It has been months since I last posted in my blog. Why the delay? Why the absence from sage and sound pronouncements and potent musings on the state of life, living, and all?
I don't know.
I think mostly because there is simply too much going on and I could never sit down and sift through life and pull out something that stood out above the others enough to warrant its own entry. Perhaps its the ennui of winter dragging out into slow spring. Or maybe I really am that ADD.
So many things have happened and so much has changed. Too much to really cover in a few pages and I would not want to bore others to the point of self-mutilation. So maybe a spring recap is in order and then perhaps I will be on track going forward.
The first thing I have to say is that being an old dad ain't so bad after all. When I first learned that I was going to be a father yet again at 42, I was "concerned" to say the least. After the shock, I added up all the kids including the one coming and my legs buckled under the weight of six kids counted on my fingers.
And yet, here I am with what has to be one of the most wonderful little girls any dad could ever hope for. Having four other girls I have to be careful with comparisons because I have learned over time that females (young and old) can get their feelings hurt pretty easy. But I also know that even her sisters would have to say that our little bundle of joy is the "most awesomest baby ever". They said so. That proves it.
So life with a 5 month old is not much different than life with a teenager with the obvious exception of the diapers. And I think my experiences and even my age have qualified me to better appreciate the joys of a new baby. The first time around I was a complete amateur. But this is my third baby and sixth child, I have been able to apply some mellow to my attitude this time around far easier than before.
I mean really, its not the end of the world for a baby to smear food on their head, or a pacifier to drop to the floor. Wipe the head down, brush the pacifier across your jeans a couple of times and press on. And for any that would say "oh my, you let your baby have a pacifier that has dared touch the dirty floor" to that I would say "yeah, and I remember seeing my pre-toddler son eat a dead spider before I could stop him." Really, babies are not as fragile as you think. Mine survived. That has to count for something.
So I have the most awesomest baby that smiles most of the time. What else could stir me so?
I have the most awesomest wife. She is the most awesomest mother. I have five other kids that are sometimes the most awesomest and sometimes the worstest - well, not really but they are kids. Those things stir me too.
I also have to say that there have been some down times this winter as well. My wife's father passed away unexpectedly. And now her mother has moved to Florida, a few states away. It also seems like it is the time in my life for those adults I remember from childhood to pass on also. There have been so many. I think back and its saddening to think of all those people that I once knew in various capacities growing up that are now gone.
But let us not dwell there. I also remember all the fun times that involved those people. I remember their kindness, their smiles, their laughs, and their presence in my life. It made my life better and from my perspective their lives were not in vain. They brought much into this world with all they did, even when they did not know they were doing anything special because sometimes, it was only special to me.
I have been blessed with the ability to recall memories in exquisite detail - with the exception of calculus, no memories there - and I can easily think back and picture those now gone. I see them from my youth and later. I can see their mannerisms and their peculiarities. Sometimes I recall events and I see them smiling, laughing, helping, caring, and just doing what they always did.
I guess the other big item that stirs me now is stress.
Anyone feeling stress from the economy? Well I am. I am stressed over my job, stressed over my work situation and the insane work distance arrangement I have. And I am stressed as a husband and dad just trying to keep it all going.
Its a good thing God is there with me because really, no man can do this on his own. Anyone is a fool to think otherwise.
And in the midst of all this what happens? Hernia surgery. Not the regular kind. Oh no. I have to have umbilical hernia surgery, something normally corrected in childhood. I remember seeing my first two kids both have this surgery and they were bouncing off the walls in about 2-3 days. For me, two weeks later I was still feeling it.
Oh well. I at least gave my family something to laugh at when they came into the living room where I camped out and would ask me questions just to hear my vicodin-induced answers. I did catch on when the 11 year old asked if she could take the tractor out for a drive. After initially nodding and muttering "sure" I quickly come to with a "what? no!".
So there it is. I reduced five months of living to just a few pages.
Oh, one thing to add. Just in the last week or so the baby has started the "da-da-da-da" phase. And when I look down at her smiling - and sometimes not smiling - face, and she says "da-da", stress is forgotten, bad memories fade, and she melts my heart. Yes, this old crusted bonehead has turned into a soft mush over the years. So I pick her up and hold her close. All is good.
Copyright 2009, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)
