Today was a lazy day. And late this afternoon, I fixed some pasta for the kids. We were going to settle down, eat pasta, and watch Pirates of the Caribbean on DVD. That was when we discovered that the DVD player was dead. It had died sometime in the night, with a quiet passing. We know that our old DVD player was not the best, it had its quirks, but it had been a faithful family friend for years. And now it has gone on to its not so final resting ground, the dumpster.
Actually come to think of it, that DVD player sucked. It was very picky at times. It would get confused about whether it was loading or unloading and sometimes would just do random things. And what was most irritating was that the only way the remote worked reliably was if you pointed it directly at the receiver with a 2 degree inclination at a distance of no more than 17 millimeters. So, good riddance to old junk.
A quick check on the walmart.com site showed me what I was looking for. They have a progressive scan DVD player for less than $40. Now I know, you get what you pay for, but if this only lasts a year, it was worth it. So off to Walmart to get a new DVD player. Of course once in Walmart, they have a neural limiter that makes it easier for you to purchase other things. You start to think "well I need this and I need that ... and oh cool, I want one of those". Walmart is a dangerous place to be.
Now on the way to Walmart, we got the mail. And something my daughter was looking for finally arrived: the DVD made while they were at church camp. A few entries ago I posted about about my kids coming home from church camp. This was something I was also eager to see. So the first thing played on our new low-end progressive scan DVD player bought from Walmart was this DVD.
There were a few shots of both of my kids including my daughter singing a song that she wrote herself. Wow. I heard about this, but I never imagined her getting up in front of people to sing. It was cool to get a short glimpse of it.
Now to address the title of this post. The camp coordinators had a pirate theme this year and the DVD was chock full of goofy pirate antics. They were the self-proclaimed Pirates of the Chickamauga, which I now know is a lake in Georgia. These guys seemed to do their best to make the camp fun for all the teens there. I thank them.
So now, it is evening and we are preparing to watch another DVD. And what better one to watch than Pirates of the Caribbean. So avast thar ye land lubber and stow the rigging. Our DVD player is set sail for pirate adventure.
Arrrrrrrrr!
Yeah, I know that last bit is stupid. But hey, I would rather be watching pirates than doing pilates.
Copyright 2005, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Thursday, July 28, 2005
The Volvo
I have all my life driven simple vehicles. I have had a Volkswagon Bug, a Pontiac J2000, an Isuzu I-Mark, a Chevy S10 pickup truck, and I got the Dodge Grand Caravan out of the divorce. But the minivan died. It had a "seizure" and does not run. So for the past month I had been driving a borrowed vehicle from a friend. It is a Ford F-150 pickup truck. But I really needed to get my van fixed or get a vehicle.
Enter the Volvo.
My ex sent me an email about a 1990 Volvo 760 Turbo for sale from her office. I called the guy (an attorney) and arranged to see it. The price was so right, only $1100, so I bought it. It has high mileage and does show its 15 years age. However, it runs, which is more than I can say for my van. So tonight, I took possession of a Volvo.
I have to say, I never before liked Volvo cars. I always thought they were a bit boxy and ... well ... not "cool" looking. However, they are solid cars with an excellent reputation. And I needed a car. But never did I expect to be driving a Volvo. I think I always assumed some kind of stigma about them
Shudder! I don't even want to consider that again.So I now have a Volvo and I have to shed that stigma. I was told by some friends that this was my "Euro-trash" car. I think that is funny.
I went by to show it to my friends. On the way, I opened a couple of compartment doors. Well, that was less than pleasant. Somehow I got the glove compartment door stuck closed. When I pulled hard enough to open it, a piece of something went flying. And now the door appears to work normally. The center console lid needs fixing as well. Basically I told my friends "if it looks like a door, don't open it".
Well, there are many more problems than that. But as a whole, I like my Volvo. I can't believe I think that, but I do.
So I sit and think about it. I never pictured myself driving a Volvo. But here I am, driving a Volvo. You know if this was anyone else, there would be no reason to even write about it. But this is me we are talking about. You know, the Volvo guy.
Copyright 2005, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)
Enter the Volvo.
My ex sent me an email about a 1990 Volvo 760 Turbo for sale from her office. I called the guy (an attorney) and arranged to see it. The price was so right, only $1100, so I bought it. It has high mileage and does show its 15 years age. However, it runs, which is more than I can say for my van. So tonight, I took possession of a Volvo.
I have to say, I never before liked Volvo cars. I always thought they were a bit boxy and ... well ... not "cool" looking. However, they are solid cars with an excellent reputation. And I needed a car. But never did I expect to be driving a Volvo. I think I always assumed some kind of stigma about them
Buffy, I just had the Volvo cleaned, must you allow your little dog Muffin to sit in the seat?
Why Bink, wittle Muffin wikes your great big car.
Oh very well poopsie, just keep a towel ready in case Muffin has to tinkle. Ha ha, ha ha ha.
Shudder! I don't even want to consider that again.So I now have a Volvo and I have to shed that stigma. I was told by some friends that this was my "Euro-trash" car. I think that is funny.
I went by to show it to my friends. On the way, I opened a couple of compartment doors. Well, that was less than pleasant. Somehow I got the glove compartment door stuck closed. When I pulled hard enough to open it, a piece of something went flying. And now the door appears to work normally. The center console lid needs fixing as well. Basically I told my friends "if it looks like a door, don't open it".
Well, there are many more problems than that. But as a whole, I like my Volvo. I can't believe I think that, but I do.
So I sit and think about it. I never pictured myself driving a Volvo. But here I am, driving a Volvo. You know if this was anyone else, there would be no reason to even write about it. But this is me we are talking about. You know, the Volvo guy.
Copyright 2005, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)
Friday, July 22, 2005
Harry Potter, Book 6, Day 2, Chapters 22-30
Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, now that I have got that out of my system. I must gloat over two things, but I won't spill the beans, no spoilers.
Thing #1, I accurately predicted the identity of a death that features in this book.Thing #2, I accurately predicted the identity of the killer.
Now my suspicion is that killer's motives are not what they appear to be. I believe the killer has different reasons than the obvious ones.
And in continuing with my previous posts on this, I still believe that this is probably my favorite book of the series right now. Though the last chapter nearly changed that. I don't know how J.K.R. will be able to bring this to conclusion in one more book. Unless this is not the plan... Those who read the book may follow me on that one.
Read this book.
Copyright 2005, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)
Ok, now that I have got that out of my system. I must gloat over two things, but I won't spill the beans, no spoilers.
Thing #1, I accurately predicted the identity of a death that features in this book.Thing #2, I accurately predicted the identity of the killer.
Now my suspicion is that killer's motives are not what they appear to be. I believe the killer has different reasons than the obvious ones.
And in continuing with my previous posts on this, I still believe that this is probably my favorite book of the series right now. Though the last chapter nearly changed that. I don't know how J.K.R. will be able to bring this to conclusion in one more book. Unless this is not the plan... Those who read the book may follow me on that one.
Read this book.
Copyright 2005, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Harry Potter, Book 6, Day 2, Chapters 12-21
I wanted to start reading right away last night when I got home, right after I fixed dinner, and right after I did a few things, and right after I got settled in for the evening. So needless to day, I did not get started reading until quite late. So I did not stop reading until it was very late last night, or very early this morning depending on your perspective.
So far the book is proving to be exceptional. I am still quite engaged in the story and I did not want to put the book down. However, when you can't keep your eyes focused, or much less open, it is time to give it a rest. I think tonight I will have finished it and then I can talk to the kids and to my friend Rita about it. She has been "drumming her fingers" waiting patiently - or bursting at the seams, it's one of those two - and not talking about it so far.
There are so many bits I want to talk about in the book. I want to see what others thought about things. But still I want to wait until I am finished reading as I am building up my "solution" to this whodunit. Even pointing to some event as being significant could alter my thoughts and reduce my expectations.
This is a good book.
Copyright 2005, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)
So far the book is proving to be exceptional. I am still quite engaged in the story and I did not want to put the book down. However, when you can't keep your eyes focused, or much less open, it is time to give it a rest. I think tonight I will have finished it and then I can talk to the kids and to my friend Rita about it. She has been "drumming her fingers" waiting patiently - or bursting at the seams, it's one of those two - and not talking about it so far.
There are so many bits I want to talk about in the book. I want to see what others thought about things. But still I want to wait until I am finished reading as I am building up my "solution" to this whodunit. Even pointing to some event as being significant could alter my thoughts and reduce my expectations.
This is a good book.
Copyright 2005, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Harry Potter, Book 6, Day 1, Chapters 1-11
Well I was patient and my kids finished reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince the other day. So I started reading last night. And I stayed up too late. It was that engaging. So what follows is my reaction so far.
First off I want to say that this has so far proven to me to be J.K.R.'s finest writing. She was good from the start, but now she is nothing less than excellent. I started reading last night and in the first few pages I thought to myself "wow, she has really done it this time". Rats! I did not want to use the "wow" word like my friends Rita and Lynette. But it does fit.
And like Lynette experienced, when I realized I was one third of the way through the book, I was thinking to myself "I don't want this to end that quickly". But at the same time I was reading as though the next page might contain the cure for cancer or something. I just kept reading until my eyes finally wouldn't focus last night. I did not want to put it down. It is that good.
I expect to be completely through it by tomorrow night, or possibly tonight. It just depends on distractions. And with two teens at home, there are distractions. But both of them are also waiting for me to finish it so we can discuss it openly. I told them I did not want to hear any spoilers and so far they have been very nice about it. But they also make sly little hints to each other. I just do my best Gollum impersonation, clasp my hands over my ears and repeat "not listening! not listening!"
Updates of reading progress to follow. I can't wait to get home from work and start it again.
Copyright 2005, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)
First off I want to say that this has so far proven to me to be J.K.R.'s finest writing. She was good from the start, but now she is nothing less than excellent. I started reading last night and in the first few pages I thought to myself "wow, she has really done it this time". Rats! I did not want to use the "wow" word like my friends Rita and Lynette. But it does fit.
And like Lynette experienced, when I realized I was one third of the way through the book, I was thinking to myself "I don't want this to end that quickly". But at the same time I was reading as though the next page might contain the cure for cancer or something. I just kept reading until my eyes finally wouldn't focus last night. I did not want to put it down. It is that good.
I expect to be completely through it by tomorrow night, or possibly tonight. It just depends on distractions. And with two teens at home, there are distractions. But both of them are also waiting for me to finish it so we can discuss it openly. I told them I did not want to hear any spoilers and so far they have been very nice about it. But they also make sly little hints to each other. I just do my best Gollum impersonation, clasp my hands over my ears and repeat "not listening! not listening!"
Updates of reading progress to follow. I can't wait to get home from work and start it again.
Copyright 2005, Kevin Farley (a.k.a. sixdrift, a.k.a. neuronstatic)
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Church Camp and Crowbars
My two teens spent last week at church camp in Colorado. It was a quiet week at home, except for the sounds of explosions, gunfire, and total carnage. I spent most of the week's free time playing Mercenaries, a game of incredible violence in warfare. And incredibly fun. Yes, it's true, I played games and did nothing really productive.
When they came back on Saturday, I was eager to hear the stories they brought back with them. When I sent them on their way over a week ago, I gave them these three instructions:
Well, I won't go into all the details here. I just want to leave a teaser. My daughter started a story with "we had to steal the crowbar from the boys' cabin". Well, that was quite an opener. Essentially they needed the crowbar to do a little .... stealthy acquisition of team flags and provide secure storage of said flags over the following days. Yeah, they stole the team flags :-)
And to cover tracks, they "stole" their own flag as well. Clever. Really it was just a harmless prank involving several of the girls. I thought it was hysterical. Especially hearing how one of the kids at camp had "developed a weird emotional attachment" (my daughter's words) to their team flag.
So I asked my son, "why did you guys take a crowbar with you?" He said "oh we didn't take one, bought one on the way." There is only one response to that. So I said "That makes sense. But next time you guys need one of those all-in-one tools with screwdrivers and a hammer as well. Some pliers may come in handy also."
I know that many of you would disagree with me and say that I am encouraging sinful behavior that could lead my kids to a life of sin and crime and they spend the rest of their lives in prison for stealing national treasures to sell on the Russian black market or end up as members of a terrorist organization. Yes, that is a ridiculous exaggeration. Life for teens does not have to be so serious, IMHO.
Life should be fun. My kids have had a lot of un-fun this year. This year, their mother walked out on us and now now we are divorced. Early on in the year, we didn't have much extra cash for doing fun things. They are going to start public school for the first time this fall. And in general, it has been a rough year. Yes I encouraged my kids to explore the rules and find how to poke holes in them a bit. Yes I encouraged my kids to have fun.
Yes there is satisfaction and fulfillment in being model citizens and model Christian children. But often, the standards set by many legalists offer no joy, no satisfaction, and no fun. They mostly offer only guilt. And they are typically unsupportable by scriptures and represent the mantra of the modern Pharisees.
Jesus laughed. Jesus smiled. And I believe that at times, Jesus had a bit of fun talking smack with the established religious leaders and the Pharisees. He is clever and witty. He is a model citizen of God's kingdom. He is merciful. He is not a legalist stick in the mud. Jesus is cool. So more than anything, I encourage my kids to be like Jesus.
When they came back on Saturday, I was eager to hear the stories they brought back with them. When I sent them on their way over a week ago, I gave them these three instructions:
- Do nothing to get thrown out from camp, I can't come to get you.
- Do nothing stupid to get yourself or anyone else hurt, I can't come to get you.
- Push the limits and have fun, I would like to be there too.
Well, I won't go into all the details here. I just want to leave a teaser. My daughter started a story with "we had to steal the crowbar from the boys' cabin". Well, that was quite an opener. Essentially they needed the crowbar to do a little .... stealthy acquisition of team flags and provide secure storage of said flags over the following days. Yeah, they stole the team flags :-)
And to cover tracks, they "stole" their own flag as well. Clever. Really it was just a harmless prank involving several of the girls. I thought it was hysterical. Especially hearing how one of the kids at camp had "developed a weird emotional attachment" (my daughter's words) to their team flag.
So I asked my son, "why did you guys take a crowbar with you?" He said "oh we didn't take one,
I know that many of you would disagree with me and say that I am encouraging sinful behavior that could lead my kids to a life of sin and crime and they spend the rest of their lives in prison for stealing national treasures to sell on the Russian black market or end up as members of a terrorist organization. Yes, that is a ridiculous exaggeration. Life for teens does not have to be so serious, IMHO.
Life should be fun. My kids have had a lot of un-fun this year. This year, their mother walked out on us and now now we are divorced. Early on in the year, we didn't have much extra cash for doing fun things. They are going to start public school for the first time this fall. And in general, it has been a rough year. Yes I encouraged my kids to explore the rules and find how to poke holes in them a bit. Yes I encouraged my kids to have fun.
Yes there is satisfaction and fulfillment in being model citizens and model Christian children. But often, the standards set by many legalists offer no joy, no satisfaction, and no fun. They mostly offer only guilt. And they are typically unsupportable by scriptures and represent the mantra of the modern Pharisees.
Jesus laughed. Jesus smiled. And I believe that at times, Jesus had a bit of fun talking smack with the established religious leaders and the Pharisees. He is clever and witty. He is a model citizen of God's kingdom. He is merciful. He is not a legalist stick in the mud. Jesus is cool. So more than anything, I encourage my kids to be like Jesus.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
I've Been Harry Potter'ed
The other night was the big event all the Harry Potter fans have been waiting for: the release of Half-Blood Prince. I was in a book store along with about 1200 other people counting down the hours until they started selling the books. I understood that there were about 600 people outside in line as well. I arrived around 8:30 and I was still well back in the queue. They assigned group letters and I was "G". I didn't get my books (yes plural, both kids both want to read it and this is far better than trying to work out sharing plans) until about 12:30.
They had a costume competition and a little Veela won. However, I was rooting for a very realistic Dobby complete with grubby pillow case, if you can imagine. And as we approached the last moments before midnight, there was an in-store unison countdown of the last 10 seconds with a quite loud roar of enthusiasm and applause at midnight. And then the lines started to move.
It was interesting, weird, at moments fun, but if nothing else, it was enlightening. I did a lot of people watching. Having two teens myself, I was especially curious to watch the teens moving around the stored. In general they were all just trying to have a bit of fun. And though many were dressed in wizarding robes, often with accessories (like wands), and sometimes other garments that I could only guess their meaning (some appeared to have the wrong book in mind), still these teens were trying to preserve their "cool". They were trying to balance between "look I am cool enough to act a bit silly and not worry about it" and the dreaded "look I am acting so silly I am no longer cool, but its fun."
Now I have to wait until at least one of my kids is done with their book so I can read it. Maybe if I cross a bit of Hogwarts with D&D, I could cast a hastening spell on them and get it quicker :-)
They had a costume competition and a little Veela won. However, I was rooting for a very realistic Dobby complete with grubby pillow case, if you can imagine. And as we approached the last moments before midnight, there was an in-store unison countdown of the last 10 seconds with a quite loud roar of enthusiasm and applause at midnight. And then the lines started to move.
It was interesting, weird, at moments fun, but if nothing else, it was enlightening. I did a lot of people watching. Having two teens myself, I was especially curious to watch the teens moving around the stored. In general they were all just trying to have a bit of fun. And though many were dressed in wizarding robes, often with accessories (like wands), and sometimes other garments that I could only guess their meaning (some appeared to have the wrong book in mind), still these teens were trying to preserve their "cool". They were trying to balance between "look I am cool enough to act a bit silly and not worry about it" and the dreaded "look I am acting so silly I am no longer cool, but its fun."
Now I have to wait until at least one of my kids is done with their book so I can read it. Maybe if I cross a bit of Hogwarts with D&D, I could cast a hastening spell on them and get it quicker :-)
Friday, July 15, 2005
Living My Life
Who lives your life for you? Do you live your life for yourself? Do you live vicariously through others? These are important questions. And as I have learned, can have significant consequences at times.
It is difficult to piece together your life again when it has been turned upside down. And the one place you turn to is your friends. But what happens when your friends believe they know what you're doing even when you don't? What about when your friends believe they know what you're doing when they really are quite wrong, but won't believe you? What about when your friends offer you advice that is really not conducive to your personal goals? And finally, what about when your friends simply do not like your way of living your life, and they abandon you?
Well, I can tell you, it really depends on your friends. A casual friend will mostly accept what you do and let it pass. A closer friend may counsel you and take a stronger interest in your thoughts and your actions. A really close friend may try to take the reigns and steer you down they path they think best. And there is every possible variation on those that you will see.
But it is that last category that causes the most pain. A really close friend may really have your best interest at heart. They may sacrifice time and energy trying to help you solve your problems. But they may also may take it personal when you don't see things their way. Let me illustrate by way of real life example.
Because I recently have found myself in a strange new world - the divorced adult single dating world - I can honestly say I really don't know what I am doing now. Yet at the same time, I do have a pretty good idea of the end goals that I want to see myself reach. So while I can't really say "hey, I know what I am doing", I can readily say "I know I don't want to do that."
Some of my casual friends have given me some reasonable advice - take it slow, keep the faith, look for character and integrity, and other really rational gems. But some of this advice has been.... well not what I want for me. For example, I was advised by one friend to "take at least a year after divorce before you even begin to start dating." Uh..... no. I do not want to do that. I do not want to be that lonely that long, unless it is God's will that I be that alone that long. And I would know if it was His will if that is what happened.
Another friend told me "date a lot, find out what all kinds of women are like until you find what you want." Well, I don't think that is what I really want to do either. I don't want to date for the sake of dating. And that could lead me to temptation (or bankruptcy).
And in those cases of the casual friend, they really didn't care if I took their advice or not. They just wanted to offer it. But they are not emotionally invested enough to really wait for the follow-through. That is OK. We should have different friends at different levels. It helps us to strike a balance.
Now some of my closer friends have offered similar rational advice but then watch the follow-through. They ask questions, they are sometimes concerned with my actions, but they are always supportive. Even when I make a mistake (which is inevitable), they are there to try to help me carry on.
But sadly, a very close friend has chosen a different tactic. From my perspective, this friend approves of nothing I do, if I do not do exactly as he would have me do it. I am not joking. Whether real or only perception, this is exactly how it seems. For example, my friend was there through my divorce and was tired of dealing with some of the issues - I do not blame him for this - and told me "I do not want to hear about your personal life anymore." Well, I felt abandoned, but I know I had been a burden to them. So I did as requested. Now comes the hard part.
I keep my private life, and specifically my dating life, to myself, sharing nothing of it with my friend. However, he continued to think on it, and had decided, quite on his own, that he "knew" what I was actually doing, even though I was saying nothing. Well, that is disheartening, but not enough to damage the friendship. But then, because he is so convinced he knows that I have embarked on some strange path and that I am being secretive about it, that he completely refuses to believe me when I refute his claims. He calls me a liar and abandons me again. That hurts.
I asked my friend "so you think I am hiding something and I am doing something secretive when you see me just doing my thing because I don't tell you about it, when you told me not to tell you?" I then asked "do you want to me to share my personal life with you or not? If you do I will, I have nothing to hide, but why do you condemn me as secretive because I do not do what you would do, but instead you see me doing what I want to do, and you told me not to tell you about it?" I don't know the answers to these questions because he gave none.
I would hope that time would heal these wounds. Those I have inflicted, and those he has inflicted. And I will still be his friend, but the dynamics are certainly different now. I know that he believes me to be a liar, so trust will be difficult to maintain in both directions.
So I have decided to live my life, make my mistakes, and take my consequences. This does not mean I am just going to live wild and free as if there is no tomorrow. On the contrary, it means that I will continue to seek wise counsel and live as a follower of Christ. I will at times take that counsel, and at times I will not take it based solely on my own personal goals, experiences, and beliefs compared to the advice giver. This does not mean that I do not respect them, it only means that I do not see things their particular way.
It is the only life I have. Betrayal and divorce have ruined it enough. I just want to live out what is left of it as I think best. I am not perfect, nor would I claim to be. I am stumbling through life as it is, carrying an enormous load. Please don't burden me with more of it by projecting yourself onto my life, it can't carry the weight of more than one at a time.
It is difficult to piece together your life again when it has been turned upside down. And the one place you turn to is your friends. But what happens when your friends believe they know what you're doing even when you don't? What about when your friends believe they know what you're doing when they really are quite wrong, but won't believe you? What about when your friends offer you advice that is really not conducive to your personal goals? And finally, what about when your friends simply do not like your way of living your life, and they abandon you?
Well, I can tell you, it really depends on your friends. A casual friend will mostly accept what you do and let it pass. A closer friend may counsel you and take a stronger interest in your thoughts and your actions. A really close friend may try to take the reigns and steer you down they path they think best. And there is every possible variation on those that you will see.
But it is that last category that causes the most pain. A really close friend may really have your best interest at heart. They may sacrifice time and energy trying to help you solve your problems. But they may also may take it personal when you don't see things their way. Let me illustrate by way of real life example.
Because I recently have found myself in a strange new world - the divorced adult single dating world - I can honestly say I really don't know what I am doing now. Yet at the same time, I do have a pretty good idea of the end goals that I want to see myself reach. So while I can't really say "hey, I know what I am doing", I can readily say "I know I don't want to do that."
Some of my casual friends have given me some reasonable advice - take it slow, keep the faith, look for character and integrity, and other really rational gems. But some of this advice has been.... well not what I want for me. For example, I was advised by one friend to "take at least a year after divorce before you even begin to start dating." Uh..... no. I do not want to do that. I do not want to be that lonely that long, unless it is God's will that I be that alone that long. And I would know if it was His will if that is what happened.
Another friend told me "date a lot, find out what all kinds of women are like until you find what you want." Well, I don't think that is what I really want to do either. I don't want to date for the sake of dating. And that could lead me to temptation (or bankruptcy).
And in those cases of the casual friend, they really didn't care if I took their advice or not. They just wanted to offer it. But they are not emotionally invested enough to really wait for the follow-through. That is OK. We should have different friends at different levels. It helps us to strike a balance.
Now some of my closer friends have offered similar rational advice but then watch the follow-through. They ask questions, they are sometimes concerned with my actions, but they are always supportive. Even when I make a mistake (which is inevitable), they are there to try to help me carry on.
But sadly, a very close friend has chosen a different tactic. From my perspective, this friend approves of nothing I do, if I do not do exactly as he would have me do it. I am not joking. Whether real or only perception, this is exactly how it seems. For example, my friend was there through my divorce and was tired of dealing with some of the issues - I do not blame him for this - and told me "I do not want to hear about your personal life anymore." Well, I felt abandoned, but I know I had been a burden to them. So I did as requested. Now comes the hard part.
I keep my private life, and specifically my dating life, to myself, sharing nothing of it with my friend. However, he continued to think on it, and had decided, quite on his own, that he "knew" what I was actually doing, even though I was saying nothing. Well, that is disheartening, but not enough to damage the friendship. But then, because he is so convinced he knows that I have embarked on some strange path and that I am being secretive about it, that he completely refuses to believe me when I refute his claims. He calls me a liar and abandons me again. That hurts.
I asked my friend "so you think I am hiding something and I am doing something secretive when you see me just doing my thing because I don't tell you about it, when you told me not to tell you?" I then asked "do you want to me to share my personal life with you or not? If you do I will, I have nothing to hide, but why do you condemn me as secretive because I do not do what you would do, but instead you see me doing what I want to do, and you told me not to tell you about it?" I don't know the answers to these questions because he gave none.
I would hope that time would heal these wounds. Those I have inflicted, and those he has inflicted. And I will still be his friend, but the dynamics are certainly different now. I know that he believes me to be a liar, so trust will be difficult to maintain in both directions.
So I have decided to live my life, make my mistakes, and take my consequences. This does not mean I am just going to live wild and free as if there is no tomorrow. On the contrary, it means that I will continue to seek wise counsel and live as a follower of Christ. I will at times take that counsel, and at times I will not take it based solely on my own personal goals, experiences, and beliefs compared to the advice giver. This does not mean that I do not respect them, it only means that I do not see things their particular way.
It is the only life I have. Betrayal and divorce have ruined it enough. I just want to live out what is left of it as I think best. I am not perfect, nor would I claim to be. I am stumbling through life as it is, carrying an enormous load. Please don't burden me with more of it by projecting yourself onto my life, it can't carry the weight of more than one at a time.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
A Gasoline Shower
A more appropriate title for this post could be:
I stopped at a gas station yesterday on my way home from work. I was standing there between the pumps talking to a friend of mine who was also there. Then we heard a shower of gasoline spewing from the top of the gas pump all over the side of some lady's car and the ground. And listen, when a gas pump is fully running it cranks out some gas. There was a lot quickly.
The lady looked at me and said "what do I do?" I immediately responded "emergency cutoff switch!" And then I began to look for it. Guess what. They put that switch close to the building so the employees can get to it quickly. I didn't find it. So I did the next logical thing. I braved the shower of gasoline to grab the pump handle, removed it from the car and put it back on the pump. And yes that shut off the gas.
Now by this time both of my arms are fully soaked in gasoline. It was on my shoes, my pants, and my watch. I can still smell it as I write this.
Why did this happen?
You know that "break-away" feature of the gas pump handle and hose? That is the bit that breaks apart (and theoretically shuts off the flow of gas) in case you drive off with the pump handle still in your car. Well that is where the gas was spewing from.
According to the employee at the gas station (and I am sorry but he was such the stereotypical Indian convenience store clerk, it was too funny), that pump was already broken. They left the pump handle in its cradle even though the hose was disconnected. I presume this was so the other handles would work correctly. Now the lady did not see that the hose was laying on the ground and did not connect above her head. Hey, I run on autopilot so much, I could easily make that mistake. I guess being a bit ADD and OCD helps me to spot those kinds of things.
A little gasoline doesn't smell all that bad. Add a little more and it reeks. Take a shower in it and it REALLY stinks!
So take my advice, don't drink and drive, don't do drugs, tip your server, go to church, and always survey the gas station and its pumps before you crank it up.
This has been a public service announcement of the I Don't Want to Take Gasoline Showers Foundation and not the Will Rogers Institute. Had this been an actual emergency, you would have seen me speeding past you. Taxes and tags not included and your mileage may vary.
What To Do When A Gas Pump Spews Gasoline All Over The Place
I stopped at a gas station yesterday on my way home from work. I was standing there between the pumps talking to a friend of mine who was also there. Then we heard a shower of gasoline spewing from the top of the gas pump all over the side of some lady's car and the ground. And listen, when a gas pump is fully running it cranks out some gas. There was a lot quickly.
The lady looked at me and said "what do I do?" I immediately responded "emergency cutoff switch!" And then I began to look for it. Guess what. They put that switch close to the building so the employees can get to it quickly. I didn't find it. So I did the next logical thing. I braved the shower of gasoline to grab the pump handle, removed it from the car and put it back on the pump. And yes that shut off the gas.
Now by this time both of my arms are fully soaked in gasoline. It was on my shoes, my pants, and my watch. I can still smell it as I write this.
Why did this happen?
You know that "break-away" feature of the gas pump handle and hose? That is the bit that breaks apart (and theoretically shuts off the flow of gas) in case you drive off with the pump handle still in your car. Well that is where the gas was spewing from.
According to the employee at the gas station (and I am sorry but he was such the stereotypical Indian convenience store clerk, it was too funny), that pump was already broken. They left the pump handle in its cradle even though the hose was disconnected. I presume this was so the other handles would work correctly. Now the lady did not see that the hose was laying on the ground and did not connect above her head. Hey, I run on autopilot so much, I could easily make that mistake. I guess being a bit ADD and OCD helps me to spot those kinds of things.
A little gasoline doesn't smell all that bad. Add a little more and it reeks. Take a shower in it and it REALLY stinks!
So take my advice, don't drink and drive, don't do drugs, tip your server, go to church, and always survey the gas station and its pumps before you crank it up.
This has been a public service announcement of the I Don't Want to Take Gasoline Showers Foundation and not the Will Rogers Institute. Had this been an actual emergency, you would have seen me speeding past you. Taxes and tags not included and your mileage may vary.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
More Teenage Estrogen
Well I spent another day at the mall with my teenage daughter and her friends. The pack seems to be more tolerant of my presence now. I can study their flocking behavior without them reacting to my presence. On more than one occasion, I was in the immediate vicinity of them when they were seeking prey and going for the kill without them being spooked.
Teens in the wild are quite impressive in their stalking abiities. They can sneak up on shoes, skirts, shirts, candy, and the more unusual items in a mall with the ease of a lioness prowling the open grasslands. I have seen them dodge competing flocks, redirect their stalking to a new target, and in general, show their impressive abilities as modern hunters.
But the most important thing was I got to spend the day with my daughter. All kidding aside, I love my daughter and I am very happy to take her to the mall and spend time with her.
And in the teen language - peace out! The adult translation is "May God be with you".
Teens in the wild are quite impressive in their stalking abiities. They can sneak up on shoes, skirts, shirts, candy, and the more unusual items in a mall with the ease of a lioness prowling the open grasslands. I have seen them dodge competing flocks, redirect their stalking to a new target, and in general, show their impressive abilities as modern hunters.
But the most important thing was I got to spend the day with my daughter. All kidding aside, I love my daughter and I am very happy to take her to the mall and spend time with her.
And in the teen language - peace out! The adult translation is "May God be with you".
Friday, July 08, 2005
Now Is The Time
I read of the London bombings first on the Internet yesterday. I am not proud to say that the horrific nature of this crime against the people of Britain has not fully sunk in just yet. My world is too jaded for me to fully appreciate the severity and horror of that reality. There has been so much killing and destruction in the last few years that my brain is becoming numb to it. That is sad. This posting is my first attempt to do something about that.
So what will I do? Well, I will not give in to the terrorist's methods. They want to isolate the US. They do this by perpetrating acts of cowardice against innocent people. Now I just called the citizens of the UK and the US innocents. The terrorists would have you believe that the citizenry of a country is not innocent of their leader's actions. Well that is not quite true. That only applies to countries they do not like. Their countries however their citizens are innocent and the US and the UK have no right to be involved there.
So which is it? Are the non-military, non-government citizens of a country responsible for their leader's actions? Interesting question isn't it. You want to say "yes", but if you do, then you justify the terrorists. You want to say "no" but then you justify the US and UK governments. What a predicament.
I posit that the citizenry are mostly not responsible. How so? I am a citizen of the US. But I have no direct influence on individual military situations. As a citizen of a democracy, or at least a republic, your influence as a voting citizen does not extend to the day to day operations of the government or the military. Yet you are responsible for electing the leaders of that country. And as was the case in the late 1700's, those citizens have the responsibility to stand up to bad leadership. It happened again the mid 1800's when the citizens of the southern US thought the northern US states were doing a bad job. In both of those cases, there was armed conflict. In one, the uprising won, and the US exists. In the other, the uprising was defeated, and a whole US still exists. But I would argue that in both cases, the result has been that the US has improved in both circumstances.
Now this does not condone force to overthrow a government. It is an illustration of the fact that Americans believe that the citizens own their own country, and should take care of things themselves. And for a long time, the US held that isolationist attitude. And what happened? People in other countries berated the US and its citizenry for not being more involved in the world, to rid it of evil, and to make it a better place. After all, we had a lot of power, but we did little to improve the rest of the world for over 100 years.
This is how I feel. That other countries want our money. They want our help when they get into real trouble. But they don't want to help us. And they certainly don't want our interference. But in some countries, an elite minority retain such a choke hold on its populace that there is no one speaking for the ordinary citizens. In places like Iraq, they were tortured and killed for it. This is a fact. The government of Iraq used nerve gas against its own citizens. And then they moved against their neighbors.
Study history people. Germany after WWI was not a threat. Sure there was this one guy, kind of crazy, became their dictator, but he wasn't bothering us was he? Or was he? Once Hitler rose to power, he moved against his neighbors. And he tortured and killed his own citizens, the Jews and those that aided them. It wasn't until he invaded France that the UK and other countries realized that something needed to be done about it. However, their delay nearly lost them the war. The German war machine had grown very powerful without intervention from other countries.
And what were we doing in the US all that time? Waiting. And selling supplies to the UK and other Allies. Sure we took some hits in our shipping lanes. The Germans knew we could be a threat, even if all we did was to supply the Allies. So they sniped at our ships. But then, while we were all smug in our "hands off the world" approach to international relations, the Japanese launched a sneak attack against the US at Pearl Harbor. And thus the sleeping giant was awakened.
So now in this 21st century, we have different threats, but the same old evils, and the same old tired excuses for not being involved. The terrorists are no less lethal than the German U-Boats of WWII and they are no less threatening than the soldiers on the field. The difference is they fight in cowardice, attacking non-militants, men, women, and children alike. They do this because they fight from a position of weakness. It is accepted by all that in a conventional battle, few could stand against the combined might of the US and the UK. So they deal in terror. And people want to wait some more.
Now is the time. Now is the time to NOT yield to the cowards. Now is the time to unite against them. Their tactic is to isolate and destroy. Stand together and no nation on the earth can defeat the US with the UK and their allies. And those that would sit on the sidelines, entire countries in fear of a few terrorists, like France, to remember your past, and remember your pride. Do not let the terrorists win. Stand up. Now is the time.
So what will I do? Well, I will not give in to the terrorist's methods. They want to isolate the US. They do this by perpetrating acts of cowardice against innocent people. Now I just called the citizens of the UK and the US innocents. The terrorists would have you believe that the citizenry of a country is not innocent of their leader's actions. Well that is not quite true. That only applies to countries they do not like. Their countries however their citizens are innocent and the US and the UK have no right to be involved there.
So which is it? Are the non-military, non-government citizens of a country responsible for their leader's actions? Interesting question isn't it. You want to say "yes", but if you do, then you justify the terrorists. You want to say "no" but then you justify the US and UK governments. What a predicament.
I posit that the citizenry are mostly not responsible. How so? I am a citizen of the US. But I have no direct influence on individual military situations. As a citizen of a democracy, or at least a republic, your influence as a voting citizen does not extend to the day to day operations of the government or the military. Yet you are responsible for electing the leaders of that country. And as was the case in the late 1700's, those citizens have the responsibility to stand up to bad leadership. It happened again the mid 1800's when the citizens of the southern US thought the northern US states were doing a bad job. In both of those cases, there was armed conflict. In one, the uprising won, and the US exists. In the other, the uprising was defeated, and a whole US still exists. But I would argue that in both cases, the result has been that the US has improved in both circumstances.
Now this does not condone force to overthrow a government. It is an illustration of the fact that Americans believe that the citizens own their own country, and should take care of things themselves. And for a long time, the US held that isolationist attitude. And what happened? People in other countries berated the US and its citizenry for not being more involved in the world, to rid it of evil, and to make it a better place. After all, we had a lot of power, but we did little to improve the rest of the world for over 100 years.
This is how I feel. That other countries want our money. They want our help when they get into real trouble. But they don't want to help us. And they certainly don't want our interference. But in some countries, an elite minority retain such a choke hold on its populace that there is no one speaking for the ordinary citizens. In places like Iraq, they were tortured and killed for it. This is a fact. The government of Iraq used nerve gas against its own citizens. And then they moved against their neighbors.
Study history people. Germany after WWI was not a threat. Sure there was this one guy, kind of crazy, became their dictator, but he wasn't bothering us was he? Or was he? Once Hitler rose to power, he moved against his neighbors. And he tortured and killed his own citizens, the Jews and those that aided them. It wasn't until he invaded France that the UK and other countries realized that something needed to be done about it. However, their delay nearly lost them the war. The German war machine had grown very powerful without intervention from other countries.
And what were we doing in the US all that time? Waiting. And selling supplies to the UK and other Allies. Sure we took some hits in our shipping lanes. The Germans knew we could be a threat, even if all we did was to supply the Allies. So they sniped at our ships. But then, while we were all smug in our "hands off the world" approach to international relations, the Japanese launched a sneak attack against the US at Pearl Harbor. And thus the sleeping giant was awakened.
So now in this 21st century, we have different threats, but the same old evils, and the same old tired excuses for not being involved. The terrorists are no less lethal than the German U-Boats of WWII and they are no less threatening than the soldiers on the field. The difference is they fight in cowardice, attacking non-militants, men, women, and children alike. They do this because they fight from a position of weakness. It is accepted by all that in a conventional battle, few could stand against the combined might of the US and the UK. So they deal in terror. And people want to wait some more.
Now is the time. Now is the time to NOT yield to the cowards. Now is the time to unite against them. Their tactic is to isolate and destroy. Stand together and no nation on the earth can defeat the US with the UK and their allies. And those that would sit on the sidelines, entire countries in fear of a few terrorists, like France, to remember your past, and remember your pride. Do not let the terrorists win. Stand up. Now is the time.
Sunday, July 03, 2005
He lived long and he prospered.
Live long and prosper. You do not have to be a Vulcan to use that phrase nor do you have to be one to live it. It is a simple phrase that underlies a deeper, more complex desire for one's personal goals, or one's best wishes for another's well being. Live long and prosper. May it be so for me.
As I write this, my grandfather passed away less than an hour ago. I just got the call about 15 minutes ago. As soon as I got off the phone, that was the phrase I thought of. My grandfather did just that. He lived long and he prospered. And though I am not fully equipped at the moment to write him a proper tribute or epitaph, I feel the need to write something. So here is a small tribute to one of the greatest men of the last century and who lived into this century, William Rumalo Brackenridge - or as I grew up calling him, Bill.
Bill was born 88 years ago on March 14, 1917. His grew up in Keiffer, West Virginia, a small town nestled in the rolling hills of Greenbriar County. Bill went to school in Rupert but according to the family he never went past the eighth grade. He chose to leave school and work. Bill has told me stories of only having a few biscuits to take to school for his lunch as a boy. He grew up in a very rural and very poor region during some of the hardest times of our country's history. But Bill did more than just survive, he thrived.
Perhaps it was that experience of such a hard childhood that enabled Bill to rise above the circumstances. Perhaps it was just hillbilly stubbornness. Or perhaps it was something more, something that comes from having your life steeped in the misty hills of West Virginia. I don't know. I prefer to believe that it was a matter of choice, determination, hard work and the providence of God, not merely birthright, genetics, or luck. Whatever it was, Bill was not content to merely survive for the rest of his life. He chose to do more than that.
Bill worked hard and was noticed at Carbon Fuel Company. He started in the warehouse and worked his way up. Way up. He retired from Carbon Fuel after becoming Superintendent of all surface mining operations across two states and superintendent of the company-owned railroad, the Winifrede Rail Road (WRR).
Bill may have never known how much I had always looked up to him, but I did. Bill was a hard man too. People who knew him knew this. But those who really knew him also knew he was a fair man. And if he is guilty of anything, it is he expected others to work as hard as he did, to respect others, and to take responsibility for your own actions. That was Bill. He represented a different age of America. He represented something that people now find offensive perhaps. He held you accountable for your actions. He called a spade a spade when that was the way it was. He held an American ideal that is fading, or already faded from our land.
But it has not faded with me. Bill is permanently ingrained into my head and my heart. He will forever be a part of who I am. And because of that, he also is a part of who my kids are. They knew Bill and I believe that I passed on my respect and love for him to them.
Bill had married my dad's mother on December 20, 1941. Yes, Bill is my dad's stepfather, not his biological father. And I know that those first years were hard, and there is no doubt that they surely clashed at times. But I know that Bill has always been there for my dad and likewise my dad has always been there for Bill. These two stubborn men have been united by that marriage and, as my father matured, they were united by much more than just that.
When my grandmother Clara died in September of 1994, I saw Bill's resolute determination continue. He was older, sadder, but he was still Bill. He was determined to continue on, and he even dared to thrive. I know that Bill loved Clara, of that there is no doubt. But Bill was not ready to spend the rest of his life alone. Bill married Brenda on November 18, 1998. He has spent his remaining years just being Bill.
So you may have never heard of Bill, or even William Rumalo Brackenridge, but I will always believe and assert that next to my father, Bill Brackenridge was one of the greatest men I have ever known. And though I doubt Bill ever even watched an episode of Star Trek or knew of the phrase, he embodied that well known utterance of Mr. Spock. He lived long and he prospered. May it be so with me.
As I write this, my grandfather passed away less than an hour ago. I just got the call about 15 minutes ago. As soon as I got off the phone, that was the phrase I thought of. My grandfather did just that. He lived long and he prospered. And though I am not fully equipped at the moment to write him a proper tribute or epitaph, I feel the need to write something. So here is a small tribute to one of the greatest men of the last century and who lived into this century, William Rumalo Brackenridge - or as I grew up calling him, Bill.
Bill was born 88 years ago on March 14, 1917. His grew up in Keiffer, West Virginia, a small town nestled in the rolling hills of Greenbriar County. Bill went to school in Rupert but according to the family he never went past the eighth grade. He chose to leave school and work. Bill has told me stories of only having a few biscuits to take to school for his lunch as a boy. He grew up in a very rural and very poor region during some of the hardest times of our country's history. But Bill did more than just survive, he thrived.
Perhaps it was that experience of such a hard childhood that enabled Bill to rise above the circumstances. Perhaps it was just hillbilly stubbornness. Or perhaps it was something more, something that comes from having your life steeped in the misty hills of West Virginia. I don't know. I prefer to believe that it was a matter of choice, determination, hard work and the providence of God, not merely birthright, genetics, or luck. Whatever it was, Bill was not content to merely survive for the rest of his life. He chose to do more than that.
Bill worked hard and was noticed at Carbon Fuel Company. He started in the warehouse and worked his way up. Way up. He retired from Carbon Fuel after becoming Superintendent of all surface mining operations across two states and superintendent of the company-owned railroad, the Winifrede Rail Road (WRR).
Bill may have never known how much I had always looked up to him, but I did. Bill was a hard man too. People who knew him knew this. But those who really knew him also knew he was a fair man. And if he is guilty of anything, it is he expected others to work as hard as he did, to respect others, and to take responsibility for your own actions. That was Bill. He represented a different age of America. He represented something that people now find offensive perhaps. He held you accountable for your actions. He called a spade a spade when that was the way it was. He held an American ideal that is fading, or already faded from our land.
But it has not faded with me. Bill is permanently ingrained into my head and my heart. He will forever be a part of who I am. And because of that, he also is a part of who my kids are. They knew Bill and I believe that I passed on my respect and love for him to them.
Bill had married my dad's mother on December 20, 1941. Yes, Bill is my dad's stepfather, not his biological father. And I know that those first years were hard, and there is no doubt that they surely clashed at times. But I know that Bill has always been there for my dad and likewise my dad has always been there for Bill. These two stubborn men have been united by that marriage and, as my father matured, they were united by much more than just that.
When my grandmother Clara died in September of 1994, I saw Bill's resolute determination continue. He was older, sadder, but he was still Bill. He was determined to continue on, and he even dared to thrive. I know that Bill loved Clara, of that there is no doubt. But Bill was not ready to spend the rest of his life alone. Bill married Brenda on November 18, 1998. He has spent his remaining years just being Bill.
So you may have never heard of Bill, or even William Rumalo Brackenridge, but I will always believe and assert that next to my father, Bill Brackenridge was one of the greatest men I have ever known. And though I doubt Bill ever even watched an episode of Star Trek or knew of the phrase, he embodied that well known utterance of Mr. Spock. He lived long and he prospered. May it be so with me.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Hey buddy, can you spare a 3.3 L V6 engine for a fellow American?
In an earlier posting I wrote of my damaged engine. Well, I am still looking for an engine. And so far the costs are quite steep. This comes back to my position on cars. I hate cars. I hate having to have a car. Now I like the ability to move around independently in cars. But I wish they were something different. Something that lasts or something that is so inexpensive that an average American could buy a new one each year without going into debt.
So from my perspective in the high tech industry, the automotive industry moves at sub-glacial speed and is so far behind the development curve it is laughable. Modern computers have been around about 50 years, and though not perfect, the cost curve has shown the benefit of advancements in technology. Average people can afford personal computers now. Cars have been in existence for over 100 years and have NOT been perfected yet. And instead of costs going down, the cost of a car is still going up!
Now I understand that there is a lot of metal in cars and that as metal costs go up, so do the total costs. But, what about all the assemblies and subsystems. Why is every different model of car replete with its own custom assemblies and subsystems. Have you people ever heard of economy of scale? Reuse?
I guess my only hope is that the coming electics will eliminate so much of the mechanical problems. And that is what I see as the biggest set of problems: mechanical systems.
Now I will grant that this is only my opinion and I am not an auto mechanic though I have pretended to be one at times in an effort to save money. And for the most part, I can get around most mechanical systems on a car relatively easy. Until I get to the engine. Let's face it, an internal combustion engine is simply too complex to ever be reliable.
Wake up America! We need a revolution in the automotive industry. We are being held captive by the mechanical elite. It is borderline cult religion.
Think about it. The auto makers are the established church of the Internal Combustion Engine. The International Church of ICE. All those auto dealers and salesmen constitute the priests and missionaries. And those mechanics are the deacons of the church.
So from my perspective in the high tech industry, the automotive industry moves at sub-glacial speed and is so far behind the development curve it is laughable. Modern computers have been around about 50 years, and though not perfect, the cost curve has shown the benefit of advancements in technology. Average people can afford personal computers now. Cars have been in existence for over 100 years and have NOT been perfected yet. And instead of costs going down, the cost of a car is still going up!
Now I understand that there is a lot of metal in cars and that as metal costs go up, so do the total costs. But, what about all the assemblies and subsystems. Why is every different model of car replete with its own custom assemblies and subsystems. Have you people ever heard of economy of scale? Reuse?
I guess my only hope is that the coming electics will eliminate so much of the mechanical problems. And that is what I see as the biggest set of problems: mechanical systems.
Now I will grant that this is only my opinion and I am not an auto mechanic though I have pretended to be one at times in an effort to save money. And for the most part, I can get around most mechanical systems on a car relatively easy. Until I get to the engine. Let's face it, an internal combustion engine is simply too complex to ever be reliable.
Wake up America! We need a revolution in the automotive industry. We are being held captive by the mechanical elite. It is borderline cult religion.
Think about it. The auto makers are the established church of the Internal Combustion Engine. The International Church of ICE. All those auto dealers and salesmen constitute the priests and missionaries. And those mechanics are the deacons of the church.
Welcome to the Church of ICE. Let our priests enlighten you to the joys of ICE. Embrace ICE and leave all reason and rational thought to those who would rather walk. Our deacons are always available to take care of your needs. ICE loves you. You need ICE. Come, be a part of ICE today. We do not require donations. We require all your money. You can't drive money to work can you now? So give it to us. Let us take you for a ride.
Monday, June 27, 2005
Learning To Breathe
For a long time I have belonged to the "married" category. At church I was a part of the "married couples". In social settings, I was the "husband of ..." or sometimes simply described as "the other half". I knew who I was as the other half. And it never really bothered me when they referenced my wife as "the better half". I have since come to understand that many people cannot handle being just half of the whole. Many people find a need to be their own person, and sadly, they do this apart from their "other half".
So here is where I become perplexed. Why does a woman or a man need to seek their own "personal identity" apart from their spouse. Assuming you marry for life, which was my assumption, you will never be single again unless you outlive your spouse. I know what many will think. That I am just being old-fashioned and that I obviously am some sort of fundamentalist or something. Well, perhaps you are right. But also consider the dangers if you are wrong.
If indeed I am old-fashioned, so what? Why is my idea of two people uniting to create one new identity, and then sharing in that identity the rest of their lives so wrong? Does it diminish the value of either? Does it reduce one in favor of the other? You don't know. You really can't generalize because it depends on the individuals who comprise the union. Yet if you presume there is one asserted over the other, you have a valid point. But if you presume that the two really become one, then are you just intolerant of my views or can you agree with them?
I believe in the sanctity of marriage. Marriage should be for life. Marriage should be kept pure. There should be no cheating, no abusing, and no over-lording of the one by the other. Marriage should be as God intended it, the perfect union of an imperfect man and an imperfect woman. I really don't care if you disagree. This space is for my opinion. You create your own space for your opinions.
However, I have now found myself in a new category. I now belong to the "divorced" category. It was not something I was seeking. In fact, I tried everything to avoid it. Yes, I am an imperfect man and she was an imperfect woman. But what really brought about the end was she sought her own identity, or rather her own life, apart from me. She abandoned the union for her own self interests. She sought divorce and thus ended the union.
It is difficult to not be bitter at times. It is truly difficult to even breathe sometimes. I do not mean that in the literal sense. My body is quite capable of respiration and extracting oxygen from the atmospheric gases. It is meant as a statement of the ability to just live each day. I have had to re-invent myself. I was married for 18 years. Being a single adult is actually quite a new experience. I was married when I was just 21. So I am learning to be "me" apart from "she".
At the same time, I have my two teenage kids at home full time. So I am still "dad" and she is still "mom". But it is difficult to be a single parent. Never underestimate that. It is very difficult. But I would not trade these difficulties for the easier path of not having my kids. I choose the harder path. I love my kids and I want them in my life to the fullest.
So as I write this, the song "Learning to Breathe", by Switchfoot, is going through my head. Though I may be somewhat misapplying it here, it is still fitting. I am learning to breathe. I am learning to be me, not me the husband, or me the married father. I am learning to be me the divorced dad of two teens. And I am also learning to be me, the single guy.
I will make mistakes there is no doubt. But along the way, I know I will do some things right. I am learning to breathe.
So in learning to be me the single guy, have I changed my mind about marriage and that a union means becoming one? Absolutely not. I believe that is the way it should be. Yet it is up to God as to my category. If God should choose that I remain single the rest of my life, then so be it. Only God really knows what is the "best" plan for my life. And I don't know it.
Yet, I also must say, that it is my prayer that God would bring me the right woman, the "better half", to complete a new union. In fact, I believe this may be the path that waits for me. I just do not know how long I must wait to find her. So until then, and until I have the other half to complete a union, I will continue to breathe each day.
So here is where I become perplexed. Why does a woman or a man need to seek their own "personal identity" apart from their spouse. Assuming you marry for life, which was my assumption, you will never be single again unless you outlive your spouse. I know what many will think. That I am just being old-fashioned and that I obviously am some sort of fundamentalist or something. Well, perhaps you are right. But also consider the dangers if you are wrong.
If indeed I am old-fashioned, so what? Why is my idea of two people uniting to create one new identity, and then sharing in that identity the rest of their lives so wrong? Does it diminish the value of either? Does it reduce one in favor of the other? You don't know. You really can't generalize because it depends on the individuals who comprise the union. Yet if you presume there is one asserted over the other, you have a valid point. But if you presume that the two really become one, then are you just intolerant of my views or can you agree with them?
I believe in the sanctity of marriage. Marriage should be for life. Marriage should be kept pure. There should be no cheating, no abusing, and no over-lording of the one by the other. Marriage should be as God intended it, the perfect union of an imperfect man and an imperfect woman. I really don't care if you disagree. This space is for my opinion. You create your own space for your opinions.
However, I have now found myself in a new category. I now belong to the "divorced" category. It was not something I was seeking. In fact, I tried everything to avoid it. Yes, I am an imperfect man and she was an imperfect woman. But what really brought about the end was she sought her own identity, or rather her own life, apart from me. She abandoned the union for her own self interests. She sought divorce and thus ended the union.
It is difficult to not be bitter at times. It is truly difficult to even breathe sometimes. I do not mean that in the literal sense. My body is quite capable of respiration and extracting oxygen from the atmospheric gases. It is meant as a statement of the ability to just live each day. I have had to re-invent myself. I was married for 18 years. Being a single adult is actually quite a new experience. I was married when I was just 21. So I am learning to be "me" apart from "she".
At the same time, I have my two teenage kids at home full time. So I am still "dad" and she is still "mom". But it is difficult to be a single parent. Never underestimate that. It is very difficult. But I would not trade these difficulties for the easier path of not having my kids. I choose the harder path. I love my kids and I want them in my life to the fullest.
So as I write this, the song "Learning to Breathe", by Switchfoot, is going through my head. Though I may be somewhat misapplying it here, it is still fitting. I am learning to breathe. I am learning to be me, not me the husband, or me the married father. I am learning to be me the divorced dad of two teens. And I am also learning to be me, the single guy.
I will make mistakes there is no doubt. But along the way, I know I will do some things right. I am learning to breathe.
So in learning to be me the single guy, have I changed my mind about marriage and that a union means becoming one? Absolutely not. I believe that is the way it should be. Yet it is up to God as to my category. If God should choose that I remain single the rest of my life, then so be it. Only God really knows what is the "best" plan for my life. And I don't know it.
Yet, I also must say, that it is my prayer that God would bring me the right woman, the "better half", to complete a new union. In fact, I believe this may be the path that waits for me. I just do not know how long I must wait to find her. So until then, and until I have the other half to complete a union, I will continue to breathe each day.
I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
Thursday, June 23, 2005
A Dark, Knight's Tale
Once upon a time, there was a young knight who lived in a small village and was in training for the king's service. He met a girl with stunning red hair and a captivating smile from a neighboring village. The young man was smitten by this red-haired beauty and after courting this maiden several years, he married her.
Soon after marriage, they moved from their small village as his services to the king took him to other parts of the kingdom. They were madly in love and after a couple years of marriage, they were blessed with baby boy.
The king called the young knight to the southern part of the kingdom. And the knight and his tiny family moved south. It wasn't long after their arrival in the southern part of the kingdom that they were blessed with a baby girl. Life was good. They were in love. And they had two healthy children.
But a sickness came upon the fair maid, and she was dying. This was no ordinary sickness. It was the result of a dark spell cast by the most evil of creatures. A foul demon of hell itself. The knight wept bitterly. Their families wept. There seemed to be nothing they could do.
As the months dragged on, both the knight and the maid fell into despair. All their dreams were shattered and their life together seemed to slip past them like sand through your fingers. All was dark in the land. The young knight felt old, sad, and weary.
In his weariness, the young knight was weak. He tasted forbidden fruit and he mourned. He mourned for himself and he mourned for the death of his bride that was sure to come. He mourned that he was not stronger. He mourned that he was not wiser and could stop this curse and this sickness.
One night, his dying bride went to church and there met her Lord. The Lord healed the maid of her ailment and ended her curse. She hurried home to tell her husband. He was asleep after looking after his two active children. When she woke him, she told him of the miracle healing. This made the young knight happy and he vowed to then and there be stronger for his wife.
Yet, the curse had a lingering affect. Neither the knight nor his bride were ever the same. The knight became jealous and untrusting. The wife became withdrawn and selfish. Their children were not immune and they as well suffered. And in their suffering, they added to the chaos.
Still, the knight was quite happy. He was happy to have his wife and his children, and he was happy to work in the king's service. But the wife was not happy. The curse had both robbed her of something and yet left something behind. It is not quite clear what it was. Dark curses are never specific, never fully known. And over time, she became bitter and more selfish.
The knight, though try as he might, could not mend his wife. He left the south region and took his family to the western region of the kingdom to work in the king's service. The knight thought this may help his aging bride to regain her youthful love and compassion. But the knight did not know it was too late.
For years the bride had been exchanging secret messages with other knights and even peasants and soldiers. She sought a relief from her lingering curse. She could not accept that her husband could help her. She could not accept that she was under the curse still. She decided to do something about it herself.
One day the knight had to travel back to the south region in service to the king. He was to be gone for months. Upon his return, his wife had forsaken him. She had been in the bed of another knight and no longer held any desire for her husband. She thought him weak. She thought him an impotent shadow of himself. She wanted him gone from her life.
Again, the knight mourned. But now he was much older, and somewhat wiser, and he bitterly mourned. He felt so much older, so much sadder, and more weary than ever in his life. And yet this time, he vowed that he would be strong. And he was. He did not succumb to temptation now. His courage was mustered, and his mind steeled against all attempts to move him from the straight path.
The knight bravely faced his wife, his children, and their past, and vowed to God to stand for what was right. And though he made some tactical errors along the way, he did as he vowed. His wife could not believe it. Her weak husband had not reacted as she thought. Where she expected weakness, there was strength. Where she expected defiance, there was remorse. And where she expected hatred, there was love.
In frustration and desperation, she fled. She left the knight and her children and ran away. She ran to a neighboring village and sought shelter in an inn. And from there she petitioned the king to be released from her vows to her husband.
Over the months, the knight ceased his mourning. He awoke one morning and saw that the darkness had lifted from the land. It had been over a decade since he had seen the sun shining so brightly on the world. His spirit was filled with vigor, strength, and resolve. He looked after his children, and he continued his service to the king. He saw each new dawn as another start. He felt younger. He felt stronger. And he felt more alive.
Finally, one morning, without fanfare, without regalia, the wife went to the king's court to obtain the release from the marriage to her husband. It was granted. Quietly and swiftly, as easily as a candle is snuffed out, so ended the marriage of the knight and his wife.
Do not mourn gentle reader. The knight lived on and with his children, built a new foundation for their tiny family. And by God's grace, they grew stronger and wiser. We know not what happened to the wife. Perhaps this story is not complete. Perhaps she has her own story yet to write.
A happy ending it does not appear to be. Yet a happy ending cannot so easily be determined by mortals. Rest yourselves dear reader. God is in control and all His endeavors are good. We must simply wait for them to be displayed. And we must be ready to wait, even unto the Last Day, in order that we may see it as He would have us know it.
Soon after marriage, they moved from their small village as his services to the king took him to other parts of the kingdom. They were madly in love and after a couple years of marriage, they were blessed with baby boy.
The king called the young knight to the southern part of the kingdom. And the knight and his tiny family moved south. It wasn't long after their arrival in the southern part of the kingdom that they were blessed with a baby girl. Life was good. They were in love. And they had two healthy children.
But a sickness came upon the fair maid, and she was dying. This was no ordinary sickness. It was the result of a dark spell cast by the most evil of creatures. A foul demon of hell itself. The knight wept bitterly. Their families wept. There seemed to be nothing they could do.
As the months dragged on, both the knight and the maid fell into despair. All their dreams were shattered and their life together seemed to slip past them like sand through your fingers. All was dark in the land. The young knight felt old, sad, and weary.
In his weariness, the young knight was weak. He tasted forbidden fruit and he mourned. He mourned for himself and he mourned for the death of his bride that was sure to come. He mourned that he was not stronger. He mourned that he was not wiser and could stop this curse and this sickness.
One night, his dying bride went to church and there met her Lord. The Lord healed the maid of her ailment and ended her curse. She hurried home to tell her husband. He was asleep after looking after his two active children. When she woke him, she told him of the miracle healing. This made the young knight happy and he vowed to then and there be stronger for his wife.
Yet, the curse had a lingering affect. Neither the knight nor his bride were ever the same. The knight became jealous and untrusting. The wife became withdrawn and selfish. Their children were not immune and they as well suffered. And in their suffering, they added to the chaos.
Still, the knight was quite happy. He was happy to have his wife and his children, and he was happy to work in the king's service. But the wife was not happy. The curse had both robbed her of something and yet left something behind. It is not quite clear what it was. Dark curses are never specific, never fully known. And over time, she became bitter and more selfish.
The knight, though try as he might, could not mend his wife. He left the south region and took his family to the western region of the kingdom to work in the king's service. The knight thought this may help his aging bride to regain her youthful love and compassion. But the knight did not know it was too late.
For years the bride had been exchanging secret messages with other knights and even peasants and soldiers. She sought a relief from her lingering curse. She could not accept that her husband could help her. She could not accept that she was under the curse still. She decided to do something about it herself.
One day the knight had to travel back to the south region in service to the king. He was to be gone for months. Upon his return, his wife had forsaken him. She had been in the bed of another knight and no longer held any desire for her husband. She thought him weak. She thought him an impotent shadow of himself. She wanted him gone from her life.
Again, the knight mourned. But now he was much older, and somewhat wiser, and he bitterly mourned. He felt so much older, so much sadder, and more weary than ever in his life. And yet this time, he vowed that he would be strong. And he was. He did not succumb to temptation now. His courage was mustered, and his mind steeled against all attempts to move him from the straight path.
The knight bravely faced his wife, his children, and their past, and vowed to God to stand for what was right. And though he made some tactical errors along the way, he did as he vowed. His wife could not believe it. Her weak husband had not reacted as she thought. Where she expected weakness, there was strength. Where she expected defiance, there was remorse. And where she expected hatred, there was love.
In frustration and desperation, she fled. She left the knight and her children and ran away. She ran to a neighboring village and sought shelter in an inn. And from there she petitioned the king to be released from her vows to her husband.
Over the months, the knight ceased his mourning. He awoke one morning and saw that the darkness had lifted from the land. It had been over a decade since he had seen the sun shining so brightly on the world. His spirit was filled with vigor, strength, and resolve. He looked after his children, and he continued his service to the king. He saw each new dawn as another start. He felt younger. He felt stronger. And he felt more alive.
Finally, one morning, without fanfare, without regalia, the wife went to the king's court to obtain the release from the marriage to her husband. It was granted. Quietly and swiftly, as easily as a candle is snuffed out, so ended the marriage of the knight and his wife.
Do not mourn gentle reader. The knight lived on and with his children, built a new foundation for their tiny family. And by God's grace, they grew stronger and wiser. We know not what happened to the wife. Perhaps this story is not complete. Perhaps she has her own story yet to write.
A happy ending it does not appear to be. Yet a happy ending cannot so easily be determined by mortals. Rest yourselves dear reader. God is in control and all His endeavors are good. We must simply wait for them to be displayed. And we must be ready to wait, even unto the Last Day, in order that we may see it as He would have us know it.
Monday, June 20, 2005
Teenage Estrogen...
I am a father. I have a teenage daughter. There are times I find myself doing things and being in places I never would have imagined that I would be. But as a father, with a daughter, I do those things a father must do. And at times I find myself at places that I would not have been of my own volition, except to support my teenage daughter as her father.
Why am I establishing such a baseline of thought in this post? Well, because I took my daughter and a couple of friends to the mall this past weekend. I spent the afternoon with 3 young teenage girls giggling and chattering in a foreign tongue. Well, it might as well have been foreign. I couldn't understand most of it.
But you know, thinking back on it, I now know they didn't really use words most of the time, or at least not real words. They would make noises and hand gestures and all three would burst into giggles. I started imagining it like a nature documentary:
Well, anyway the shopping excursion was at least entertaining from the standpoint of watching the girls just be girls and do girl things. I just kind of remained in the shadows, trying not to embarrass them and producing my wallet when called on.
But after the mall, I found myself at the movie theater. And what did we see? Batman Begins just opened. Did we see that? No. Star Wars is still playing. Did we see that? No. I saw the teenage girl movie of the summer: The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
Yes I watched it. And I have to admit, I actually liked it. Now there is plenty that as a man I found too laden with estrogen to really get. But as a father, I watched it from a different perspective. The perspective of teenage girls trying to overcome emotional pain and just trying to grow up in sometimes difficult circumstances. There are some positives to that movie. And there are some negatives. But since I am about seeing the positives more often lately, I will stick with those.
Fathers, take your daughters shopping. Take them to the movies. Be involved. Listen to them. And maybe they will never have to make a movie about their messed up teen years :-)
Why am I establishing such a baseline of thought in this post? Well, because I took my daughter and a couple of friends to the mall this past weekend. I spent the afternoon with 3 young teenage girls giggling and chattering in a foreign tongue. Well, it might as well have been foreign. I couldn't understand most of it.
But you know, thinking back on it, I now know they didn't really use words most of the time, or at least not real words. They would make noises and hand gestures and all three would burst into giggles. I started imagining it like a nature documentary:
Jim followed the pack of females in their natural habitat and studied their primitive communication abilities. There is no clear leader in the pack and at times will demonstrate random flocking behavior. Once they have eyed their prey, they all go on alert and their posture changes. Watching them, I feel somewhat sorry for the store clerks that they are about to pounce on. But we must remind ourselves that this is just the food chain out here in the wild malls of the American wasteland.
Well, anyway the shopping excursion was at least entertaining from the standpoint of watching the girls just be girls and do girl things. I just kind of remained in the shadows, trying not to embarrass them and producing my wallet when called on.
But after the mall, I found myself at the movie theater. And what did we see? Batman Begins just opened. Did we see that? No. Star Wars is still playing. Did we see that? No. I saw the teenage girl movie of the summer: The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
Yes I watched it. And I have to admit, I actually liked it. Now there is plenty that as a man I found too laden with estrogen to really get. But as a father, I watched it from a different perspective. The perspective of teenage girls trying to overcome emotional pain and just trying to grow up in sometimes difficult circumstances. There are some positives to that movie. And there are some negatives. But since I am about seeing the positives more often lately, I will stick with those.
Fathers, take your daughters shopping. Take them to the movies. Be involved. Listen to them. And maybe they will never have to make a movie about their messed up teen years :-)
Sunday, June 19, 2005
God Loaded My Fortune Cookie
Now honestly, I don't believe in fortune cookies. In fact, we like to play the silly games with fortune cookies. Like adding "that's what she said" after you read the fortune. When the kids aren't around, we add "in bed" to the end of the fortune. You know the deal, I am not telling you anything earth-shattering.
Anyway, several times lately, we have had several timely fortunes. It was laughable. For example, we were sitting at a Chinese restaurant - which by the way advertises "hunan style cuisine", but we like to refer to it as "human style cuisine" but that is beside the point - and we had just been trying to encourage my daughter to broaden her food selections. Yes she is a picky eater. Actually she is a real picky eater. In reality, she eats just 5 foods on the planet and that is about it. Okay, I am exaggerating. But still, we had just encouraged her to eat carrots. She said "I know, some day they will say that carrots cure cancer or something like that." About 2 minutes later, she opened her fortune cookie. And this is what it read:
That was hysterical. And in that same setting, I had been talking about someone who had been making disparaging remarks about me. We were discussing this when I read my fortune cookie:
I was stunned to say the least. So I still don't believe in fortune cookies. But I have always believed in the humor of God. He has an incredible sense of humor and indulges poor idiots like myself. Thanks God. Thanks for being there, and thanks for being real.
Anyway, several times lately, we have had several timely fortunes. It was laughable. For example, we were sitting at a Chinese restaurant - which by the way advertises "hunan style cuisine", but we like to refer to it as "human style cuisine" but that is beside the point - and we had just been trying to encourage my daughter to broaden her food selections. Yes she is a picky eater. Actually she is a real picky eater. In reality, she eats just 5 foods on the planet and that is about it. Okay, I am exaggerating. But still, we had just encouraged her to eat carrots. She said "I know, some day they will say that carrots cure cancer or something like that." About 2 minutes later, she opened her fortune cookie. And this is what it read:
A carrot a day will keep the cancer away.
That was hysterical. And in that same setting, I had been talking about someone who had been making disparaging remarks about me. We were discussing this when I read my fortune cookie:
Hard words may not break bones, but fine words butter no parsnips.
I thought about that one a bit. It seems more obvious now. But basically, it was very timely as well. And then now, ok it was just the other day, I had one that exactly answered a question. Let me set this up first. I have recently found myself single for the first time in 18 years. I have been talking to God a lot about this too - as you can imagine. I know that God is in charge of things and taking care of it. And yet occasionally, I get frustrated, or low, or something, or just plain lonely. At those times I ask God "what are you doing?" Well I was asking God about this the other day. I had bought the kids a box of fortune cookies - yes I know what you are thinking "surely you didn't", but I did - and I said "ok God, tell me something." And this was what I read, and I promise you it is the absolute truth:He who has faith, has everything.
I was stunned to say the least. So I still don't believe in fortune cookies. But I have always believed in the humor of God. He has an incredible sense of humor and indulges poor idiots like myself. Thanks God. Thanks for being there, and thanks for being real.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Thinking Beyond the Next Bite
Life. Life is good. Life is wonderful. Life can be hard as well. Very often I find myself trying to look into the future of life. I think beyond the here and now and look to the there and then. Qui-Gon would not be pleased.
But I believe all of us, or nearly all, or at least some... okay maybe it is just me, think of where the next step will take us and end up tripping over our own feet in the current step.
Here is an illustration by movie scene. Here's the scene. A man and a woman are sitting on a bench eating ice cream. They are outside on a street mall area with many street shops. It is early evening. There are quite a few people walking this way and that, shopping, laughing, talking, some walking hand in hand. The man shifts slightly to face the woman and he speaks:
This is just a brief illustration of how we (or at least I) often handle expectations. I find myself in the position of the guy in the scene. I don't want my expectations to run amok so that I end up getting hurt. So I try to constantly adjust my expectations to match the current situation. I am trying to control the future by predicting actions and outcomes. In moderation, this is good, this is normal. In excess, it leads to the suffering. Why do we do this? Because we are afraid. And as we all know...
So what happens when you find yourself doing this too much? What happens when you over-analyze everything and your analysis is not always correct? Well, you end up making mistakes. You end up in a self-fulfilling prophecy and you get hurt. I don't like that. I would have to think most people don't like that.
The illustration by movie scene continues. The man and woman have left the park bench and are walking down the street mall. They are walking slowly, still eating the ice cream. The man speaks:
Enough said.
"Don't center on your own anxieties, Obi-Wan, keep your concentration Here and Now, where it belongs." - Qui-Gon
But I believe all of us, or nearly all, or at least some... okay maybe it is just me, think of where the next step will take us and end up tripping over our own feet in the current step.
Here is an illustration by movie scene. Here's the scene. A man and a woman are sitting on a bench eating ice cream. They are outside on a street mall area with many street shops. It is early evening. There are quite a few people walking this way and that, shopping, laughing, talking, some walking hand in hand. The man shifts slightly to face the woman and he speaks:
guy: So what do you think?
girl: About what?
guy: About all this? About all I've said?
girl: I don't think anything about it. You ask too many questions. Why do you ask so many questions?
guy: Because I want to know what to expect. I want to know what you are thinking.
girl: I am just thinking about this bite. Why do you always need to think about the next bite? Just enjoy this bite for what it is.
guy: Good point.
[short pause]
guy: So what do you think about this bite?
girl: About what?
guy: About all this? About all I've said?
girl: I don't think anything about it. You ask too many questions. Why do you ask so many questions?
guy: Because I want to know what to expect. I want to know what you are thinking.
girl: I am just thinking about this bite. Why do you always need to think about the next bite? Just enjoy this bite for what it is.
guy: Good point.
[short pause]
guy: So what do you think about this bite?
This is just a brief illustration of how we (or at least I) often handle expectations. I find myself in the position of the guy in the scene. I don't want my expectations to run amok so that I end up getting hurt. So I try to constantly adjust my expectations to match the current situation. I am trying to control the future by predicting actions and outcomes. In moderation, this is good, this is normal. In excess, it leads to the suffering. Why do we do this? Because we are afraid. And as we all know...
"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering." - Yoda
So what happens when you find yourself doing this too much? What happens when you over-analyze everything and your analysis is not always correct? Well, you end up making mistakes. You end up in a self-fulfilling prophecy and you get hurt. I don't like that. I would have to think most people don't like that.
The illustration by movie scene continues. The man and woman have left the park bench and are walking down the street mall. They are walking slowly, still eating the ice cream. The man speaks:
guy: So then, I should just enjoy this bite, and not think of the next bite or the consequences. There is power in this.
girl: What are talking about? What power?
guy: The power of freedom. Live for today.
girl: That's not exactly what I meant.
guy: I know. I just wanted to exaggerate to make a point.
girl: What point?
guy: That if I don't think about the next bite to some extent, I could have bad consequences. I would then think differently about the bites that came before. I may regret them. I could end up wishing I never had them.
girl: Good point.
[short pause]
girl: I don't think I can finish my ice cream.
girl: What are talking about? What power?
guy: The power of freedom. Live for today.
girl: That's not exactly what I meant.
guy: I know. I just wanted to exaggerate to make a point.
girl: What point?
guy: That if I don't think about the next bite to some extent, I could have bad consequences. I would then think differently about the bites that came before. I may regret them. I could end up wishing I never had them.
girl: Good point.
[short pause]
girl: I don't think I can finish my ice cream.
Enough said.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Movie Madness
[slow quiet classical music intro, dark set with highlight on narrator]
Okay, I have to admit, I have been bitten by the bug of making my own movies.
[crescendo to suspense - closeup to narrator's eyes]
Recently I bought a cheap digital camera that also records video with audio up to the size of memory you have. While it is not the best quality, it allowed me to experiment and think about things. Then using the freebie movie maker software with windows, I was able to put a simple movie together.
[triumphant fanfare - camera pulls back to reveal gothic set]
Now this gets my mind to perking. Granted, it probably hiccups more than perks right now, but still, I have ideas... Yes, ideas...
[sound of maniacal laughter with werewolf howl in the distance]
[fade to outside setting with sunshine - happy tune plays softly]
So one of the things my little family will be doing this summer, is writing, directing, filming, and producing a short film. I think that with the creativity of my kids, they can really come up with something. And if we also pull in their friends into our little plan, our little scheme, our little revelry, this can be a lot of fun.
[happy tune fades to melancholy minor chords]
I don't think Spielberg has any worries though. I don't think we will be gunning for an Oscar, unless its Oscar the Grouch. And special effects will have to be not so special. But, we shall try all the same.
[music transitions to hero theme - camera closes in on narrator]
And in the end, we shall prevail, and we shall return, and we shall overcome, and we shall do other metaphors and idioms.
[slow fade to black - sounds of The Chicken Dance played at 1/2 speed played softly]
Okay, I have to admit, I have been bitten by the bug of making my own movies.
[crescendo to suspense - closeup to narrator's eyes]
Recently I bought a cheap digital camera that also records video with audio up to the size of memory you have. While it is not the best quality, it allowed me to experiment and think about things. Then using the freebie movie maker software with windows, I was able to put a simple movie together.
[triumphant fanfare - camera pulls back to reveal gothic set]
Now this gets my mind to perking. Granted, it probably hiccups more than perks right now, but still, I have ideas... Yes, ideas...
[sound of maniacal laughter with werewolf howl in the distance]
[fade to outside setting with sunshine - happy tune plays softly]
So one of the things my little family will be doing this summer, is writing, directing, filming, and producing a short film. I think that with the creativity of my kids, they can really come up with something. And if we also pull in their friends into our little plan, our little scheme, our little revelry, this can be a lot of fun.
[happy tune fades to melancholy minor chords]
I don't think Spielberg has any worries though. I don't think we will be gunning for an Oscar, unless its Oscar the Grouch. And special effects will have to be not so special. But, we shall try all the same.
[music transitions to hero theme - camera closes in on narrator]
And in the end, we shall prevail, and we shall return, and we shall overcome, and we shall do other metaphors and idioms.
[slow fade to black - sounds of The Chicken Dance played at 1/2 speed played softly]
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
The Arrival of Summer Ennui
Boredom. For those of you who don't know, ennui means boredom. And at the outset of summer who could possibly think boredom? I mean there are all these plans, there are so many things you have been waiting to do. Now that the kids are out of school and they have time and you have time, who could possibly be bored?. Well no one, actually. At least not yet.
The problem is, I know its coming. Right now, there are things for my kids to do and things for me to do. But as the summer grinds on, there are fewer and fewer things you want to do. This is simply how it has always been. What kid hasn't said "I'm bored" at least a dozen times in one summer? Not many.
Ah, but all is not lost. In fact, I took prepatory steps to mitigate the ennui of this season of heat and lethargy. Well actually, it wasn't really prepatory, it was more spontaneous. Okay, I really didn't think about it. I am a sucker and Blockbuster has my number!
You see, they have this $20/month plan to rent as many video games as you want as long as you only have one out at a time. You can even come back to the store and switch out games several times a day if you want. Knowing my kids like games, and I have been known to partake of mindless entertainment from time to time myself, I decided I would take this offer. I figure that at some point even that will get old. But for the duration it will keep them occupied during the times between vacations, movies, picnics, and youth group events. And maybe I can steal some time on one of the game consoles myself.
So knowing that in the past, I would tend to get quite bored during the summer, I decided that I was going to try and not allow that to happen this year. I will be finding things to do with the kids so that we can enjoy our time together as well as be not bored.
Wow. I am up to the teachability level of a monkey. I can be taught. It only took a long, long, time. Lesson learned. Now to finish out my plans and find more things to do this summer. This will be a much better summer.
The problem is, I know its coming. Right now, there are things for my kids to do and things for me to do. But as the summer grinds on, there are fewer and fewer things you want to do. This is simply how it has always been. What kid hasn't said "I'm bored" at least a dozen times in one summer? Not many.
Ah, but all is not lost. In fact, I took prepatory steps to mitigate the ennui of this season of heat and lethargy. Well actually, it wasn't really prepatory, it was more spontaneous. Okay, I really didn't think about it. I am a sucker and Blockbuster has my number!
You see, they have this $20/month plan to rent as many video games as you want as long as you only have one out at a time. You can even come back to the store and switch out games several times a day if you want. Knowing my kids like games, and I have been known to partake of mindless entertainment from time to time myself, I decided I would take this offer. I figure that at some point even that will get old. But for the duration it will keep them occupied during the times between vacations, movies, picnics, and youth group events. And maybe I can steal some time on one of the game consoles myself.
So knowing that in the past, I would tend to get quite bored during the summer, I decided that I was going to try and not allow that to happen this year. I will be finding things to do with the kids so that we can enjoy our time together as well as be not bored.
Wow. I am up to the teachability level of a monkey. I can be taught. It only took a long, long, time. Lesson learned. Now to finish out my plans and find more things to do this summer. This will be a much better summer.
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