 hours of driving lay in front of him, he was trying to shave minutes off the drive and was pushing the speed limits as he set off into the darkness.
A few turns and a couple of shortcuts later, the driver and car began a near hour long trek through the dark country side before the lights of the Interstate junction would break the monotony of the morning.
Knowing this route well, each turn, each pothole, and where the cops can hide, he hurtled through the darkness. Inside, the heater was blowing, the MP3 player was belting out deep bass on the car's sound system, and the GPS display matched each nuance of the road's path through the foot hills.
Speed limit 55, that's ridiculous...
The driver kept a watch on the road and his gauges. Looking for any sign of deer, road hazards, and cops, he pushed well past the speed limit.
79, that's enough, I don't want to be stupid about it, but its pointless to go 55 here.
Several minutes and quite a few miles pass as he pressed on. The engine of this former police cruiser was barely getting a workout. This engine and this car can handle speed. It holds to the road and it handles well.
Headlights? Coming up from behind?
At first only a single pair of headlights back in the distance could be seen. A few more minutes pass and a second set appeared right behind the first.
No one in their right mind would be gaining on me. Not at this speed.
Easing off the gas, the car rolled along, dropping speed slowly.
Dang! 59 and these guys are right on me. Maybe they will pass.
Keeping a close watch on the speed, hovering just above 55 but not too much, these three were the only cars on the road.
Why won't he just pass me? Oh crap...
The blue lights came on both cars running behind him as they neared a church. With a knot in the pit of his stomach, the driver pulled into the church parking lot, came round a median, and stopped with easy access back out onto the road. Both police cruisers rolled in behind him with their headlights filling his car interior and the side floods turn on as well.
She's gonna kill me, I know she's gonna kill me. She told me to not get a ticket.
As he turned off the MP3 player and fumbled for the registration from the glove box, the driver took a quick look in the side mirrors. The cops from the first car were already out of their vehicle. The driver was walking forward with one hand carrying what seemed to be an overly large flashlight in one hand, and his other hand on his holster. His partner lingered back on the other side of the car in similar form, again with one hand on his weapon.
Oh crap! This doesn't look right.
Finding the registration finally, he took another look in the mirrors. The cops from the second car had emerged from their vehicle, but were standing behind their doors.
What are they expecting? Are these guys really serious?.
As the cop approached the open window, he shone the flashlight all around the inside and outside of the car.
"You were going pretty fast back there mister."
Oh crap!
Blurting out "I'm sorry!" he handed his license and registration over to the policeman.
"So... do you have some reason that you need to be going so fast? Some place you need to be? Or not be?"
"No sir. I am so sorry."
"So, are you on your way to work then?"
"Yes sir. I have a long commute. I am headed over to Raleigh."
"Did you know your inspection sticker has expired?"
"What? Oh crap! No sir! I am so sorry."
I think I am so going to jail this morning.
"So you are just on your way to work. Tell me, did you pass any cars along the road? Specifically, did you pass any little silver cars? Possibly with the back window blown out of it?"
Dang. Window blown out? Like shot out?
"No sir, not that I recall. In fact, except for you guys, I haven't seen any other cars on the road."
"Do you realize how fast you were going back there?"
"Yes sir. And I am so sorry."
"Tell me... do you have a cell phone?"
What?
"A cell phone? Yes sir I do."
"Would you do us a favor then? If you see a little silver car somewhere along the road, would you call in and report it? Don't stop or go near it, but just call it in?"
"... Sure... do I just dial 911?"
"Yes, that will do. If you see a car like that, just call 911 and tell them about where you saw it. Will you do that for us?
"Absolutely."
"Ok then. Now listen... I want you to slow down. It is dangerous to drive that fast on this road. So get on to work and watch your speed. Ok?"
"Yes sir. I will."
As he fumbled putting the registration back in the glove box, he pondered these last few minutes.
Dang. They are looking for someone. And if they had not been looking for someone... oh crap.
Looking all around, he watched the officers get back in their vehicles. He looked up and down the road, and eased onto the asphalt once again. No squealing tires, no fast acceleration, no sudden moves of any kind. Just slow and easy. For the last 15 miles of this leg of the drive, his top speed was 55.
The morning had started with a rush. But this most recent delay to his commute was more of a rush than he anticipated or wanted. And fortunately, the remaining 3 hours of his trek were boring and uneventful and within all speed limits.
Arriving at the office half-way across the state, he was greeted with "You're a little late aren't you?"
"Oh well. Stuff happens."
Copyright 2008, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)
Few if any cars would be on the roads this early in the morning and the driver was going to take advantage of the situation. Coming to the stop sign just down the road from his house, he waited for one car to roll by and then punched it, giving a short squeal of tires as he headed up the main route. Knowing that 4 hours of driving lay in front of him, he was trying to shave minutes off the drive and was pushing the speed limits as he set off into the darkness.
A few turns and a couple of shortcuts later, the driver and car began a near hour long trek through the dark country side before the lights of the Interstate junction would break the monotony of the morning.
Knowing this route well, each turn, each pothole, and where the cops can hide, he hurtled through the darkness. Inside, the heater was blowing, the MP3 player was belting out deep bass on the car's sound system, and the GPS display matched each nuance of the road's path through the foot hills.
Speed limit 55, that's ridiculous...
The driver kept a watch on the road and his gauges. Looking for any sign of deer, road hazards, and cops, he pushed well past the speed limit.
79, that's enough, I don't want to be stupid about it, but its pointless to go 55 here.
Several minutes and quite a few miles pass as he pressed on. The engine of this former police cruiser was barely getting a workout. This engine and this car can handle speed. It holds to the road and it handles well.
Headlights? Coming up from behind?
At first only a single pair of headlights back in the distance could be seen. A few more minutes pass and a second set appeared right behind the first.
No one in their right mind would be gaining on me. Not at this speed.
Easing off the gas, the car rolled along, dropping speed slowly.
Dang! 59 and these guys are right on me. Maybe they will pass.
Keeping a close watch on the speed, hovering just above 55 but not too much, these three were the only cars on the road.
Why won't he just pass me? Oh crap...
The blue lights came on both cars running behind him as they neared a church. With a knot in the pit of his stomach, the driver pulled into the church parking lot, came round a median, and stopped with easy access back out onto the road. Both police cruisers rolled in behind him with their headlights filling his car interior and the side floods turn on as well.
She's gonna kill me, I know she's gonna kill me. She told me to not get a ticket.
As he turned off the MP3 player and fumbled for the registration from the glove box, the driver took a quick look in the side mirrors. The cops from the first car were already out of their vehicle. The driver was walking forward with one hand carrying what seemed to be an overly large flashlight in one hand, and his other hand on his holster. His partner lingered back on the other side of the car in similar form, again with one hand on his weapon.
Oh crap! This doesn't look right.
Finding the registration finally, he took another look in the mirrors. The cops from the second car had emerged from their vehicle, but were standing behind their doors.
What are they expecting? Are these guys really serious?.
As the cop approached the open window, he shone the flashlight all around the inside and outside of the car.
"You were going pretty fast back there mister."
Oh crap!
Blurting out "I'm sorry!" he handed his license and registration over to the policeman.
"So... do you have some reason that you need to be going so fast? Some place you need to be? Or not be?"
"No sir. I am so sorry."
"So, are you on your way to work then?"
"Yes sir. I have a long commute. I am headed over to Raleigh."
"Did you know your inspection sticker has expired?"
"What? Oh crap! No sir! I am so sorry."
I think I am so going to jail this morning.
"So you are just on your way to work. Tell me, did you pass any cars along the road? Specifically, did you pass any little silver cars? Possibly with the back window blown out of it?"
Dang. Window blown out? Like shot out?
"No sir, not that I recall. In fact, except for you guys, I haven't seen any other cars on the road."
"Do you realize how fast you were going back there?"
"Yes sir. And I am so sorry."
"Tell me... do you have a cell phone?"
What?
"A cell phone? Yes sir I do."
"Would you do us a favor then? If you see a little silver car somewhere along the road, would you call in and report it? Don't stop or go near it, but just call it in?"
"... Sure... do I just dial 911?"
"Yes, that will do. If you see a car like that, just call 911 and tell them about where you saw it. Will you do that for us?
"Absolutely."
"Ok then. Now listen... I want you to slow down. It is dangerous to drive that fast on this road. So get on to work and watch your speed. Ok?"
"Yes sir. I will."
As he fumbled putting the registration back in the glove box, he pondered these last few minutes.
Dang. They are looking for someone. And if they had not been looking for someone... oh crap.
Looking all around, he watched the officers get back in their vehicles. He looked up and down the road, and eased onto the asphalt once again. No squealing tires, no fast acceleration, no sudden moves of any kind. Just slow and easy. For the last 15 miles of this leg of the drive, his top speed was 55.
The morning had started with a rush. But this most recent delay to his commute was more of a rush than he anticipated or wanted. And fortunately, the remaining 3 hours of his trek were boring and uneventful and within all speed limits.
Arriving at the office half-way across the state, he was greeted with "You're a little late aren't you?"
"Oh well. Stuff happens."
Copyright 2008, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)
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