The fire crackled softly in the fireplace as a light snow fell outside the cabin. Each unique snowflake added to the thick white layer that had been falling all day. Through the windows, shades of gray and blue dominated the evening sky that was backlit by a full moon.
Inside the warmth of logs and timber, the flicker of candles fought against the coming darkness while casting shadows that slowly danced on the walls. I followed the candles to the kitchen and stopped briefly to watch the snowfall fade to just a few flakes. I offered up a quick pray of thanks for a beautiful evening.
Looking back to the main room, Sarina waited for me on the sofa. She caught me staring at her, admiring her brown curls and nerdy glasses. She smiled a soft smile and my heart melted. Over the last few months, we'd grown closer than I ever dared to dream. And there she was, waiting for me, smiling and happy to be with me. Just me.
In the kitchen, I struggled with the wine key and a bottle of Chardonnay. For whatever reasons, I always had trouble opening this particular brand. I had a moment of mild anxiety when I thought I was about to break the cork. I took my time and managed to get the whole thing out intact. I wanted this night to be special. I wanted it to be perfect.
It was Christmas eve and we were twenty miles from anywhere that was somewhere. I brought Sarina here because this place was special to me. She was the most special person in my life and I wanted to share the magic of the cabin on a Christmas Eve with her. My hope was the magic would rub off and she would answer yes to the question I had for her.
Back in the living room, Sarina smiled as I entered with the wine tray. Her hair hung naturally in loose curls down to her shoulders. She took off her glasses and set them on the end table as I offered her a glass of the Chardonnay.
"Oh, thank you," she said almost in a whisper. She took a sip and smiled again. "Chardonnay. My favorite. Are you up to something?"
"Me? Up to something? Maybe," I joked.
She laughed and scrunched her nose. To me she was adorable and I could be happy just drinking up the vision of her sitting smiling at me.
"Come here," she beckoned and held out the patchwork quilt she'd been wrapped in. "Keep me warm."
I tossed another log on the fire and sat down beside her. Sarina snuggled up close and we sipped our wine in the quiet of the cabin in the mountains.
"Snow's letting up. It's a beautiful night," she sighed.
"The night, as beautiful as it is, pales in comparison to you."
She smiled again and kissed me. "Thank you. You always say the sweetest things. Maybe that's why I'm so attracted to you."
Holding her close, I took another sip of wine. "It's easy to say them because they're true."
"I love you," she whispered.
"I love you," I whispered back. "More than I can describe."
"I know what you mean. I just feel … happy with you. I didn't think that was going to ever happen again. Not with anyone."
"Sarina," I started then hesitated.
"Yes?"
"I'm happy with you too. And with all I'd been through, I thought that was completely out of reach for me. Then you came along …"
"Here I am," she said after I didn't continue on.
"Here we are."
"Yes, here we are. Is everything alright? You seem like something is bothering you."
"Well, to be honest, I'm afraid," I confessed.
She raised up slightly to see my face. "What are you afraid of?"
"You, sort of."
"Me?" she said in surprise.
"Sort of."
"Why?" she asked.
"I'm afraid I'll lose you. And that's why I have this …"
I started fishing something out of my pocket.
Tears appeared in her eyes when she saw the ring I produced from my pocket. It wasn't large or flashy. It was elegant with clean lines and a single diamond. It was like Sarina herself. Naturally beautiful without a lot of effort.
"Is that what I think it is?" she choked out.
I held the ring in my fingers and hesitated. Now that I was actually doing it, I wondered if I could. Twice before I'd asked women to marry me. Twice before they said yes. And twice before they betrayed me and left me alone. It took all my resolve to trust again.
"Sarina Miller, will you marry me?" I finally managed to say.
Her lip quivered and the tears flowed. "Are you sure about this? I know what you've been through. I know what I've been through. Do you think we can make it work when it never did before for either of us?"
"I am sure. As long as we keep our focus right, God will see us through. But if you're not sure, then don't say yes. I don't know if I can go through all the pain again."
"I love you. I don't want to say no. I don't want to lose you," she stammered.
"Then what do you say?"
"Then I say 'yes'!" she exclaimed and kissed me.
I slipped the ring on her finger and she cried even more. We kissed in spite of her tears of joy. The magic of the night, the magic of the cabin, and the magic of love was going to win this time.
A loud pop from the fire burst the magic and the quilt and the wine were gone. The ring was gone. Sarina was gone. I sat alone on the sofa in a quiet cabin in the mountains miles from anywhere that was somewhere. It was Christmas Eve and I was alone again, just as I'd been the past few years. There was no Sarina, there was no one. I had no one to hold, no one to kiss.
The bright moon shone down on the snow-covered ground and the world outside sparkled. I stared out the window and allowed myself a moment to shed quiet tears. Year after year I came here alone with my Christmas wish. Year after year I remained alone. At least this year it was a beautiful night.
Did you know I like to write: The Trillborne Wife, Policy, Some Reason, and Fractured Unity.
