The modern American Mall, an untamed dominion of humans in one of their natural environments. I spent the day observing the behavior of the herds of young male humans and the flocks of young female humans.Today I rejoined a flock of young females I have spent much time with in the past. The following are some excerpts of my field notes from today's outing.
11:30 - Having spent some time previously with this particular flock of young females, I have found it best to offer them food before they venture into the mall. This not only gains their trust, but provides unrestricted observation of their eating habits. Note: find someplace less expensive next time, where do they put it all?
12:20 - Arrived at mall. Made unfortunate entry into mall near area marked "dollar store". The abundance of prey caused their well organized hunting formations to degrade into a feeding frenzy. Was worried momentarily about discussion of their obtaining torches. They decided not to be burdened by carrying 5 foot long torches in the wilds of the mall. That was a close one.
Approx 13:00 - Lurked outside of an area marked "Icing". There was discussion of how to obtain tribal ear piercing of a member of the flock. Quest was abandoned when it was learned the "parent" (that is what they call their mothers and fathers) must be present.
Note the jungle heat and crowded water hole caused me to lose track of time. How these flocks can flourish in this hostile environment is beyond me.
Arrived at Candiopolis. Was forced by the flock to purchase Icees and candy for each. I feared for my safety at the time and thought it prudent to do as they demanded. This was the only time the danger that lurks just below the surface of this amazing adventure was made evident.
Was dragged unwillingly into Earth Bound and suffered difficulty breathing and a headache. How much incense can one store have anyway? Flock move slowly and deliberately through this store.
Found massage chair. Took time out from observations to soothe headache. Note: on next outing, plan route to pass this location at least twice.
4:00 - Began to regain ability to look at watch. Made a peace offering of Wetzel Pretzels to the flock. I was given temporary inclusion into the inner world of the flock. Note: there are some questions that should not be asked, there are some things a parent doesn't really need to hear.
4:30 - Planned circuitous route back to safari vehicle.
5:15 - Somehow made it to vehicle. Note: on next outing, avoid passing Victoria's Secret, enough said.
By the end of the journey, I had collected enough observations on this particular flock to know that they are cunning hunters yet have poor sense of direction. I noted that we had traveled in circles several times. I have also decided that I must go to the ATM first the next time out. I am considering seeking government funding of these field studies as they can run into some expense.
Copyright 2005, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)
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