None should live in the past and that is not what I am suggesting. Rather, I am simply looking ahead by looking back. Mere rhetoric? Not hardly. It is by experience we are prepared for the future. And it was the the collection of our life experiences that has us where we are today. If we don't understand those experiences, we may have to suffer subsequent repeats of them.
Looking back on my own life, there are many wonderful and exciting experiences that perhaps would not be so bad to repeat. But also, there are many, many terrible experiences I wish I could completely erase. But I cannot blot out those things from my mind. Perhaps that is a good thing. I dislike even the memory of them so much, I would go to the greatest lengths to never repeat them.
Over the years I have experienced the death of relatives, grand-parents, my father, loved ones, and even the death of a marriage. None of those experiences are something I desire to repeat again. But each of them formed in me a new will, a new understanding, and a new commitment to love the family I have and be the best son, husband, and father I can be.
Having experienced the utter betrayal of a spouse and then having the experience of handling the fallout of that event in the lives of my own children, I can attest that kind of experience will definitely cause your knees to buckle. But the experience with my children as we redefined and reshaped our family was something I hold dear. It was a mysteriously good time for us, despite how we got there.
Even then, in the aftermath of that turbulent time, I also endured the experience of losing a close friend, for reasons I still don't know. In fact, the death of my marriage spilled over to impact nearly all my friends to one degree or another. I am still finding evidence of the fallout now several years later. In some cases it is the result of misinformation, but in some cases, it is purely the result of lies spread by others, for whatever reasons they purposed in their heart.
In the midst of such complexity to my life at times like that, I was often the recipient of amazing blessings, though I must admit, I did not always realize at the moment. As an example, even when I was not looking for a wife, God led one right to me. But that was one of those times I recognized a blessing. There are moments in a person's life when there is a defining choice to make: to trust God, or trust others. I chose to trust God and ask that woman to be my wife. And since she was trusting God as well, she said yes. And she has been a blessing to me in many ways.
As I look back over all such experiences, good and bad, I see many of those defining moments. A decision was to be made. And time and time again I have seen the best choice was to seek God first. He has never led me astray. I am led to believe, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that no matter what the situation, He really does cause all things for my "good". Sometimes I just don't understand it at the moment, but once again, looking back, I can see it.
And now, as I look at some of my most recent experiences, I am simply in awe at how good God has been to me. In the past four years following the betrayal and abandonment by my first wife, I have gotten married to a wonderful woman, received her three wonderful daughters to raise as my own, watched my oldest two children reach an age some may call "adult", and was there for the birth of my youngest daughter. I count all my children as blessings - though at times they may cause some cursing, such is the nature of children.
So what have I learned from this little look back? Mostly that I cannot even begin to predict what is in store for me and what is yet to come. But I can say this, I know that no matter what it is, ultimately, God is good to me. That much I can definitely look ahead to.
Copyright 2009, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)
