sixdrift a.k.a. neuronstatic

7 Popular PC Games I Can't Play On Linux

2011-07-20T14:12:00.001-04:00

As I have written about before, I am a Linux user, not a Windows user. I do not use Microsoft Windows nor do I miss it. However, as I pondered what it was that others were doing on Windows that I could not do, a few popular games came to mind. Granted, these are popular from the perspective that people play them weekly or sometimes daily on MS Windows, and they must really like them because they keep playing them.

No, I am not talking about the mammoth titles like Halo or Call of Duty or something like that. These are more fundamental games that all Windows users play. No, it's not Solitaire either, we have a dozen or more of those on Linux. Here is the list of games I have found so far that are unique to Windows and I don't get to play on Linux:

1) Whack-A-Virus

This seems to be the most popular game. People spend hundreds of dollars on this game software they get form Symantic, McAfee and others. There are also freeware versions of the software to play this game as well. The basic premise of the game is that your computer is infected with a host of malware and you must eliminate all the little nasties. So you have to run, re-run, and re-run the "game" software again and again until you whacked all the virus baddies. In the end, it seems that most people end up giving up because they can't get past the boss bugs and they simply reinstall their beloved Windows operating system.

2) Lockup 2011!

This is a very popular game it seems. The premise of the game is at random and unpredictable times, your computer completely freezes and you are then in Lockup! The goal is to get out of lockup as quickly as possible to get that work done or email sent or document printed before it is a real problem. You can still see everything on the screen, usually, but you cannot click on anything or do anything. You are to try multiple combinations of key presses to try to get the screen to change. Most people just reboot, which I consider cheating.

3) Blue Screens of Death!

This has long been a commonly played game on Windows that started in the dark ages of the operating system's life. The premise of the game is that you are someone using a computer and at completely random times your display goes completely blue, everything stops, and it prints some strange runes on the screen. These runes come from an alien race that wants to enslave you. Your task, if you choose to accept it, is to try to copy down those runes, interpret them, and find out what they mean. Only then can you avoid enslavement. Again, most people just cheat and reboot.

4) Fork It Over

This game is not played by everyone because it is expensive to play. Basically you are trying to do something on your computer and you find that you can't get it done because you are blocked by the Ogres of Dire Need. The Ogres need a special app, or a new version of an app, or a license for a feature of an app. So to get past them, you must go purchase said app/update/license and thus "fork it over" in cash to the Internet vendors. Only then can you appease the Ogres of Dire Need and get work done.

5) Blame!

This game is kind of tricky and is a kind of MMO. In the game, you are a computer user and randomly something will crash, either part of the operating system or an application. Once that happens, you then start the blame game. I say tricky because you have to establish contact with the Mystics of Windows or the mages that created the application and go through the problem with each and listen to the stories of "it's not our fault, it's theirs" to establish who think the blame belongs to. In the end you will always be wrong, because the secret of the game is the NPCs consider the fault is due to the user. With this game, you can even PUG by finding others with similar crashes. There is a cheat code, it's called "reinstall".

6) Wheels of Time

This game is a very slow one. Kind of like playing chess by snail mail. The premise of the game is the system will get slower and slower over time. Your task is to put up with as much slowness as possible before you can't take it any further. It's an odd game, because the goal is to wait it out as long as possible, but the consequences get worse the longer you wait. Kind of a catch-22 situation. The reward for waiting long enough is you get to buy a new computer and avoid all the slowness. If you can't wait long enough, you are punished by having to get your computer tuned up by either doing it yourself or paying someone to do it. For some reason, most people end up being really patient and "win".

7) Needle, Haystack, Ghost

This game is really engaging I am told. The idea is you have a valuable item, call it a file, and you save it on your computer. Then a ghost in your computer moves the item, placing a trail of breadcrumbs in many folders. If you get too close to finding it, the ghost may move it again. Ultimately it may even be hidden in the Trash Can. You usually realize this after emptying it, so it's not perfect.

So there you have it 7 "popular" PC games that are pretty much only played on Windows. There have been reports of minor variants of these games on Macs and Linux, but to be honest, the only one I find close is "Needle, Haystack, Ghost." Come to think of it, that game could be played on about any computer. It just seems to be real popular on Windows where not all applications store things in expected places.

I really don't miss playing those games. I am very glad those days are over. Now it's time to get back to work, which by the way really hasn't stopped. My Linux computer has been churning away building code, sorting files, and doing about 30 things at once all day. You can get a lot more done when you don't have those 7 games to play.

Living Linux In A Windows World

2011-06-28T14:14:00.006-04:00

Yes, I am living Linux in a Windows world. If you don’t have any idea what this means, well, you are not geeky enough. If you are curious, then read on. If not, stop. It is as simple as that.

I do not use the Microsoft Windows operating system for anything other than playing games. My primary operating system for my computers is the Linux operating system. This is an operating system based on the design of Unix (which predates MS Windows quite a bit) and is available for free. It runs on almost anything with a CPU - not a joke, you can google “Linux on camera” or “Linux on a phone” or just about anything else - and has been ported to nearly every computing platform on the planet.

I use Linux because first and foremost, it frees the user to do whatever they want (regardless of how stupid it may be). Secondly, the architecture and design of the operating system is technically better in my opinion than that of MS Windows. This is not fan-boy blather, it is based on my 24+ years of software development experience using systems that pre-date even MS-DOS and an inside understanding how it all fits together within the operating system kernel and framework.

And finally, I use Linux because nearly all the software you could ever need for it is free. Yes, free. As in “no cost”. Seriously. Oh there are commercial applications and I have bought some from time to time, but generally I can get everything done with free software.

If I am going to be on a computer, I prefer to be using Linux. At those times when I am on a Windows machine, I just treat it like a toaster: it does its one thing and don’t ask it to do a bunch of other things at the same time. It often feels like I am in a straight jacket when I am on a Windows box. I encounter something odd and think “I could just pop into a command shell and …”, but alas, if you do that in Windows there is not a whole lot you can do at the command line. Well, recently MS has included a better shell, but still the venerable old command shell from the days of MS-DOS still seems to be the default. I don't get that feeling with Linux. I don't feel hemmed in at all.

However, in terms of personal computers, most people, at least here in the United States, typically think of some version of Microsoft Windows as the only operating system choices out there. Many people have heard of a Mac, but even among that set, they are only vaguely aware that the operating system is entirely fundamentally different in its inner workings. And even fewer have heard of Linux or have any clue what it is. I was once asked if Linux was some kind of prescription medication. This comes from years of PC vendors making deals (or being forced with deals) with Microsoft. And this is why it is difficult to find PCs that ship with something other than MS Windows.

What? You disagree with my “most people” and “many people” generalizations? Well, online polls and studies say that generalization is correct. Most people using a PC are not, to put it bluntly, all that technically savvy. They know enough to get online, check email, browse the web, share pictures of cats with bad grammar, post their “eating pancakes” morning status, and forward spam/scams to everyone on their contact list.

I admit that may be a bit harsh, still I think it seems correct. It appears that not only do most users start out technically inferior, but the industry actually encourages it by hiding more and more of the details of the computer beneath a glossy user interface. And that I believe is part of the problem and part of a solution all at the same time. But I am getting ahead of myself. Hold that thought. First something to consider.

Less than 10% of computer users can define what a “browser” is. Watch the following and weep:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4MwTvtyrUQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEt0N3xu0Do&feature=related

Now for statistics fun. Hey, you are still reading this, you’re a geek, you should think statistics ARE fun, right? The world-wide statistics for operating system market share show that Microsoft Windows accounts for about 86% of all personal computers out there. I think if you look at just the US market that number may actually be closer to 90% but the rest of the world is not so MS-centric.

According to Wikipedia, at the time of this writing, the median estimates for OS usage are:

Windows 86.37%

Mac OS 7.4%

Apple iOS 2.8%

Linux 1.1%

Android 0.97%

Everything else 1.36%

Interestingly if you look at mobile devices, the median estimates for OS usage are:

Android 33%

Symbian OS 31%

Apple iOS 16%

Blackberry RIM 14%

Other 6%

I think it is more interesting if you look at supercomputers, the median estimates for OS usage are:

Linux 91.8%

IBM AIX 3.4%

Unstated 3.2%

MS HPCS 1.0%

Other 0.6%

The numbers are harder to pin down in the server and mainframe markets but generally when you use installation counts and not revenue, Linux dominates the server market and has a good chunk of the mainframe market which is essentially owned by IBM’s System Z operating system.

Ok, so what does all this mean and what does it have to do with “Living Linux in a Windows World”? I am glad you asked.

What it means is that I am in a very clear minority. Because I am not using Windows, I generally cannot run Windows applications. I say generally because there are ways to run Windows applications unmodified in the Linux operating system, but not all of them really work. But I have found that there are very, very few Windows applications I really want to run. Usually just games, but there are a couple things I miss. And yet, I alternatives in the Linux world that are as good, better, or close enough (depending on the tool) that are available freely from the “software center” (something like the fore-runner of an “app store”).

It also means that the world of viruses, trojans, and malware is to me “something that happens to Windows users”. In 12+ years of running Linux, I have never had any virus or malware attack. I still have to take care about information leaking out of web sessions and web sites, but that is more of a user behavioral factor than a technology factor. There is anti-virus software available for Linux, and it is mostly there to scan files from Windows systems. There are many IT people who keep a Linux box on hand to scour and clean infected disks and files.

So I sit here writing this on my Linux laptop using Google docs as my editor on the web while I have a zillion other things going on at once across multiple virtual desktops. I am not confined to a single desktop. I am not confined to just doing things the way it was designed. Linux allows combining apps and tools in many unique ways, allowing for really creative and quick solutions to problems.

Yes, I am in the minority. But as I think about it, I have been all my life. I could just abandon all hope and join the Windows herd and graze among what is offered. But I have never been like that in my life and I am too old to start now. I don’t mind being in the minority. Especially when the minority is essentially the top 1% of techies and geeks.

Yes, I am in the minority, but I sit with my geek brethren at the top 1% of users.

So in practical terms. how do I go about living Linux in this Windows world? How do I get along without MS Office, Outlook, Internet Explorer, and oh let’s not forget the favorite software title to toss into the mix, the one Windows users think is the “killer app”: Adobe Photoshop.

So here is how I live Linux in a Windows world, at least according to the software applications I use. I will only touch on the main apps at this point.

Office Suite - LibreOffice (formerly OpenOffice)

You do realize that even on Windows there are several alternatives to Microsoft Office don’t you? LibreOffice is just one of them. It is mostly compatible with all MS Office files, though it still has some issues with .docx files. But nearly everything else is spot on.

Email Client - Thunderbird

I know a lot of people really love MS Outlook, and hey, it has some excellent features. But there are alternatives, even alternatives that will connect to MS Exchange servers for email. Thunderbird is from Mozilla, the guys that brought you Firefox. Thunderbird is an excellent piece of software in its own right and when coupled with the calendar plugin available for it, is an excellent replacement for Outlook.

Web Browser - Chrome or Firefox

Sorry, but Internet Explorer really just sucks. Well at least up until version 9, it did. It seems to have improved quite a bit. But still, the fact that Microsoft does not correctly implement the web standards just makes it mediocre. I use Google’s Chrome browser mostly. Often I will use Firefox just for some sites. But both are in my opinion tied for the best browser on the whole planet.

Photo/Graphics Editing - The GIMP

I have said it before and I say it again, not everyone needs Adobe Photoshop. That is a professional grade tool that most people get lost in. It is like buying a battleship to go fishing in a pond for most users. The GIMP is an excellent alternative to Photoshop. I allow that professionals will have different opinions, and that is ok. Just remember though that I am a computing professional, so a lot of my opinion is backed up by technical understanding. The GIMP also can be daunting for most average users. It does a lot, but it also may be overkill for most users. Still, I prefer it and have used it for years.

Instant Messaging - Pidgin

My use of instant messaging has dropped off considerably in recent years. But when I want to get onto the IM systems, I use Pidgin. It allows you to connect to multiple systems at once - AIM, Yahoo, MSN, ICQ, IRC, and many others.

Media Player - Banshee

I know iTunes is really good. I know a lot of people really like iTunes. But I cannot run iTunes on Linux. Nor do I want to. I don’t have an iPod, I have an MP3 player (actually my Android phone). Also, I think Windows Media Player is really awful and it also is not available in Linux. So I have been using Banshee and find it an excellent alternative to iTunes and many other media players. It is simple yet has enough features to make it very useful.

There you have it, a basic set of alternatives to the most common Windows apps used by users. Besides running on Linux, what other characteristics do those apps have in common? Care to guess?

Well, yes they are all free. But something else that most Windows users don’t think about is that LibreOffice, Thunderbird, Chrome, Firefox, The GIMP, Pidgin, and Banshee are all multi-platform.

“Multi-platform? What does that mean?” I can hear the questions already forming.

What it means is all those application run on multiple operating systems, even MS Windows. So anyone could run those apps on nearly any personal computer around.

Well not only does “living Linux in a Windows world” mean that I am in an elite minority, it means that I am universal. My application set is supported on all current PC operating systems.

So in summary (yes I know you are glad to read that bit), living Linux in a Windows world means that I am not bound by the controls the software designers try to impose to protect their systems. They create walled gardens because if you were free to wander around in their systems, you would most likely break something, and then you would complain, and call tech support. So they protect themselves by restrictions. I don’t like that.

I am free: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nR7bBEBIC9g

Have a great computing experience, use Linux.

English Translations of Managerial-speak:

2011-03-24T18:20:00.000-04:00

technology uniformity - The inability of an IT staff to handle any technology that they were not trained on 10 years ago.

multi-platform - The feature works on one platform multiple times.

feature specification - A document produced by the unknowing about something they heard about and completely devoid of requirements.

feature velocity - The inability to take the time to do things correctly because of the perceived need to do it faster than it should be done.

test readiness review - The inability to understand that the code is not complete and there is no need to try to test it yet.

feature complete - The inability to stop the shipping of a feature that has numerous bugs.

diverse team with individual assignments - A loose collection of individuals working by themselves reporting to a single manager.

bonus plan - The ability of a company to find ways to not give you pay raises, or any incremental income because the bonus requirements are set by management so as not to be achievable.

stock options - Pieces of paper with words on them, worth about 0.95 cents per sheet.

custom bug tracking system - The inability to use bug tracking software and instead using a contact management solution the marketing group likes and forcing it to store semi-related bug descriptions with numerous custom and expensive modifications instead of using something designed for that purpose.

layered design - A concept put on paper but violated so often in implementation that the source code has filed a restraining order against the coders.

Why I Went All "Minty"

2011-02-16T10:53:00.000-05:00

An interesting story.

On Friday I shutdown my laptop cleanly, packed it up, and put it in the car. I drove home and left it in the trunk all weekend. I came into work on Monday and brought my laptop bag in. I unpacked my laptop, docked it, and fired it up.

No display.

It booted, I heard the music, it should have been at the login display, but there was nothing but a blank screen and the monitor gave me that all knowing "there is no cable" kind of thing and went to sleep.

I could not even get a ctl-alt-f1 terminal. I tried booting up in and out of dock, normal mode, single user mode, recovery mode. I even tried it standing on one foot with a flag in my hand. But all I ever got was a whole lot of blankness.

So once I booted into single mode and was at a terminal, I started my investigations.

In the interest of brevity, I will speed this story up.

I messed around with the laptop for hours on Monday, no display. I had been running Ubuntu 10.04 so I did an upgrade to 10.10 hoping that would restore some order. During that time I ended up using my personal laptop (also running Ubuntu 10.10) to SSH onto the build servers to keep working. Tuesday morning, I managed to get the laptop working in the wrong display mode using the VESA display driver after much futzing around. I used that opportunity to back up everything in preparation for a reload.

Now before I reloaded, I was going through the Xorg.0.log files to see what was going on. Since I really didn't understand the process, some things did not make sense at first, but after 2 days of it, they started to.

So this is my guess as to what happened...

Last week I took some updates from Ubuntu. I thought I rebooted, but maybe I had not. Anyway, the Xorg.0.log was showing 2 video drivers vying for resources, the nv driver and the nouveau driver. I had been using the nv driver and I don't recall loading the nouveau driver and I think this may have somehow come in with the update I took. If not, I am at a loss as to how it got there.

So once the nouveau driver got installed, it would grab something the nv driver needed but nouveau had no clue what to do. And since nv couldn't grab the resources, it simply quit. Hence, I had no working display driver. At least this was my understanding from the log files.

It was at this point I knew I really needed to reload everything as I did not want to sort out this mess.

So I took my CD with 64-bit Mint 10 and installed it. I booted up and read "32-bit" once I logged in. Aw crap! So I go back and download the actual 64-bit Mint 10 DVD this time, and installed the real 64-bit Mint.

I decided since the day was blown anyway I might as well try and get the Nvidia driver working to get 3D acceleration.

Everything went exceedingly smooth except no display. For an hour and a half I wrangled with Nvidia and Googled like mad. Then I had an epiphany as I sat staring at my sleeping external monitor. I popped the lid of the docked laptop and saw the login display patiently waiting.

Palm to the face!

I think that it had been there since the first load of the Nvidia driver.

Ok, stop right there. I know what you are thinking: "well maybe that was the original problem, it just quit displaying on the external monitor".

Ah, you may think that, but I tried getting the stupid thing working in and out of dock so I had removed the external monitor from the equation and was operating on the LCD panel of the laptop itself. So there.

The laptop dock I have is one of those combination dock/external monitor stand contraptions. So opening the laptop lid is not an option, I could only crack it open an inch or two. I had to get on the floor and try to look at the LCD screen and get to the point of "detect displays" on the Nvidia settings app. No small feat actually considering the poor visibility at that angle of viewing.

So after a couple of tweaks, I now have Linux Mint all shiny and smooth in 3D on my external monitor and laptop's LCD screen. I have to get my environment back to the way I like it, but I have the important things, like email and such, completely restored to what was working before.

I have not completely given up on Ubuntu, in fact, Mint is based on Ubuntu. But for my main workstation, I can't afford the lost time in Canonical's creative side tinkering around with the user interface, or display drivers.

All in all, it was no fun having to spend so much time doing something I shouldn't have needed to do. But on the other hand given Canonical's direction with Ubuntu, it was on my path anyway to eventually reload the laptop with a different distro.

Doing Nothing

2011-02-10T12:09:00.000-05:00

Have you ever sat in a forest and just listened? Not just walked through a forest, but really listened? I raise the question because I could picture it in my mind the other day. I was able to transport myself through memories back to another time when I sat quietly in a forest and was able to allow it to soak in. It may seem odd, writing about that in the brutal cold of a winter when trees are bare and snow drifts cover the ground. But maybe that is the best time to think of it.

It seems that a lot of people cannot allow themselves to sit and listen, they have to be "doing something". They have a need to be busy and moving. Such people perceive lack of motion as a lack of character. But I contend that taking the time to relax, let go of the world, and enjoy a little bit of the wondrous creation around us is not only "doing something", but doing something profound and beneficial.

So often we are swept up in the world of humans, with its expanses of concrete and machinations of steel and glass, that we can no longer appreciate the quiet moments in life. We are drowning in the cacophony of human noise and we have no clue how loud it really is.

There are times when I would give nearly anything to catapult myself out of this chaos and into the middle of the woods, far beyond the sound of man-made existence, and simply rest, taking it all in. The sights, sounds, and feel of the forest fills you and naturally pushes out the more stressful things of life. It is very much "doing something" by moving very little.

It is easy for me to imagine being there, in the middle of some woods, as I spent many days of my youth hunting through the hills and hollows. I would be out in the woods for hours hunting squirrels or deer. As I get older, and presumably more responsible, I find it difficult to get both the time and the motivation to go hunting as I did once before. Come to think of it, part of the reason for not wanting to go may be "fences".

You see, in my younger years, I could trek through the woods for hours and never see a fence, a road, or any sign of human existence. Growing up in the Appalachian Mountains, it was not hard to find such a place. But now, with many years and many miles between me and that time of yesteryear, those opportunities are much rarer. People and companies ward off their land, erecting fences and gates, presumably for our "protection", but mostly just "because its their land".

I suppose it is their right, as the property owners. Still, I remember vividly those days in my youth when I could spend an entire day out in the woods far beyond the range of any fences or gates. I was free to roam where I may. Those days are gone I suppose and we all have to make do with smaller worlds.

Yet even with only a few acres of trees, you can still transport yourself into nature's realm. It's easy for me to picture but quite hard to describe actually. Words that come to mind are "fresh", "clear", and "hopeful". I don't know why those words come to mind, but they do. Well, at least in late Spring and early Summer these are fitting words. Other seasons have different feelings, and different words. But for now, I will just consider "summer".

When most people venture into the woods they create so much noise, all they hear are themselves clumsily tromping through leaves and brush. And that is not really a problem, but you have to stop and settle in order to hear most sounds of the forest. So after the din of moving, that is when you need to sit back against a tree - don't worry about the bugs, most of them will not bother you - and start to let go.

So you sit there, amid the shade of countless trees, with your back up against rough bark and leave the world of concrete and steel behind.

At first, you hear very little. Your ears have been desensitized to the quieter sounds. The world of man is much louder than the forest. Your ears soon attune to the new sounds around them. The wind blows the leaves of the trees above you creating a hiss much like the sound of a receding wave at the beach. Small birds and animals flit and dart about looking for something to eat creating small fits of sound in all directions. Your brain is now adjusting to this new sound level. You have taken the first step into a different world.

As you relax and your breathing slows, you become more aware of the forest around you. You hear it. You smell it. You feel it.

In the hidden depths of the forest, birds chirp and call out to each other. A wood pecker hammers out its presence. Somewhere overhead a hawk rings out its poetic cry. With each wave of the tree tops, you become further removed from focusing on yourself, and more aware of life all around you. Abundant life, with creatures in their daily effort to eat and thrive, is evident everywhere.

Eventually, after your brain has adjusted to the sound level, you hear more of the details, more of the small bits of life. You hear the scratches of a squirrel's claws as it clamors up a tree, the sound of a bug nibbling on some leaves. You may even hear the sound of a deer bounding away somewhere out of sight.

You feel breezes blowing over your arms and face and through your hair. As the trees open holes to the sky, drops of sunlight fall in around you. Where the beams of sun touch you, you feel the sun's warmth. With a blue sky peeking around the trees, and the sunlight raining down, perspectives change.

That vision, or description, or whatever you desire to call it, may sound quaint, or simply trite to some. It may even sound a bit naive. But I don't think so. I have been there many times. I have sat in forests and done "nothing" numerous times, simply to be there. And countless times I have gone back there, most often in my mind, simply so that I may reset, or reboot, myself.

Time to get back to work I guess. Signed on to a computer, in an office, a million miles yet only a thought away from the serenity of a mountain woodland.

When Did You Last Scan Through AM Radio?

2011-02-03T18:26:00.000-05:00

The other day I was driving back from visiting my eldest daughter at college and I grew tired of scanning through the FM bands hearing nothing but loud mouthed "radio personalities", the same old formulaic "popular" music, and commercials for everything from buying gold to planning for your next divorce (not making that up). So after turning off the radio a few times, I thought I would give the AM band a whirl for old time's sake.

There was something comforting in that AM hiss and the sound of radio crackle. I think it was because it triggered memories from childhood, days when cares were lighter and responsibilities fewer.

So as I scanned through the AM stations, I was taken back in my mind to a particular spot on a particular day. I was sitting in a pickup truck waiting for my father to come back to it and listening to the radio.

I remember most vividly riding around with my father in a Ford pickup truck. He would often have the radio on and the window down smoking a cigarette. I didn't like the fact that he smoked, but he did. So whenever I smell Kool Milds being smoked, I think of my father. That was his brand and I can still recognize it.

Speaking of smells, there was something about those Fords that was distinctive. You could be put into a Ford pickup blindfolded and you would know it was a Ford by its unique smell. I don't know where it came from, but go smell the inside of one sometime. Pick an older model, from the 70s or 80s and you will see... I mean smell... what I mean.

"I'll just be a minute." That was what my father said as he left the pickup truck and headed off toward a small yellow bricked building the coal company used as a personnel office. I sat there only a minute until I turned the key to get the radio to come on.

The rain spattered lightly on the windshield and the dull gray of a late Spring sky spitting rain muted all colors. Country music was coming out of the speakers and I was going to have none of that. I had a preset on that old radio to a "popular" station and I switched it immediately. Some less-than-memorable rock song trailed off to nothing and the DJ called out the weather. Apparently it was not raining where he was.

The news came on, playing a lead-in musical sequence on some kind of vibrating antique electronic keyboard. A man read the news, flatly, and just the news. There was no hype or droning of political opinion. Nor was there any salvo of vitriol launched at politicians good or bad. It was just the news being read, devoid of inflammatory adjectives.

I sat and played with the wing windows in the truck listening to the news. When the rain let up, I rolled down the window to get some fresh air. I looked out at the trees bursting with dark greens just before summer. Soon it would be getting hot, but not today, it was almost a bit chilly. A few vehicles passed by as the news ended and the DJ came back on.

I wasn't interested in the news. I wasn't interested in the music. I pressed dad's preset button and country music twanged forth from the radio once again.

I turned off the radio and waited, looking over toward "the grill" and wishing I had some money to go get a grape Nehi. As I sat there and pondered my complete dehydration, my dad emerged from the small personnel office and was headed back to the truck.

He always wore a sort of work uniform, even though he worked in an office. That day he had on a khaki shirt and pants, a usual ensemble for him. At a little over six feet tall, dad was an imposing figure to me and to many people around where we lived. He strode over to the truck. He always walked so confident when I was a kid. How I wished I could be as tall as him. I still wish it, but that is not going to happen now.

Climbing into the truck, we set off for the "supply house", a warehouse a couple miles away. I would be spending a few hours there that day. I don't know why I was going there. I don't know why that particular day I was in the truck heading to the warehouse. But I was.

My father is gone now. But not forgotten. I tell my kids stories of his sometimes outlandish adventures and life with my dad. I see him in so many memories and I even hear him laugh in the crackle of AM radio static.

This post is not really about scanning through AM radio. This post is about remembering those you love and finding them in the oddest places. Even at 1400 AM on your radio dial.

So go ahead. If you are old enough to remember the AM radio days, turn off that FM and switch it over to AM for a while. See who you find in the static.

The Short List - Political Criticism

2011-02-03T17:34:00.000-05:00

Why is it perfectly acceptable to vilify George W. Bush for his presidency, and that is considered socially acceptable, but attempt to vilify Barack Obama and you face extreme criticism and are often cast as a bigot or a racist.

I don't understand this. Especially when I consider the things that those who hate Bush have touted that he "ruined", "adversely affected", or as some have said "compromised". Here is a short list of such things as compiled from a liberal democrat's site that goes on and on about George W. Bush. Apparently that author holds that George W. Bush is a villain in the following areas:

The truth
America as we knew it
The Constitution of the United States of America
The presidency
The moral high ground
The presidential oath of office
An independent press
Accountability in government

Now these are just some of the reasons given on that site. Most of the rest were lists of names, I don't know who most of the people are. I presume Republicans of some infamy in their eyes. But what about this short list in light of the first 1.75 years of Barack Obama?

The Truth

Obama promised, repeatedly promised, to have an open administration and government. In his own words "encourages accountability through transparency," and said: "My administration is committed to creating an unprecedented level of openness in government."

But what happened when his own efforts were in jeopardy of passing? Closed doors, secret meetings, outright bribery, and in some cases coercion in the passing of "health care reform". Oh but some protest, "that was not the president's doing" they would say. Oh really? When did the president tell them to open the meetings, allow Republicans to be present and contribute, and someone tell me when he told them to create the bill with enough time for people to actually read it before voting on it? He did not do those things because it suited him not to.

He cannot hide behind the Congress and say "they did it". The buck stops at the white house. And for a president to promise transparency as he did, there you go, an outright lie.

America as we knew it

The liberal democrats in office, under the leadership and goal setting of Obama, have attempted to completely change the America I grew up with. Was America about government takeover of business? Was America about ramming legislation through the process that the public was at best split over? Considering health care, the nation was split and it is still split. That is hardly a mandate.

What about American borders? What has Obama and Congress done to protect our borders, specifically the southern border? Nothing. They are using the issue as a political token to get immigration reform. When did America allow open skirmishes with armed foreign groups to occur on our soil. This is happening now. When the governor of Arizona asked Obama for help securing the state's borders, she was urged to "be his partner" in working toward a comprehensive overhaul of the nation's immigration system. There was no help. No troops. No fences.

This is not America as we knew it. Would any president up to and including George W. Bush have allowed armed insurgents to engage in open warfare on our soil without a response? No. Not one.

And how about blatant socialism? And please, taking over corporations, running the health care system, those are socialist actions. Go read your high school civics books. Those are examples of socialism.

The America I knew and grew up in was not socialist. And I pray it never will be.

The Constitution of the United States of America

This is a particularly tricky issue for Barack Obama. He has already openly violated the constitution on several points. here are a few:

Violated Article 1, Section 6 by attempting to vote Hillary Clinton a pay raise while waiting for her to become Secretary of State. It is against the constitution to do so.
Violated Section 9 by taking Chairmanship of the UN Security Council, it should have gone to an ambassador and the constitution requires a congressional vote to approve such a title for the president.
Violated Article 1, Section 2 by attempting to give the census job to his Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel. It was not within his authority to do so.
There is no constitutional support for the appointment of "czars". Obama has appointed numerous czars to oversee issues that are constitutionally within the realm of the legislative branch of government. Their existence is constitutionally wrong.
Violated the 1st Amendment by the confirmed attempt to silence Laurie Williams and husband Alan Zabel for Criticizing Cap and Trade.

The Presidency

Remember when Obama's transition team leader was asked if he was ready to take office? Her response was he would be "ready to rule on day 1". That should have been a clear warning sign to everyone who paid attention. When oil was rushing into the Gulf of Mexico, why did Obama not allow foreign support to come in early? And why did he go golfing so much when this crisis was unfolding? Why did he wait so long to do anything? Perhaps because it was useful to him to have a crisis such as this so they could push through further legislation to shutdown ocean oil drilling. Perhaps he just had no clue what to do.

Obama has used the presidency as a political tool, not unlike many other presidents, but he has not even attempted to mask his efforts. People spoke of George W. Bush as being an arrogant president. He arrogance is nothing next to the arrogance of the Barack Obama presidency.

The moral high ground

I am not even sure why this was so often applied to George W. Bush. If people even remotely understood how the government works, they would see that Bush more often than not retained the moral high ground. As for Barack Obama, why was he always in company with those that preached violence to others and those that spoke of the government of the United States as being "criminal" and "violent"? Where does that show a moral high ground? Consuming preached hatred does not make for a moral high ground.

The presidential oath of office

Gaffs aside, the oath contains this part: "preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States". See the part about violating the Constitution above.

One who so willingly violates the Constitution is not so faithfully defending it. Or, he is simply incapable of understanding it. I don't know. I assume its the former.

An independent press

This was applied to George W. Bush and honestly, I have to wonder what that web blogger was smoking. The press had never been overly kind to Bush. In fact, many times he was made the fool of in the open press. If the press were to treat Obama the same as the treated Bush, there would be calls of racism and demanding that those responsible would be fired.

But as it turns out, that will never happen. Obama is the darling of the liberal press and is favored in their reporting. This is a general thing for the liberal press, they love liberals, they hate conservatives. To deny this reality is living a lie. Open your mind for yourself and look around you. Pay attention to the how the press treats liberals vs conservatives. There are exceptions and some of those are on both sides: there are some major news agencies that are overtly conservative - maybe 2 at best.

So while it may not be Obama's fault directly, where is his criticism of them? Where is the president urging fairness? Where is the president leading? He is not.

Accountability in government

Barack Obama has been placing people in position to disrupt accountability in government since he took office. The "czars" he has appointed work for him. There is no independence and they are in in bed with most major sections of government. While it may sound like conspiracy theory to suggest he has done this to protect himself, one can hardly deny it will vastly help. Given that Obama is not stupid, he would have known this from the beginning. Did the potential backlash sway him from this? No. Did he ever address this? No. It seems like a willing act.

And as for the promised transparency, we have yet to see any of it. Obama's presidency remains secretive and he remains unaccountable for the failures so far.

So there it is. That is my short list of criticisms of Barack Obama. I criticized him on what he has done and what he has not done. Not who he is, not his religious beliefs, not his ancestry, not his wealth, not on anything other than what he has done in the race for president and as president.

I am not attacking the man. I am criticizing the man, based on his own merits of his presidency and actions. Anyone who rises up to lead has by that very action opened themselves to criticism.

I also stand by what I wrote and quoted as being accurate as best I could determine. If you have criticism of something I wrote based on its accuracy, please share. I shall correct it. If you have criticism based on your disagreement with my opinion, you are free to write your own position and post it where you have permission to do so legally.

I ask that if you disagree, then don't read this anymore and don't post any comment. I will delete them anyway. If you agree with my position then don't post any comment, I will delete those as well. This is my opinion and my position. It is not up for debate and it is not up for mockery. Please respect my opinion and position and I will respect yours.

Flame me and you just confirm my opinion of liberal slander and show me to be correct.

And if you already commented, it just proves you failed to read the whole post.

Where Are Your Friends?

2011-02-02T13:32:00.000-05:00

Some time ago, my wife and I attended her 20 year high school reunion. I knew no one but it was fun learning about her friends from high school. Seeing the juxtaposition of the pictures of the kids in high school and now walking around in their late 30s at the party was amusing. My wife was the quiet type in high school and didn't have a huge circle of friends she would hang out with. There were several old friends she was quite happy to see and some that she found it easier to speak with now more than she did back then. All in all, a good evening.

With this event still fresh in our minds, my wife and I went for a walk the next morning. We were staying the weekend with her sister in modern suburbia, replete with stone faced town houses, well maintained lawns, sparkling cement sidewalks, and an incredible lack of people moving around this morning. My wife asked the question "I wonder how many people who live here really know each other?"

So I told her what I had seen in my time staying here with her sister and brother-in-law (I have stayed here a lot for work), and that I have seen some amount of interaction of people at times. Granted, I am not the best one to speak for the level of interaction as I am not really here at times where such interaction would be at its highest, but you can get a sense of things over time. I told her about various people that I have at times spoken to and interacted with in my movements around the neighborhood. Then I made note that where we live, in a very rural area, that we probably really don't know many other people much better. We know the people we go to church with, our neighbors, and to some extent the families of our children's friends. But how well do we really know them?

My wife and I moved into rural NC at different times from different places. My wife has been in this location since marrying a man from the area about 16 years ago. After they divorced, she remained with her children, deciding that it was the best thing to do at the time. She and I married five years ago and I moved into our little rural NC house and have really struggled to "fit in" and establish a set of good friends, the kind that you can call on to help, will call you to help, and will generally just be happy to "hang out" with you.

I grew up in rural Appalachia and in my years since college, I have lived in multiple states and in multiple settings including suburban, rural, and in-between areas. I have had to adapt to multiple neighborhoods and local customs. Though I am no expert on the subject of "fitting in", I have had to do it many times so I at least have some experience.

After five years of attempting to fit in and reach that point of inclusion, I find that I am no closer to the goal. While I have many "friends", that friendship has its limits. My wife and I have talked about this extensively. She is still at the same point of fitting in as she was 16 years ago when she first moved here.

Now its not that there is anything wrong with the people where we live, nor do I think there is anything inherently wrong with us. At least I hope not. Rather I think there are two different forces at work to keep people at arm's length, so to speak, that work differently, but have the same end.

For those who live in the suburbs and find themselves in neighborhoods that don't really come together, I think they are seeing the "mobile workforce indifference". The mobile workforce indifference comes about when people, and quite often knowledge workers or other professional, move a lot for their jobs. Many such workers don't know how long they will be at any one location and they find that its difficult to invest the right amount of time needed to really fit in. Its hard to get several years worth of knowing someone in less than a year. People don't have that kind of time anymore. So in the end, they just don't try very hard. And to the people already there, they don't know how long these newcomers will be here, so they don't try too hard either.

Note that its not that the people who were already there, or the people who moved there are necessarily rude or indifferent, its just that they are living busy lives and its difficult to put forth a lot of personal time investment in something that may be short lived.

For those that move outside the suburbs, into the rural and semi-rural settings, and find themselves in areas where they really just don't gel with the local population, I think they are seeing the "not-family indifference". The not-family indifference comes about when people move into a region that has long family histories - those counties where 80% of the people can trace some kinship via family lines to most each other. When people move into an area where they are not related to the local population in some way, there simply is little room for them in most people's lives. This can also happen when a person divorces and is "out of the family", as happened with my wife. When you are not related by family ties to people in the rural and semi-rural areas, you are something of an outsider. Others always have something going on in their lives that involve family or others who they have known since childhood and thus are "like family" and consequently don't have much extra time for non-family events.

Note that its not that the people who were already there, or the people who moved there, are necessarily rude or indifferent, its just that it is difficult to put forth a lot of personal time investment in others who are not family, and thus possibly be accused of slighting family. For those that move into such areas, its difficult to gauge how much they can push themselves until they are met with unanswered calls and a cool response. Its a precarious balance for both sets of people.

Of the two, I think the mobile workforce indifference is the easiest to overcome, as I have done so in times past. You tend to find others who are like you, mobile, and thus its easy to take on new friends knowing that any of you may be heading off to some new location at any time. Since its expected, it drops the bar of expectations and makes it easier for some people to deal with this kind of fitting in. But the "not-family indifference" is more complicated and involves more touch points for those who live in those family ties. They have to be careful with taking on new friends so that they don't create problems with their own family and family commitments.

Both of these situations lead to the virtualization of friendship. When you are mobile or an outsider and thus find it difficult to meld into the local environment, you can find stability in online friends. People can move, lives change, phone numbers change, but as long as you have that email address, online social network hook, or MMORPG guild buddy, you can have a friendship that can be stable and fulfilling.

For those that are not as hooked in the online world as myself, that statement may seem very odd. But think about it. You can have a friend that is always reachable, always there, and you can meter the amount of involvement you have with them (and them with you). And contrary to what some may believe, you can actually develop very strong ties to people you have never seen in person and live in other states, other continents, or move from place to place. Internet connections are ubiquitous, these friends don't necessarily move out to where you can't reach them, unless you or they specifically want to.

Back to the conversation I had with my wife that morning. It occurred to me that I knew more about the lives of people I have never met physically than I do about many people I see weekly. I spend more time sharing jokes and stories with online friends than I seem to with local people. And there are online friends I have who I would sooner pick up the phone and call them with some problem I wanted to talk about, than I would with some locals.

It would be easy for others to judge me and say that I am too aloof from local humans, or that I spend too much time online. It would be easy, but it would be entirely incorrect and reflect that those who would say such a thing really do not know me. I am an extrovert, ready and willing to talk to anyone about nearly anything. I find it easy to talk to people I don't know and strike up conversation. I live an open life and don't really hide much. Yet, I find myself still on the outside looking in when it comes to fitting in the local environments.

Through work I have built some of my strongest friendships. Many have lasted for years, keeping in touch via online means. Others just melted away due to changing lives or simply losing contact. Currently, my best friends have come through work and through church. And those friends are awesome, yet there are very few times I actually find myself "hanging out" with any of them. Unless there is some motive, some reason to get together, it just doesn't happen much.

Perhaps I am wrong, but I feel that my situation is not unlike that of many others who find themselves building closer ties to online friends over time. At least others over the age of 24 or so. Those younger humans have entirely different social patterns which are based on their erroneous belief of immortality.

But the appeal to online friendships and relationships is you find others with similar beliefs, interests, or quirky humor and they are always there, no matter where you are or where you move to. They post something nearly every day and at the oddest times, and sometimes, they post just the right thing to lift your spirits when you need it. Its not often that at 3:00 a.m. while you can't sleep, a friend just happens to call you or come see you and give you that pick-me-up you need. And its a good thing they don't. It would be entirely awkward considering you got the pick-me-up post while sitting on the toilet using your smartphone to access Facebook.

Why Executives Love Windows

2011-01-26T10:43:00.000-05:00

Executives love the Windows operating system and can't understand why techs and engineers want to use Mac OS X or Linux. It just doesn't make sense to them. After all, Windows is consistent and standard and reliable. So to even suggest something else, some kind of alternative, is crazy. After all, with all the money they have invested, they don't want to lose compatibility by switching to some niche operating system or science experiment.

Consider the backwards compatibility with Windows. It has had the same base name... Windows... as the previous distros... I mean versions... for years. Oh sure, nearly all device drivers had to be rewritten, and a lot of applications, but they needed to evolve anyway. And so with enough versions of the drivers and applications, they are backwards compatible in name. However, don't mention the problem that Win 7 home groups are only designed to work with other Win 7 machines and cannot communicate with any other systems, not even Windows XP. After all, if Microsoft decided a change was needed, then of course its for the better. This is a point where it was decided you don't really need all that much backwards compability.

And let us not forget browser compatibility. Internet Explorer has kept the same name and most of the same bugs for years now. And all those security problems, they are just "issues" that are being addressed in the next version of Internet Explorer. After all, when web sites are coded for IE6, I mean IE 7, I mean IE 8 in compatibility mode (or are they doing IE 9 now?) you have amazing... compatibility of a sort. They can render HTML all the same, mostly. And after the next releases of Firefox, Chrome, and Safari, then you will see what features will be in Internet Explorer in its next release.

Oh let's talk ease of use. Let us not forget ease of use. Microsoft products are well known for their ease of use and consistent user interfaces. In fact, on any Windows distro... I mean version... you have numerous examples of their consistent look and feel.

Consider Wordpad and Paint in Windows 7. They have a very useful UI ribbon. And the Task Manager and Notepad, two venerable applications well known to Windows users for killing stuck processes and reading security notes, use the same menu bar that has been around for years. And we can't forget the ribbon bar of Office 2010, a Microsoft self-proclaimed amazing invention, that has so many features, they don't even know them all. Of course, its a different UI ribbon than what is used in Wordpad and Paint of course. Can't have too many good things you know.

And then there is good old Internet Explorer in all its many incarnations of web support. It does not use a ribbon because it has its own special, well thought out, and different UI menu bar because it needed its own consistency. Its not the same as the old menu bar in Task Manager and Notepad as their menubars were getting old... I mean retro... I mean... they were... different, so a consistent one was needed.

And let us not forget file system interoperability. Windows can read and write ntfs, fat32, fat16, ISO 9660 and old MS-DOS format file systems. And with those file systems available, there is no need to be able to read and write any others. Who needs ext2, ext3, ext4, udf, ufs, hfs, hfs+, reiser, or any of the other 50+ file system formats? And really, who needs to mount a CD or disk image file as a device anyway? No one really would need to do that. Just burn the image to CD and then mount the CD like we have been doing for years. Why mount it virtually when you can make yet another coaster for your home from the temporary CD?

And security. You know Windows must be the most secure operating system. After all, there are at least a dozen major anti-virus software vendors out there. And you can find all the anti-spyware software you need, if you look for it, on the Internet. It must be the most secure operating system because all those vendors went out of their way to write security software for Windows. You can't argue with numbers. Windows anti-virus tools have databasesd over 287,000 Windows viruses. While Macs and Linux tools only have a few dozen in their databases. They are so far behind.

And standards? Where do I start? Windows is totally about standards. After all, they are compatible with MS OFfice. And they can connect to the Internet. Now that is standards compliance.

Of course, there are some web sites out there that use so called "international standards" that were specified and voted on by international committees, but really, can they know more than Microsoft? They are meant to be ignored. And since most... I mean a lot... I mean a third... I mean almost 25% of all web sites out there run Microsoft web server, those standards really don't mean much anyway do they?

And in the end, Windows is the least common denominator. Most people don't have the time to go and learn a new operating system when all they want to do is browse the web, read email, post on social networking sites, write some documents, print some things, and play Solitaire and Mine Sweeper. And you can do all that with the modern features of Windows 7 using only a 1 GHz CPU, 2 GB of RAM, 16 GB hard disk space (minimum), and a DirectX 9 graphics card with 128 MB (if you want the pretty Aero interface).

I mean really, who has the time to switch to a different browser? They would have to learn a whole new menu bar when the IE menu bar is so ... available. And sure there are other word processors out there like Abiword and OpenOffice, but really, don't you just love the unique... yet consistent... somehow... UI ribbon of MS Office? And why would you ever want to do this on limited hardware? Everyone should upgrade their hardware with every Windows and Windows SP release so they have fewer reasons to complain. And if they can't afford upgrade, why do they have a computer in the first place?

So just forget about any alternative operating systems. The executives know best. Buy the $600 PCs with Windows 7 and MS Office and you will be compliant.

Just don't tell any of those "regular users" on tight budgets that they can run Ubuntu Linux with OpenOffice for free on a machine that costs less then $200, or even one of those older machines that you still have somewhere that used to run the Windows XP or Windows 98 distros... I mean versions.

Choice will just confuse people.

Use Windows. Be compliant.

Play?

2011-01-25T15:09:00.000-05:00

I wrote this last summer and I buried it as a note on Facebook. After re-reading it, I decided to move it to a more public viewing area.

It was 3000 degrees outside. The air was so thick with humidity I had to use a machete to cut my way through. The few times I ventured outside I was quite ready to go inside where my AC struggled to keep up. After several very non-active hours indoors, I finally managed to cool off.

Then the little one came into the bedroom where I was just watching TV. She grabbed hold of the side of our bed and struggled to pull herself up. I gave her a boost up and she played "king of the daddy" on my belly. It was fun, even if painful for me.

After a few minutes she looked at me with those clear dark eyes and asked "play?" in that oh so cute way. She then scrambled down the bed and headed out of the room. I did not follow.

Back she came, another boost up, more beating on my abdomen and again she asked "play?" once more. I said "ok, go play."

She slid back down to the floor and headed around the bed, but stopped before leaving the bedroom. For the third time she climbed our bed, with my help and got back in my face. "Play?"

Ok, I am dense. It took 3 times but I finally got it. After a quick search for her shoes, and mine, we ventured outside, which was only slightly cooler than the surface of the sun by this point.

By the time she was finished climbing around on the tractor, her little "gym" set, and the trampoline, I was soaked with sweat. Granted I could sweat in Antarctica during a blizzard, but yeah, it was pretty bad.

As the biting and stinging bugs were now venturing out, I managed to talk my little girl into a ride in the car. We have a long circular driveway and I drove around for about 15 minutes with the AC on high. Never left my driveway, never got above 8 MPH, but she was having fun, she was with her daddy.

She insisted on using the seat belt, a combination lap/shoulder belt definitely not designed for toddlers. Still, she sat there looking so satisfied that she was doing things like her older siblings. And I sat there satisfied that for now at least, its the simple things that make her happy.

One day, all too soon, she will be like her older siblings, and simple things like she enjoyed today will just not cut it. It was just the day before this "adventure" that I sat in the airport with her 18 year old sister as she was headed off to Dallas for a month. And it doesn't matter how old they get, they are still "little" to me.

I watched intently as my high school graduate made her way through security, wanting to be by her side and instructing her the entire time, but I couldn't. I had to let her fly. But she is still my baby, no less so than the toddler that convinced me to come outside in the stifling heat with just a word and a smile.

Even my son, now 20, who has moved in with my mother for a while and is working, he is still my little boy. He may be taller than me, wear bigger jeans, but still, he is "little" in my head. And the days when he was satisfied with simple things are long past. And even now, he is not at arms reach any more. But I will always remember how we played when he was just a toddler himself.

Such is the way things are. We have these kids and they can absolutely drive us nuts. Then when we see them actually taking steps out of the nest, it is hard to just let them fly. But that has always been the goal. Raise and release.

Well, after having this epiphany in the car with my toddler, and missing my son and the eldest daughter, I finally convinced the little one to go back in the house. Back through the stifling heat and back into the house with our struggling AC. She headed off in search of more mischief. I sought only a dry shirt and a fan.

I could have been watching Mythbusters or snoozing. But I chose to "play", in the manner my little girl chose, despite the heat, the humidity, and my lethargy. It was a good choice. It may be years away, but it will be all too soon she prepares to leave the nest and start her own life apart form her parents. There will be few chances to play then.

I can still see her little face and those expressive eyes as she got in my face and said "play?" A heart melting thing for sure.

And I am so glad I went out into the miserable heat. After all, playing with her was not miserable at all. It was a treasured moment. And there are only so many such moments to go around.

Scratches and Marks

2011-01-25T13:26:00.000-05:00

The other day while doing some home improvement I sat down to rest for a few minutes at my dining room table. As I sat there trying not to think about all I had to do, I was idly looking at the surface of our table. It is covered in scratches, marks, dings, and stuff that is probably the result of a child being sloppy while eating. It doesn't matter how often you clean it, those kids just keep coming back.

I thought back to years ago when I bought the table and I specifically looked for a table with a top made from solid wood so it could one day be refinished. Knowing that kids would render any furniture to devastation given enough time, I tried to get something with durability. Thoughts of refinishing that table keep coming back to me. It gets so much use, it is dire need of some TLC.

Our house is crowded with lots of kids and their friends seem to be coming and going a lot. And quite often, the dining room table is the center of our little home. Granted, a few children may seclude themselves away to watch TV or play video games in another room, but invariably, the dining room table becomes the communal water hole. All the herd seems to gather there at one time or another.

When kids and adults come through the back door, anything and everything in their hands seems to be deposited on the table, at least for a while until they get it moved, usually a forced issue by mealtimes. And the same happens when leaving. The table becomes a staging area where stuff is piled before it is removed from the house.

So I sat there thinking about how worn the table looked now after years of use. And in doing so I thought of countless homework papers, school projects, tax forms, computers, and a wide assortment of household items that have at one time or another had some quality time on the surface of that table. So many things have happened around that table, mostly good, but some not so good, and a few which are downright bad.

My old table is at times a work bench, a lab bench, an artists horizontal easel, a desk, a chair, an examination table, a really big shelf, a podium, and sometimes, when the time is right, it is bared, cleaned, and becomes a place to eat.

There are years of memories scratched and marked into the surface of that wooden table. But still it serves us in so many ways. Its not as pretty as it used to be, but just as valuable to me. Perhaps more so now that I think about it.

One day I will probably refinish that old table and give it a fresh look. I don't need to see the marks and scratches to be reminded of all the good times had at that table. I carry them in my memories always.

Each of us are in ways like that old table. We are many things to many people, trying to help where we can, getting scratched, marked, and scarred through life. We may look worn at times, but there are countless memories for each of us along the way.

Come to think of it, I could use some refinishing myself.

Stand or Kneel?

2009-11-11T14:49:00.001-05:00

It occurs to me as I ponder my own family's contributions to our nation's security through the armed services that we owe a great debt to them.

First, I think of my father who was in the air force during the Korean War. My uncle who was in the Navy during WWII. And my other uncle who was an army ranger during WWII who earlier this year was named a "Chevalier of the Legion of Honor in France" by the president of France - a title roughly equivalent to English knighthood.

There are so many others in so many different conflicts and during the times between conflicts. Men and women who stand and fight for freedom, for justice, and for selfless ideals for the betterment of others. Most people are not so noble, not so courageous, and not so selfless as to risk it all for the sake of nameless and faceless neighbors and fellow Americans, many of whom are not even grateful anymore.

And I try to not think about the countless ignorant masses that stand in the shelter of the blood of others and yell obscenities at them for spilling blood. Our soldiers are there doing their job not because they are war-mongers, but because there are war-mongers out there that have no intention of compromising or negotiating. Some people never understand this. They still live in the kindergarten of life and cannot conceive that someone may actually not relent when told to.

I just hope that the youth of today learn to understand that if you do not stand and fight, you will fall and kneel. Freedom was not given. It was fought for and taken. Let us not be so willing to give it up merely for comfort of body or pretense of conscience.

Americans must either stand now, or kneel later. There are no alternatives to these paths. Choose wisely.

Looking Ahead by Looking Back

2009-10-23T00:54:00.002-04:00

As I look ahead toward my next birthday, I can't help but look back over my shoulder at how I got here and stand in awe of how God has been the orchestrator of so many amazing events in my life. Not all of these have been joyful during the time I have experienced them. But they were amazing in looking back. Seeing how those events shaped my life and have brought me to the place I am today, or rather the man I am today, I can lift my head up and say "I am truly thankful."

None should live in the past and that is not what I am suggesting. Rather, I am simply looking ahead by looking back. Mere rhetoric? Not hardly. It is by experience we are prepared for the future. And it was the the collection of our life experiences that has us where we are today. If we don't understand those experiences, we may have to suffer subsequent repeats of them.

Looking back on my own life, there are many wonderful and exciting experiences that perhaps would not be so bad to repeat. But also, there are many, many terrible experiences I wish I could completely erase. But I cannot blot out those things from my mind. Perhaps that is a good thing. I dislike even the memory of them so much, I would go to the greatest lengths to never repeat them.

Over the years I have experienced the death of relatives, grand-parents, my father, loved ones, and even the death of a marriage. None of those experiences are something I desire to repeat again. But each of them formed in me a new will, a new understanding, and a new commitment to love the family I have and be the best son, husband, and father I can be.

Having experienced the utter betrayal of a spouse and then having the experience of handling the fallout of that event in the lives of my own children, I can attest that kind of experience will definitely cause your knees to buckle. But the experience with my children as we redefined and reshaped our family was something I hold dear. It was a mysteriously good time for us, despite how we got there.

Even then, in the aftermath of that turbulent time, I also endured the experience of losing a close friend, for reasons I still don't know. In fact, the death of my marriage spilled over to impact nearly all my friends to one degree or another. I am still finding evidence of the fallout now several years later. In some cases it is the result of misinformation, but in some cases, it is purely the result of lies spread by others, for whatever reasons they purposed in their heart.

In the midst of such complexity to my life at times like that, I was often the recipient of amazing blessings, though I must admit, I did not always realize at the moment. As an example, even when I was not looking for a wife, God led one right to me. But that was one of those times I recognized a blessing. There are moments in a person's life when there is a defining choice to make: to trust God, or trust others. I chose to trust God and ask that woman to be my wife. And since she was trusting God as well, she said yes. And she has been a blessing to me in many ways.

As I look back over all such experiences, good and bad, I see many of those defining moments. A decision was to be made. And time and time again I have seen the best choice was to seek God first. He has never led me astray. I am led to believe, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that no matter what the situation, He really does cause all things for my "good". Sometimes I just don't understand it at the moment, but once again, looking back, I can see it.

And now, as I look at some of my most recent experiences, I am simply in awe at how good God has been to me. In the past four years following the betrayal and abandonment by my first wife, I have gotten married to a wonderful woman, received her three wonderful daughters to raise as my own, watched my oldest two children reach an age some may call "adult", and was there for the birth of my youngest daughter. I count all my children as blessings - though at times they may cause some cursing, such is the nature of children.

So what have I learned from this little look back? Mostly that I cannot even begin to predict what is in store for me and what is yet to come. But I can say this, I know that no matter what it is, ultimately, God is good to me. That much I can definitely look ahead to.

Need A Sweater?

2009-05-12T00:14:00.001-04:00

With all the talk of global warming... oops, I forgot, they are calling it climate change now... anyway, we all need to get ready for the global heat wave that will melt ice, raise oceans, and otherwise change things up a bit.

But let's not be too hasty to believe something merely because some politician pushes an agenda to take away your money. Instead, let's sit back, think a moment, look at the real data, and think some more.

So if things are heating up, why have the four major global temperature tracking outlets (Hadley, NASA's GISS, UAH, RSS) all released data showing that over the past year, global temperatures have gone down, not up.

Oh yeah, and another thing. All that ice that is melting and making headlines... apparently those are just local phenomena. In fact, in 2008 the antarctic ice actually increased overall.

In addition, from 1940 until 1980, recorded temperature measurements of the earth show cooling. The argument is that there has been warming since then but, in fact, almost all of that is due to what is called the "urban heat island" effect – that is, that the weather stations are around the edge of cities and the cities expanded out and distorted the record. When you look at rural stations – if you look at the Antarctic, for example – the South Pole shows cooling since 1957 and the satellite data which has been up since 1978 shows a slight cooling trend as well.

So let's think about it. Why would politicians hype up a "global emergency" of global warming as they called it, especially leading up to an election year? After all, it would be irresponsible and unethical to tell people that there was a global emergency when really they were just pushing a liberal agenda to expand government and taxes.

So... if they all clamored about global warming, and yet the data does not support a warming trend, and it is unethical to stir up people with a lie like that...

What does that say about the current administration?

I wonder.

The Dark Ages

2009-04-29T08:21:00.001-04:00

According to Wikipedia, the Dark Ages is a term referring to a period of cultural decline or societal collapse that took place in Western Europe between the fall of Rome and the eventual recovery of learning. The concept of a Dark Age was created by the Italian scholar Petrarch (Francesco Petrarca) in the 1330s and was originally intended as a sweeping criticism of the character of Late Latin literature.

But did you also know that it really was dark?

The sun's brightness hasn't changed much over the last 20 years. But it has been brighter for the last 60 years than it has been at any time in the last 1,150 years. Consider the following:

According to scientists, the Sun's radiance has changed little during this period [60 years]. But looking back over 1,150 years, Sami Solanki [Professor at the Federal Institute of Technology in Zurich Switzerland] found the Sun had never been as bright as in the past 60 years.
The team studied sunspot data going back several hundred years. They found that a dearth of sunspots signaled a cold period - which could last up to 50 years - but that over the past century their numbers had increased as the Earth's climate grew steadily warmer. The scientists also compared data from ice samples collected during an expedition to Greenland in 1991. The most recent samples contained the lowest recorded levels of beryllium 10 for more than 1,000 years. Beryllium 10 is a particle created by cosmic rays that decreases in the Earth's atmosphere as the magnetic energy from the Sun increases. Scientists can currently trace beryllium 10 levels back 1,150 years.

During the Medieval maximum of 1000-1300 there was an extremely large Sunspot which is believed to have warmed the Earth higher than normal. There were no accurate measurements of the weather to call upon during this time but the discovery and colonization of Greenland by Eric the Red supports this hypothesis. Eric was exiled from Iceland for manslaughter and sailed west discovering Greenland. He then led many ships, filled with people who wanted to make a fresh start, to this new land. For 300 years Greenland flourished, new communities settled, trade with other countries grew, and the population increased. Around 1325 the climate cooled down considerably, people started to abandon the northern settlements. By 1350 glaciers covered the northern settlements, and the southern most settlements were dying out as well.

The Sporer minimum of 1400-1510 and the Maunder minimum of 1645-1715 were each known as a "little ice age." They were both droughts in Sunspot activity, and a link to a time of abnormally cold weather on Earth. In addition to finishing off the Greenland colonies, the Sporer minimum showed increased rates of famine in the world, and the Baltic Sea froze solid in the winter of 1422-23. Some of the more notable effects of the Maunder minimum included the appearance of glaciers in the Alps advancing farther southward, the north sea froze, and in London there was the famous year without a summer where it remained cold for 21 consecutive months.

The history of our planet is one of thawing and freezing and thawing again. The planet itself records the fact that for most of its existence demonstrates this kind of cycle. And although our blue planet is warm and comfy most of the time, it has spent an enormous amount of time in some form of an ice age.

And if one were to look at sunspot cycles, it is apparent that increased solar activity warms the Earth and decreased solar activity allows the Earth to cool. These are simple and demonstrated truths.

If you were to take this to its logical end, the higher solar activity in the last 60 years is a "peak" of the sun over a 1,000 year period. This means that there should be an expected natural warming of the planet with a subsequent cooling cycle. Since sunspots and solar surface activity eludes predictive methodologies, it is unclear at any time what may happen 60 or 100 or 1000 years from now.

But what should be obvious is that the sun is expected to start a downward trend of solar activity at any time, or already has. Once the downward trend begins, we will have a new minimum similar to the Maunder Minimum with decades of much colder weather.

Or conversely, the sun could crank up the surface activity and solar flares and sunspots increase dramatically. In the event solar activity increases further, the Earth will see temperatures rise more than what models predict for consequences of greenhouse gases.

The long and short of it is that Sun has just peaked. It is little wonder that there has been a 4 degree increase in temperatures over the last 100 years. My bet is the next 100 years will see the cycle begin again and the Earth will begin to cool, just as it has done for eons without any help at all from us.

He Said What?

2009-04-28T20:33:00.001-04:00

Al Gore has said that the polar bears are drowning because of melting sea ice. I quote:

"That's not good for creatures like polar bears that depend on the ice. A new scientific study shows that for the first time they're finding polar bears that have actually drowned, swimming long distances up to 60 miles to find the ice. They did not find that before."

However, Al was wrong. The real inconvenient truth:

There have been no studies, scientific or otherwise, that indicate any such thing is happening. What did happen was that four polar bears were found drowned because of a storm.

Amazing. How could the Nobel Prize winner have messed that up?

Politics suck.

Time Passes Quickly

2009-03-31T10:07:00.002-04:00

It has been months since I last posted in my blog. Why the delay? Why the absence from sage and sound pronouncements and potent musings on the state of life, living, and all?

I don't know.

I think mostly because there is simply too much going on and I could never sit down and sift through life and pull out something that stood out above the others enough to warrant its own entry. Perhaps its the ennui of winter dragging out into slow spring. Or maybe I really am that ADD.

So many things have happened and so much has changed. Too much to really cover in a few pages and I would not want to bore others to the point of self-mutilation. So maybe a spring recap is in order and then perhaps I will be on track going forward.

The first thing I have to say is that being an old dad ain't so bad after all. When I first learned that I was going to be a father yet again at 42, I was "concerned" to say the least. After the shock, I added up all the kids including the one coming and my legs buckled under the weight of six kids counted on my fingers.

And yet, here I am with what has to be one of the most wonderful little girls any dad could ever hope for. Having four other girls I have to be careful with comparisons because I have learned over time that females (young and old) can get their feelings hurt pretty easy. But I also know that even her sisters would have to say that our little bundle of joy is the "most awesomest baby ever". They said so. That proves it.

So life with a 5 month old is not much different than life with a teenager with the obvious exception of the diapers. And I think my experiences and even my age have qualified me to better appreciate the joys of a new baby. The first time around I was a complete amateur. But this is my third baby and sixth child, I have been able to apply some mellow to my attitude this time around far easier than before.

I mean really, its not the end of the world for a baby to smear food on their head, or a pacifier to drop to the floor. Wipe the head down, brush the pacifier across your jeans a couple of times and press on. And for any that would say "oh my, you let your baby have a pacifier that has dared touch the dirty floor" to that I would say "yeah, and I remember seeing my pre-toddler son eat a dead spider before I could stop him." Really, babies are not as fragile as you think. Mine survived. That has to count for something.

So I have the most awesomest baby that smiles most of the time. What else could stir me so?

I have the most awesomest wife. She is the most awesomest mother. I have five other kids that are sometimes the most awesomest and sometimes the worstest - well, not really but they are kids. Those things stir me too.

I also have to say that there have been some down times this winter as well. My wife's father passed away unexpectedly. And now her mother has moved to Florida, a few states away. It also seems like it is the time in my life for those adults I remember from childhood to pass on also. There have been so many. I think back and its saddening to think of all those people that I once knew in various capacities growing up that are now gone.

But let us not dwell there. I also remember all the fun times that involved those people. I remember their kindness, their smiles, their laughs, and their presence in my life. It made my life better and from my perspective their lives were not in vain. They brought much into this world with all they did, even when they did not know they were doing anything special because sometimes, it was only special to me.

I have been blessed with the ability to recall memories in exquisite detail - with the exception of calculus, no memories there - and I can easily think back and picture those now gone. I see them from my youth and later. I can see their mannerisms and their peculiarities. Sometimes I recall events and I see them smiling, laughing, helping, caring, and just doing what they always did.

I guess the other big item that stirs me now is stress.

Anyone feeling stress from the economy? Well I am. I am stressed over my job, stressed over my work situation and the insane work distance arrangement I have. And I am stressed as a husband and dad just trying to keep it all going.

Its a good thing God is there with me because really, no man can do this on his own. Anyone is a fool to think otherwise.

And in the midst of all this what happens? Hernia surgery. Not the regular kind. Oh no. I have to have umbilical hernia surgery, something normally corrected in childhood. I remember seeing my first two kids both have this surgery and they were bouncing off the walls in about 2-3 days. For me, two weeks later I was still feeling it.

Oh well. I at least gave my family something to laugh at when they came into the living room where I camped out and would ask me questions just to hear my vicodin-induced answers. I did catch on when the 11 year old asked if she could take the tractor out for a drive. After initially nodding and muttering "sure" I quickly come to with a "what? no!".

So there it is. I reduced five months of living to just a few pages.

Oh, one thing to add. Just in the last week or so the baby has started the "da-da-da-da" phase. And when I look down at her smiling - and sometimes not smiling - face, and she says "da-da", stress is forgotten, bad memories fade, and she melts my heart. Yes, this old crusted bonehead has turned into a soft mush over the years. So I pick her up and hold her close. All is good.

Stressing Over Blessing

2008-10-20T23:08:00.008-04:00

A thin sheen of frost lay over the windshield in the deep dark of pre-dawn. The chill of fall hung heavy in the air. Walking across the countless fallen acorns on the gravel driveway, each stop evoked a crunch that broke the quiet of morning.

My car sat cold in the driveway matching the 38 degree chill. Hopping in the driver's seat, the vinyl seats immediately chilled my back and legs. As my very pregnant wife sat down in the passenger seat, she immediately broke into shivers.

The cold was chasing away the sleepiness as I started the car. We sat for a few minutes waiting for the windshield to clear. Between her shivers we talked about how cold it was and how cloth seats would have been welcomed about then.

After the window had sufficiently cleared I looked over at my wife.

"Let's do this thing", I said.

"Well, its not like we really can stop now. Let's go have this baby," came the reply.

And so our day began...

Looking like she was about to pop and still a couple weeks away from her due date, we were on our way to have labor induced. Regular labor can be challenging and is often painful. Induced labor can be quite difficult and is usually excruciating, as my wife knew from experience.

There were few cars on the road as I drove through the darkness, arriving at the hospital early. Its buildings seemed menacing to me. Perhaps even sinister. I shook it off and continued on.

Hospitals always have that affect on me. So many years of hospitals. So many years of waiting and receiving both bad and good news. It seems like the bad so often outweighs the good.

Walking the labyrinth from outpatient entry to the maternity unit gave us time for small talk about what lay in store this day. Not wanting to allow the stress to win out, I prayed and walked on, laughing and talking about what our new baby may look like.

We were soon checked in and after donning a revealing hospital gown, my wife climbed into the first of many hospital beds today. Soon, they started the medicine that would coax her body along the path to labor. It was time to hurry up and wait.

Walking speeds labor. So we walked. And we walked.

We walked the same four corridors for hours, a mind numbing experience. I soon grew bored and found ways to entertain myself and my wife. Walking silly, pondering technology, and varying the path were some of the ways I passed the time. It served us well to distract us from what lay in store for us both.

And those hours of walking did help. With dilation now starting, it was time to break her water. This still would be an event. With excessive amniotic fluid - nearly 3 times the normal amount - breaking my wife's water came as a bit of a shock to the nurse who did not have enough towels and pads ready to handle it all.

This brought on real contractions. Labor was now officially underway.

But when the doctor came to check on my wife and pre-born baby, he had a scowl and I knew something was a little off kilter. He immediately called for an ultra-sound machine and started probing for our baby.

"She's shoulder first. You can't have a baby shoulder first. The baby can't come out."

He looked at the heart rate monitor strip charts and frowned some more.

"The baby is stressing. Her heart rate is dropping too low during contractions."

I am fully aware of the implications of what all can go wrong in this situation. So was my wife. We were both actually relieved to hear what came next.

"We need to do a class 1 C-section now."

The next 10 minutes went by in a blur as my wife was whisked away down the hall.

"Lord, I leave her in your hands. Take care of my wife and my baby."

There really was nothing else to say.

I called my wife's mother to let her know what was going on. None of us expected induction to go fast. We all expected it to last all day. But she immediately got in the car and headed up to the hospital.

I made a few other calls, but before I knew it, here she came. My baby was here. Kara was already out and looking absolutely beautiful.

Told my wife was doing fine and would be going to a short recovery room, I followed Kara to the nursery where I got to hold my daughter for the first time.

She was warm, wiggly, and captivating. Words fail to capture the feeling of a father holding his child for the first time. Its moving, touching, enriching, and emboldens you to think you are something special to hold such a gift and you feel 10 feet tall. It also can make you feel the burden of responsibility and drop you to your knees.

But its wonderful. Three times I have done it. Each as wondrous and amazing as the others.

I have six kids in all now. All living at home with me. A boy and a girl from my first marriage. Three girls from my wife's first marriage. And now a beautiful new girl from the two of us.

Married just three years ago, we have been blessed over and over. I am thankful God has been so good to us and so amazing in the work He has done in our lives.

The day has been long. I have tried to be the husband my wife needed today. I have shuttled siblings back and forth to see their sister. I have tried to contact as many people as I could think of at the time to spread the good news. Some I even called twice because I forgot.

I love my wife. I love my family. I truly hope all six of my children know that another child does not diminish my love for them. It just keeps adding more in.

That is what it is to be a daddy. A daddy loves each child immensely, and uniquely. And with each new child, he just adds in more love.

It has been a long day, but it has been a good day.

Today I just became richer. Not richer in money. Richer in my family. And of the two, I count family of higher value any day.

And now to share a little sample of my new daughter's first day: follow me to the pictures of Kara!

It Doesn't Take Much

2008-08-10T22:05:00.001-04:00

So often we find ourselves unsatisfied and in discontent. We see all this "stuff" out there and think that somehow if we had more stuff, we would be happier. Television, radio, newspapers, magazines, and internet ads tell us all we need to really be happy. They tell us daily of the things we need, the stuff that they sell. And if we just bought enough stuff, our hair would grow back, always be perfectly styled, our skin would look younger, we would feel better, look better, be better, and somehow rise above the human condition.

Of course that is until they release their next product and then tell us how the last one was good, but this one is new and improved. That makes the first one old and inferior. And who wants inferior?

Well today I was tired of being in the house and decided to cut the grass. I have a very large yard and a riding lawn mower. It is needed, its not just stuff.

So there I was riding around the front yard, avoiding the bushes, the fire pit, the trees, and the trampoline. I looked over and saw our coon hound just loping around in the shade. One of the kids came out to pick up sticks so I could mow unhindered by such obstacles and I had to pause and be thankful for this moment. Here I was, stuff-deficient, and yet I was satisfied with what I have. Not only satisfied, but thankful to have it.

After 300 pulls to get the string trimmer started, I trimmed the weeds around the horse enclosure so the equine occupant would not be tempted to lean over the fence and eat the oh-so-much-greener grass on the other side. After running from the wasps and finally finishing, we headed off to pick up the two youngest ones who were at their grandmother's house for the weekend.

When we got back, I started up the tractor and fixed the hump in the gravel driveway that formed last winter. I really don't mind the smell of diesel exhaust, as long as I am seated on the tractor.

After removing a dead bush and a dead tree, I took the two youngest girls for a slow ride around the house on the tractor. The 10 year old was thrilled to be able to steer it. Of course my hand was only inches from the wheel at all times. I take no chances with my kids.

After putting the tractor away, the six year old asked if we could build a fire in the fire pit. Last year was horribly dry. This year has been nominally better. So we built a fire, but kept it small enough to be controlled easily.

Sitting out by the fire with my wife and at one point all my daughters (my son had no intention of coming out into the bug-laden evening), I had a lime flavored popsicle, a cup of water, and we sat and listened to the fire, the crickets, the tree frogs, and the coyotes.

Yes, I am happy, satisfied, and content in this scene.

You know, it really doesn't take much.

Or at least, it shouldn't.

Gynecic Familial Accession

2008-06-12T21:25:00.001-04:00

To the more astute reader among you, it is already apparent that I have just announced that we are having a baby girl!

It has been about 17 years since I last viewed a baby in the womb via ultrasound. The quality has greatly improved in that time. There were several moments of "oh that is so cool!" and I was completely amazed even though I am something of an old hand at this father thing.

Possibly the coolest part was when the technician held the probe over the baby's heart and you could watch all four chambers of the baby's heart beating in rhythm. It was simply spectacular.

Seeing all the anatomical features of the living baby still inside the womb, moving, wiggling, and doing baby things, one has to pause and marvel at the amazing creation that has taken place and is finalizing form in the mother. It is a miracle of life.

Once while trying to get a better shot of the baby's facial features, she was holding her little arm over her face, as if covering her face in modesty. Wiggling the probe a few times, she finally moved her arm and we could see her face.

During the ultrasound the technician pointed out all the major features. We saw the internal organs, 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 hands, 2 feet, 2 eyes, 1 nose, 2 nostrils, 2 lips, etc., etc., etc.

Simply awesome.

Finally, the technician started looking for the "boy parts" or "girl parts". She said "Do you see those 3 lines there? You are having a baby girl!"

That was a mixed feeling. We have 4 daughters in the house already, and only 1 son. We both kind of wanted a son. But seeing her little hands and feet moving around, you could not help but simply fall in love with her.

I am glad to be having another daughter.

So its "hers, mine, and ours" now. Errrrr... it will be sometime late October once she finally arrives. Until then, we keep praying for her and we keep loving her even though I have never seen her directly.

I like being a father. But I really love being a daddy.

I hope she loves this daddy, because I already love her.

And Then There Were Six

2008-04-20T00:12:00.001-04:00

Here's a story, of a lovely lady.
Who was bringing up three very lovely girls...

I won't even try to finish out the Brady bunch song for you. I can't make it work with our situation easily. Too many hair colors on the girls. Anyway, what we have here is a situation where boy meets girl over Internet, boy proposes to girl over Internet, boy marries girl, girl has 3 girls, boy has 1 girl and 1 boy, and now boy and girl are having 1 of their own.

Confused? Let me 'splain.

Now wait, there is too much. Let me sum up.

She had 3, I had 2, we are having 1.

Now using an advanced mathematical formula, graph theory, and a slightly used slide rule we have the following equation:

3 + 2 + 1 = 6

Yes people. My wife is pregnant and I am going to be a father again. Woot! Woot!

Wait, my math is off...

3 + 2 + 1 + 2 parents = 8 total

Dang! I need to apply for government funding. Or sell some kids for scientific research.... not!

Joyfully terrified.

Things You Don't See Anymore, Or At Least Not Much

2008-04-20T00:03:00.001-04:00

I was thinking the other day about phone booths. Not the phone stands, but an actual public phone booth out on the street. You know, a Super Man dressing room complete with phone, phone book, and that horrid folding door. You just don't see many of them any more. But once upon a time, you did not have to go far to see several. They were located all over cities and small towns.

In this age of personal mobile phones, there is a seriously declining need for public phones at all. And now, you only find a phone stand, unprotected from the weather, and they never have phone books. But there really is little reason for the phone companies to do much more than that. In reality, for most people a public phone stand is an emergency phone for when their cell phone dies while they are out and about. There simply is no demand for phone booths.

Well, there are phone booths in many bars. It is intended mainly as having a quiet place to talk on the phone and not have to shout above the noise. And some of these booths don't even have phones. It is merely a place for you to sit with your own cell phone away from the cacophony of a modern pub.

And it occurs to me, there are many other things I don't see any more. Thing that once were common. Things I remember from my childhood. Heck, some things I remember from just a decade ago have nearly vanished.

Many of these vanished items that were once common have been talked about at length in blogs, articles, and emails. Everyone knows that vinyl records and eight tracks went the way of the buggy whip, itself a vanished item I never remember being common. VHS and cassette tapes also are becoming near extinct as well. So in addition to phone booths, rotary phones, and full service gas stations, I have come up with my own list of things I don't see any more, but used to see. This is not to say I necessarily miss any of these things, just I don't see them.

And here they are, in no particular order, just random brain picking:

Leaded Gasoline

Do they really have to keep saying "unleaded" now? All of it is unleaded at the pumps, or its diesel.

Quart Oil Cans

Remember those round cardboard cans that required a special nozzle that punched a hole in the top?

Gas Pumps With 2 Digit Pricing

There was a time when it was unthinkable that gasoline would be more than 99 cents a gallon and these pumps simply did not register above 99.9 cents per gallon.

Typewriters

This used to be the main workhorse of offices, now they only exist in tiny numbers.

Carbon Papers

This goes along with typewriters, there is just little use for these in most offices today.

Orange Smelling "Model Airplane Glue"

Because if its stinky enough, people won't sniff it? Right.

Merthiolate/Mercurochrome/Merbromin

At one time, this was a standard item all mother's pulled out for skinned knees and scraped chins - and other assorted cuts.

Plastic Military Model Kits

These are becoming increasingly harder to find. Sure you can still find model military planes, but finding model tanks and jeeps and such is not so easy.

Hypodermic Needle Cleaners and Reusable Needles

Many times I remember seeing the doctor take out a needle from the needle cleaner and get it ready for my behind. Can you imagine reusing needles now?

Unpowered Lawnmowers

I actually had one of these when I had a tiny lawn in modern suburbia. I got a lot of stares at my engine-less mower.

Slide Rules

Admit it, most of you don't really know what a slide rule is for or how to use one. I will give you a hint, you don't measure with it.

Candy Cigarettes

Remember these? Most were simple stick candies colored to resemble cigarettes. I got some once that you could blow through and a little puff of powdered sugar would come out to resemble smoke. Now there's a message to kids.

Reusable Soda Bottles

I remember having to keep the soda bottles in their packs on the back porch after we drank them until we were ready to take them back to the store. Often I would pick up any I could find and take them back with ours to get the deposit refund to buy another bottle of soda (of course).

Glass Bottle Soda Vending Machines

Remember those vending machines where a stack of bottles were held between two rails and you put in your dime (later quarter) and pulled out a "little coke" - one of those awesome 8-ounce wonders of the finest cola put out by Coca-Cola. You can still get the "little cokes" but you pay through the nose for them.

Lawn Darts

Now I would like to have a set of these again. Why anyone thinks giving kids a huge dart that weighs about half a pound that they can hurl at their friends is a bad thing I will never know.

Fuse Plugs

Remember those little screw-in fuses that had a glass top that were used in "fuse boxes"? Their bottoms looked something like the base of a light bulb. We went through tons of these.

"Milkmen"

There once was a time when dairy companies had local milk delivery to your house. I remember the "milkman" coming by only on certain days. We used to save up money (sometimes from returning reusable soda bottles) and bought ice cream from him. Sometimes, he would come out and shoot hoops with us when we had a basketball out.

Fins on Cars

There was a time when most cars had fins. Why anyone thought it looked good, I will never know. This is definitely one I do not miss.

Floppy Disks

Computers originally had only floppy disks (once we passed the short-lived cassette storage). If you are saving a stack of old 5" disks, good luck getting them to read. Its now becoming rare to even find a floppy drive in modern computers. And really, with a max of 1.2 to 1.4 megabytes, they don't hold much. Often now, individual docs and presentations are too large for floppies.

Well, that is all I can think of at this time. If you have suggestions, leave a comment. I would like know what else is vanishing.

The Morning Rush

2008-04-19T22:30:00.001-04:00

It was cold and dark in the early winter morning. The stars were brilliant in the clear crisp air as the headlights snapped on when the engine started in a muffled rumble. As the car eased around the unpaved driveway, the crunch of gravel broke what remained of the early morning quiet. Pausing only for a moment at the edge of the driveway, and taking a quick check in both directions, the car launched onto the asphalt and ramped up speed quickly. The long commute out of town began once again.

Few if any cars would be on the roads this early in the morning and the driver was going to take advantage of the situation. Coming to the stop sign just down the road from his house, he waited for one car to roll by and then punched it, giving a short squeal of tires as he headed up the main route. Knowing that 4 hours of driving lay in front of him, he was trying to shave minutes off the drive and was pushing the speed limits as he set off into the darkness.

A few turns and a couple of shortcuts later, the driver and car began a near hour long trek through the dark country side before the lights of the Interstate junction would break the monotony of the morning.

Knowing this route well, each turn, each pothole, and where the cops can hide, he hurtled through the darkness. Inside, the heater was blowing, the MP3 player was belting out deep bass on the car's sound system, and the GPS display matched each nuance of the road's path through the foot hills.

Speed limit 55, that's ridiculous...

The driver kept a watch on the road and his gauges. Looking for any sign of deer, road hazards, and cops, he pushed well past the speed limit.

79, that's enough, I don't want to be stupid about it, but its pointless to go 55 here.

Several minutes and quite a few miles pass as he pressed on. The engine of this former police cruiser was barely getting a workout. This engine and this car can handle speed. It holds to the road and it handles well.

Headlights? Coming up from behind?

At first only a single pair of headlights back in the distance could be seen. A few more minutes pass and a second set appeared right behind the first.

No one in their right mind would be gaining on me. Not at this speed.

Easing off the gas, the car rolled along, dropping speed slowly.

Dang! 59 and these guys are right on me. Maybe they will pass.

Keeping a close watch on the speed, hovering just above 55 but not too much, these three were the only cars on the road.

Why won't he just pass me? Oh crap...

The blue lights came on both cars running behind him as they neared a church. With a knot in the pit of his stomach, the driver pulled into the church parking lot, came round a median, and stopped with easy access back out onto the road. Both police cruisers rolled in behind him with their headlights filling his car interior and the side floods turn on as well.

She's gonna kill me, I know she's gonna kill me. She told me to not get a ticket.

As he turned off the MP3 player and fumbled for the registration from the glove box, the driver took a quick look in the side mirrors. The cops from the first car were already out of their vehicle. The driver was walking forward with one hand carrying what seemed to be an overly large flashlight in one hand, and his other hand on his holster. His partner lingered back on the other side of the car in similar form, again with one hand on his weapon.

Oh crap! This doesn't look right.

Finding the registration finally, he took another look in the mirrors. The cops from the second car had emerged from their vehicle, but were standing behind their doors.

What are they expecting? Are these guys really serious?.

As the cop approached the open window, he shone the flashlight all around the inside and outside of the car.

"You were going pretty fast back there mister."

Oh crap!

Blurting out "I'm sorry!" he handed his license and registration over to the policeman.

"So... do you have some reason that you need to be going so fast? Some place you need to be? Or not be?"

"No sir. I am so sorry."

"So, are you on your way to work then?"

"Yes sir. I have a long commute. I am headed over to Raleigh."

"Did you know your inspection sticker has expired?"

"What? Oh crap! No sir! I am so sorry."

I think I am so going to jail this morning.

"So you are just on your way to work. Tell me, did you pass any cars along the road? Specifically, did you pass any little silver cars? Possibly with the back window blown out of it?"

Dang. Window blown out? Like shot out?

"No sir, not that I recall. In fact, except for you guys, I haven't seen any other cars on the road."

"Do you realize how fast you were going back there?"

"Yes sir. And I am so sorry."

"Tell me... do you have a cell phone?"

What?

"A cell phone? Yes sir I do."

"Would you do us a favor then? If you see a little silver car somewhere along the road, would you call in and report it? Don't stop or go near it, but just call it in?"

"... Sure... do I just dial 911?"

"Yes, that will do. If you see a car like that, just call 911 and tell them about where you saw it. Will you do that for us?

"Absolutely."

"Ok then. Now listen... I want you to slow down. It is dangerous to drive that fast on this road. So get on to work and watch your speed. Ok?"

"Yes sir. I will."

As he fumbled putting the registration back in the glove box, he pondered these last few minutes.

Dang. They are looking for someone. And if they had not been looking for someone... oh crap.

Looking all around, he watched the officers get back in their vehicles. He looked up and down the road, and eased onto the asphalt once again. No squealing tires, no fast acceleration, no sudden moves of any kind. Just slow and easy. For the last 15 miles of this leg of the drive, his top speed was 55.

The morning had started with a rush. But this most recent delay to his commute was more of a rush than he anticipated or wanted. And fortunately, the remaining 3 hours of his trek were boring and uneventful and within all speed limits.

Arriving at the office half-way across the state, he was greeted with "You're a little late aren't you?"

"Oh well. Stuff happens."

More Linux To Ponder

2008-02-12T10:08:00.001-05:00

I cannot believe it. Someone actually asked me something about my last post (A Year In Linux) and wanted to know what Linux applications I typically load and run. Not one to remain silent, I am providing said list at this time.

All you non-nerds, just stop reading now. It will only bore you and you will whine.

When I think of the entire set of applications/packages that I load, I find four basic categories: office, connectivity, development, and other. The development category includes software related to software development and computer programming. The office category includes software related to documents, diagrams, spreadsheets, etc. The Connectivity category includes software related to communicating with others via computer. And the "other" category is... other things... like music players, games, useful utilities.

Note eveything I use and list here is open source and thus available for free use.

Office:

OpenOffice, possibly the best desktop office suite on any and all platforms, surpasses commercial products

Like Microsoft Office, but simply better, and free.

database app, rival to MS Access

presentation app, rival to PowerPoint

word processor app, rival to MS Word

spreadsheet app, rival to MS Excel

AbiWord, a lightweight, but complete word processor, faster than most others

Like Microsoft Word, without the bloat, bugs, and wait times.

GIMP, the best open source image editing software, rivals commercial products

Don't know of a close Windows comparison, GIMP is far beyond the capabilities of Paint and PhotoEdit.

Dia Diagram Editor

This is probably the closest thing to Visio you will find in the open source world.

Inkscape Vector Illustrator

Another diagramming tool I use at times instead of Dia.

Planner

A project management tool like MS Project that I only recently started using.

Connectivity:

Firefox, the best web browser currently in existence

MS Explorer has slowly been imitating Firefox in all areas but one: standards compliance - MS simply will not produce a web-standards compliant web browser.

Evolution, an email client that does nearly everything

Like Microsoft Outlook (or is that MS Lookout!), even handles MS Exchange and MS Calendar.

Pidgen

This is an all-in-one instant messaging app that used to be called gaim, combines AIM, Yahoo, Google, and other chat systems under one application allowing you to do all your instant messaging from multiple accounts in one place.

Skype

This is the same voice over IP software Windows PC users use, just built specifically for Linux, allows you to make and receive voice calls.

Thunderbird, another email client

Normally I have used this email client exclusively and it is far superior to many others in feature and stability. However here at work I need a closer hook up with MS Exchange and so Evolution is my email client of choice here at work, but at home, I use Thunderbird.

Development:

gcc/g++, the GNU C and C++ compilers and associated libraries

This is standard fare for Linux programmers, and very useful for users adding custom apps.

GVim, the graphical version of the VIM (vi Improved) text editor

Yes this is a modern day version of the venerable vi text editor, on steroids, yes I use it.

GHex, a binary file editor

Sometimes you really need to look into a file and see what is there when nothing else will read it

Subversion, a revision control system

This is what we use to manage the software code base we write. Most of our company uses ClearCase, but we have moved all our Linux work to Subversion because it is easier to use, easier to administer, and overall more stable and better integrated with our Linux desktops.

kdesvn, a Subversion client

This is the best graphical Subversion client I have found, made for the KDE desktop, but works wonderfully with Gnome as well.

kompare, a graphical difference tool

This works in conjunction with kdesvn and shows differences between revisions of files, makes kdesvn a snap to use.

kdiff3, a file merge tool

This tool allows you to merge 2 or 3 different files into one file, programmers know what pains merge tools can be, this one is excellent, but merging is always painful.

Anjuta, a programmer's integrated developmen environment (IDE)

Like MS Visual Studio, but different, I use this for small projects but not for the bigger ones where SlickEdit (a non-free, commercial development IDE tool) is much better to use.
I am still looking for the dream IDE, Eclipse is not it.

Other:

Amarok, one of the best music players available for Linux

Made for KDE desktop, but I use daily in Gnome, fast, stable, and works well.

Audacity Sound Editor

The best free audio editing software I have ever found.

Nautilus Extensions

These are extensions to the Nautilus File Browser (think Windows File Manager) that provide some useful right-click context menu add-ons.

Games

There are a good number of simple, yet enjoyable games that come with Ubuntu Linux, but I did add a few, it simply depends on what you like to do during lunch at your desk.

Other Utilities

I also load other utilities that I have written and continue to write. These include BASH scripts and small programs for various things.

Well there it is, my list of applications and packages I add every time I build up a Linux desktop. I probably left out something and will have to edit this later. But for now, I think its fairly complete. Your mileage may vary.

I hope this proves useful to someone, somewhere. Actually, in a few months, when I reload a box with Linux, I will probably have to come back to this list to remember something I forgot to load.

A Year In Linux

2008-01-10T14:43:00.001-05:00

Today I was talking technical with a colleague and we were discussing everything from web site programming to computer operating systems. We talked about all aspects of software and even computer hardware. Yes. It was one of those "geek sessions". And I say that with pride.

During this conversation, I related the fact that I had been at the company for just over a year. And during my entire year at this company I have used a Linux desktop exclusively the entire time. I had a dual boot machine available to use Windows, but I only booted it into Windows once and that was only a specific task. So for almost 54 weeks straight now, my primary desktop computer has had some flavor of Linux running on it: OpenSuse on my primary desktop machine, and Ubuntu on my secondary desktop machine.

Just to note, I am a software developer and because of this, I often use two (or more) computers at any one time to develop and test software. So a second machine is not a luxury, its a requirement.

About 10 months ago I loaded Xubuntu Linux on an old laptop to breathe life back into it. That old Toshiba laptop had 128 MB of RAM and ran a 650 MHz processor. When Windows ran on it, it was to put it in my favorite way of describing it "pig-dog slow". I don't really know what "pig-dog slow" would really mean, but I mean it as "so slow it would make you want to jump out in front of a bus".

But Xubuntu (with alternate text install) ran very well on that old laptop. And a few months later I upped the RAM to a total of 384 MB and "bam!" it ran even better. I know, I borrowed that quote from some other guy who has nothing to do with computing, but oh well.

The point is, after 54 weeks of primary usage on a Linux desktop I have come to some conclusions and I thought I would record them here. So the next part is called:

Five Things I Learned From Using Linux Exclusively For An Entire Year
or
How To Get Fresh Air Without Opening Windows

1. I did not have to change WHAT I do on the computer, but I did adapt HOW I do things on the computer.

The thing I believe is most important to many people is "do I have to change?". What I found is "yes, you do have to adapt." But what I also found out is that the adaptation was not hard and was not so utterly complex that average people could not manage it. Clearly, average people manage much more complex systems every day in all facets of life. So while some change is needed, you don't have to reinvent your basic processes.

2. I experienced far fewer system lockups and crashes than I ever did running Windows.

I will tell you that yes in fact, I did have system failures. But I will also point out that all of them were related to desktop applications and all failures except for two (yes 2) were resolved with one of single most magnificent features of the Linux desktop: killing the display server with a ctl-alt-backspace three-finger salute. What that does is kill the GUI and leave the OS up and humming. So all I had to do was "login" again. No reboot was necessary except for the 2 times noted. I think I lock up the desktop about once a month.

3. There are software applications for Linux that really are superior to the Microsoft offerings.

I have been a long-time OpenOffice user and really find it to be far superior to MS Office, especially since the most recent update to MS Office which made the entire suite nearly unusable. Additionally, Evolution is just as good (or just as bad depending on your position) as MS Outlook. I personally don't like Outlook at all and hence I am not thrilled with Evolution, but it does integrate with MS Exchange mail servers so there is an advantage there. I think I really prefer Thunderbird email client really. But our company uses Exchange and I need the connection to that... sigh. So far the only thing I can't find an equal or better for is Visio - which was bought by MS, not developed by them.

4. Just because you have a zillion choices on how to do things doesn't mean you have to explore them all.

There are hundreds of Linux distributions (called distros) and there are multiple window managers as well as multiple desktop environments for Linux. However, I stuck with the mainline distros and their default setups. I really don't have the time to experiment with all the combinations of these layers of software so I stuck with Ubuntu/Gnome and OpenSuse/Gnome on my desktops and Xubuntu/Xfce4 on my laptop. I am not a big fan of KDE and I can still run all their applications on Gnome and Xfce4 as long as I have the libraries installed. So sticking with the popular distro choices makes the prospect of choosing much easier. And for a MS Windows user, this should seem quite natural because there is only one choice on MS Windows.

5. I found that most of the time the things I do could be done on any desktop operating system.

Email, word processing, web browsing, listening to music, watching videos, photo editing, and even writing software can be done on Linux, BSD, Solaris, Mac OSX, and MS Windows in very, very, similar ways. And I think that because I stick to cross-platform and open source software, I really think it is the application environment that is much more important to most users. The applications I use are portable and so for me, my environment pretty much stays the same regardless of the underlying host operating system.

So there you have it. Completely useless drivel about how I like using Linux and why I no longer care about the OS wars. All the lemmings can use their MS Windows computers and I don't care. All the uber-geek l33t haxors can use their obscure variant distro of Linux and I don't care. The acolytes of Steve Jobs can sway to the groove of their Mac OSX and I don't care. And the gearheads can run all other flavors of Unix and I don't care.

I know what it is I need to do, and I use the tool that is best for me to do it. So there you have it. Not necessarily all that profound or novel. In fact it has been known by tradesmen for centuries. What is this great philosophical conjuration?

Use the right tool for the job.

Now back to work. I have several open terminal windows with command lines staring at me wanting me to compile software. Never fear the command line. The command line is the doorway to real power on a computer and allows entry behind the pre-school widgets that GUIs limit you to.

Wrapping It Up

2008-01-03T17:46:00.001-05:00

This past Christmas, which wrapped up only last week, was an unusual Christmas for me. We were headed for the hills of West Virginia to spend time with my mother and my kin. We were going to spend Christmas as a family. We were going to spend Christmas together. And we were going to experience some firsts.

This was the first Christmas my step-children got to spend Christmas with my side of the family. This was the first Christmas for my son as an official adult (18 years old). This was the first year in a LONG time I would be able to attend the Christmas family reunion. And sadly, it was the first Christmas without my father.

But before Christmas, our dining room table was a complete mess. Why you ask? Because I was wrapping gifts and had bags, tags, papers, and tape everywhere. And so many others did around the same time in late November and into December. And I was running very late and even was wrapping up things on December 23.

Also, my mother had her own wrapping up to do. She fell a few days before Christmas and fractured the bone leading up to her thumb (or something like that in her wrist/hand). So her right arm was wrapped in a splint-like device and she was not allowed to use her hand as normal. And yes, she is right-handed.

So my wife and I, along with our kids, trundled up into the hills and came to the aid of my mother. We wrapped up party plans, gift plans, visiting, and shopping, and all the little details of life for my mother for Christmas. And we enjoyed every minute of it.

I know my father would have enjoyed being there with all the kids. He would have enjoyed having everyone in the house and all the noise and laughter and even all the tales told. Because when you get a bunch of hillbillies together, you get a lot of tall tales. Some of them might have even had some truth to them.

So my brother and I told the family tales and elaborated on our memories of our father and our adventures together. We told stories of hunting, fishing, building, tearing down, and all other antics of male family life. We want our kids to know my father even if he is not here to tell them himself. You could also say we want our kids to know my father even if he is not here to defend himself.

It was a homespun home-run if you ask me :-)

So once all the packages were opened, all the turkey eaten, all the tales told, and all the joy we could muster had been shared generously, it was time to wrap it up and head back home. We left the tall and steep hills of West Virginia and returned again to the gentler slopes of the foothills in North Carolina.

Pulling into our driveway, there was our hound dog Millie waiting for us. She had been outside for a week and was more than ready to come inside for a change. She is an outside dog and the weather was actually quite pleasant for the time of the year it was. But still, she likes to sleep inside, and she needs at least 18 hours of sleep a day.

It seems as though no sooner had we returned than we were stirring again. The kids were going to a youth camp the next day and were already repacking. The youngest two kids spent those days with their paternal grandparents and so my wife and I had the house alone for two nights. Sleeping in is really awesome. But staying up late is very exciting, if you follow me.

And so our youth finally returned, wrapping up their year with a church camp event and staying up too late and eating way too much candy. The youngest ones wrapped up their year with yet more family. My wife and I wrapped up our year mostly snuggling together whenever we could. And Millie? Well, Millie wrapped up her year the way a hound dog should wrap up their year. She slept from one year to the next.

So 2007 is officially over. It has not been a good year in many ways. And yet there are many positives to it. We pray that 2008 brings us more joy than last year and we can look back on it and say "it was a good year".

And to wrap up this post, I think I will leave this thought: its not the road behind us that really shapes our future, its the choices we make on the road ahead that has the most impact.

Two Years Ago

2007-12-10T13:06:00.001-05:00

Two years ago I was living in Texas, preparing for my move to North Carolina and to marry the most wonderful woman I have ever known. I had a truck already reserved and was busy throwing out old things to lessen the load. I sorted and sifted through so many old things I thought I would go insane. I had pitched out and tossed and ejected pile after pile. There was so much that I was ready to just leave it all behind and let it fill the dumpsters. But in the end, I ended up with a truck load anyway.

So there I was, with my son and my daughter, preparing to start a wholly new chapter in our lives. We were picking up the remnants of our small family, moving across country, and replanting ourselves in new soil.

I was planning on driving the moving truck from Texas to North Carolina myself taking my son along with me. But for my daughter, I was going to send her on ahead by airplane. So by this time two years ago, we had her plane ticket ready as well. There was so much to do for me, and for my soon-to-be wife at the time. She had her own preparations to make, not the least of which was figuring out how to put 5 kids in the limited space in the house.

A little over two years ago, an unsought divorce was finalized, my only means of transportation blew an engine, the last of my grand parents passed away, my teen kids started into public school for the first time in their lives, and I was feeling more and more alone as one by one the important people in my life simply left.

It seems strange now but I am thankful that God molded me the way He did through that time. I had to rely on Him and only Him. I not only had to rely on Him for myself, but I knew I had to put my children into His care. I had to trust Him with their hard times. It tested me, but strengthened me all the more. God is smart like that. He knows what each of us needs, if we would only listen to Him and accept it.

It was only two years ago, but it seems like a life-age had passed since I was rushing about making all those necessary preparations and visiting the remaining friends that would have me to bid them farewell. It does seem so long ago, and yet at the same time, the last two years has flown by in the blink of an eye.

As I near my two year anniversary with my wife, I am reminded of how amazing and wonderful God is through how amazing and wonderful He has blessed me with this outstanding woman. Likewise, I am thankful for our wonderful kids, blended together from two broken homes, and each of them bonding into our one family.

Yes, two years ago around this time, my world was completely different and filled with excited expectations of a new marriage, a new family, and a new life. And God has not disappointed me because He has exceeded all my expectations in really good ways.

Keep your toys Kringle, God delivers the real goods for Christmas.

Some quick Autumn thoughts

2007-11-28T14:54:00.001-05:00

The time has changed, the trees have changed, and the land readies itself for the slow time. Spring and Summer have come and gone and the land and trees are due their rest from the havoc that this past summer has brought us. Severe drought in both the southeast and southwest have taken their toll on the land and people. Floods and storms filled in the other parts that were "spared" from the drought. It has been a tumultuous weather year.

Just a few weeks ago I was driving along the interstate across North Carolina for several hours. In between the concrete human city pits, there are long stretches of forest and fields. Even with the ravages of the dry hot weather this past summer, the trees still burst forth in full fall regalia. The deep reds and brilliant golds interleaved with oranges, browns, yellows, and even greens seemed to blaze in the afternoon sun. It was a moment to hang onto.

But just a week ago I was driving the same path along the interstate across North Carolina in the reverse direction under early morning overcast skies dripping with a misty rain. The day was not too cold, but soggy and chilly, the kind of chill that just makes you shiver and want to crawl into a warm bed under thick quilts.

What a contrast to the previous week. Where there were trees basking in the sunlight exhibiting just how beautiful this world was created, there now were trees seeming to hover in the shadow of the sky, saddened by the end of summer. A bleakness and melancholia permeated the land and trees.

Or was it just me?

I pondered that question for an hour or so as the gray-brown landscape slipped past me as I headed ever onward. It was the kind of question you take on when stuck in a situation like driving for a few hours. Months of this drive have driven me from every radio station that dares broadcast along my route and singing to myself is both tiring and annoying, mostly because I cannot sing. So I do a lot of thinking in the car.

I decided that you will see what you want to see in a situation. I know the idea is not quite novel or earth-shattering, but it is definitely a reality to be considered.

Why did I see celebration of color one week and the despair of the land the next? It has to do with direction mostly. The afternoon trek was heading home to wife and family. It was a trip I looked forward to all week. It was leading to joy of family. It took me home. But the morning trip was heading to work away from home for the week. It took me away from wife and family. It took me away from where my heart remains, with my family. It simply was taking me away.

One cannot overlook the effect of the weather as well. Certainly those dreary overcast days can be difficult to muster the same joy that accompany bright sunshine and puffy little white clouds. But its effect, at least on me, is quite limited. While I would not want all my days to be overcast, I actually like some overcast days. It sets me in the mood for reflection and liberates my mind from sun-induced expectations of emotion and disposition. On those overcast days, I don't have to be happy or sad or anything, I can just be.

You see, on overcast days, other people are somewhat moody too, and they will most likely leave you to yourself. Sometimes that is just what I need. But not always and that is why I only like to have some overcast days.

But for now, I sit here at my computer looking out a fully windowed wall at the remaining brilliant golds, reds, oranges, yellows, and browns of a lingering fall color explosion, still resplendent in bright sunlight with little puffy white clouds overhead. These are the vestiges of Autumn tumbling to the side as Winter draws in its icy breath, ready to blow away the leaves and the warmth of the sun for a few months.

Maybe it really isn't that beautiful outside. I see it as beautiful, but I guess that is really the point anyway.

Bits of String

2007-08-27T17:23:00.001-04:00

I am remiss at keeping up with posting to my blog. And recent events have made it even more difficult to find words to put into a post. Yes I know it sounds impossible that I would be at a loss for words, but the loss of my father has recently taken many of the words out of me. I have so much I want to say, but nothing seemed to do justice to what I really feel or how much respect I really have for my father. And so this post will be just bits of string. I am unable to tie it all together at this time, but perhaps others can make some sense of it.

And also perhaps, just perhaps, I will be able to make more sense later. But for now, I offer these bits of string.

My father, Robert Farley, passed away quite unexpectedly July 29, 2007. Even now I find it unfathomable that he is no longer sitting in "his" chair, reading a book or watching the television, or out and about with my mother somewhere. He had been in the hospital since the beginning of May but was "doing better each day". We all had expectation that he would be home by mid August. Well, at least I convinced myself of that based on the physical therapists' descriptions. Such was not meant to be.

Its funny how in hindsight we see things so differently. Should he have had the bypass surgery in the first place? Should he have allowed the lung biopsy? Should I have gone to see him once more when I had the opportunity? Did I ask him enough questions? Did I talk to him enough? Did I listen to him enough? Did he know really how much I loved him and respected him? Thank God my father accepted Christ a few months before his passing. Thank God I had him as a father at all.

My father was 76 and a cancer survivor for some 13-14 years. He was tough. He was a fighter. But in so many ways, he was a quiet man. How long had he known he was seriously ill before he told others? On the day before his passing, he had such a good day according to my mother. Did he know then? There is so much I don't know. So much I want to know. So much I don't want to know.

My son turned 18 a few weeks after my father's passing. While speaking with my mother, I created a mental list of well over 100 individuals I have known since childhood that have passed away. I suppose now I am in that age where my older relatives will cease to exist. I could easily expand that list to several hundred if I thought about all the people in the communities around where I grew up. Death is common to me now it seems.

When it comes to my own family, I have no living grandfathers or grandmothers. On my father's side, there is only his oldest brother remaining. On my mother's side, only my mother and her younger brother. There are other aunts and another uncle, widows and a widower of my parents' siblings. But my "older family" seems so tiny now, when once it seemed so full.

Like I said, Josh is 18 now. I have for 18 years both looked forward to and dreaded his coming to this age. I never knew if I did enough or did right by him to prepare him for life. He is a senior in high school and doing well. He is well adjusted and for the first time in over a decade, I can honestly say he is a happy person. For so long he was not happy. For so long he was subject to an environment and situations that seemed to drain him. Like he was living with a real-life "dementor" for so many years. For so long he was angry, depressed, and very much not happy. But honestly, he is a totally different person now. More responsible, more confident, and more mature. I am quite proud of my son.

For those that do not read Harry Potter, a "dementor" was a magical creature that would "suck away all the happiness in the world" from a person.

My daughter will turn 16 next week. Likewise I have both looked forward to and dreaded her coming to this age. Same caveats apply with the added issue of I really don't understand the female gender. But she and I have a relationship that is to be envied by other fathers. She entered into the environment of her parents' divorce and her mother leaving unexpectedly as just an unknowing 13 year old kid, barely able to cope with the emotion and drama. And yet she has come out of that situation a delightful and wonderful young lady, more confident and stronger. I am quite proud of my daughter.

And going on two years now, we all are part of a blended family. I have three more daughters, all of them wonderful and delightful. All of them loving daughters of which any man would be envious to claim as his. They too were left by a parent when their father walked out on their mother and them. They too know the heartache of having all the happiness in their world being sucked out when their father left. But they too know the joy of family once more. And all of us are crowded into a house that many would think too small, but we think is adequate. If nothing else, we are all close. It resembles chaos, but we call it living.

I regret that my younger ones, blended in as resplendently has they have been, will never know how awesome my father was. I only hope that the older kids and myself can instill in them the same pride of ancestry and the same admiration for a man that none could ever say was "spotless". In fact, in his day he was quite the rascal, and worse at times. But even in that, there are lessons to be learned. And in maturity with two adult sons of his own, he settled into his role and settled out of the role of rascal. He persevered from sin all the way through to redemption.

Perhaps we all need to learn that lesson of perseverance even when we know we have fallen.

Reading this over, it seems somewhat melancholy. But it was not meant as such. And to that end, allow me to tie at least a few of these strings together.

It was from the lessons I have learned from my family, from my parents, from living, and from friends and relatives dying, that I am who I am. Had these people all not lived and died, I would be different in ways I cannot tell. But because I have known them, I am the better for it.

And so I will endeavor to be the best father I can be and the best husband I can be. I know that in the past I made many mistakes, like my father before me. I also did many things right, like my father before me.

So dad, thanks to you I can be a good father and a good husband. I can do these things because you taught me how, even when you may have not know you were doing it.

And to those that know what this means: watch out for those coal trucks.

Hurry Potter

2007-07-24T17:36:00.001-04:00

That is not a typo. I mean "hurry Potter".

Well, yes Harry Potter hype is so thick you could cut it into greasy chunks and fry it in a pan. It comes in slimy bits, crispy strips, and the soft-center chewy variety as well. There is a lot to read in Harry Potter and I did not get to start until yesterday.

With 4 reading kids (5 kids in all, but the youngest is not there yet) we had to develop a reading schedule to coordinate reading Harry Potter in the house and prevent accidental slip of spoilers. And with my kids, they would release spoilers to each other just for spite when they feel a little mean. But being the oldest, an adult, and because I don't like child prison riots, I knew I would have to wait for kids to finish first.

Now we could have solved the problem by buying one copy per reader. Uhhhhh NO! Nope... No way... Stars... Can't do it... Not today.

So we planned on buying one copy and then my step-daughter's biological dad paid for hers for her birthday which is in a few weeks. So we planned on buying one, and that made two. Actually a much harder scheduling algorithm than when there is only one but I digress.

Anyway, there my step-daughter was Friday night waiting to get her copy at a cozy little bookstore near where we live. This place is kind of small but seriously cool in its smallness. So around 1:00 a.m. she comes back home with her copy from her dad and the one my wife and I bought additionally. And we did not allow reading that night. We made them wait until morning.

By Saturday evening I know the two oldest had finished and my step-daughter was either finished or very nearly. So I decided that when I headed off for the week away from my wife and family for work that I would take one of the copies with me as the scheduling algorithm had simplified itself and I could do so.

But Mr. Forgetful forgot to take it! So I bought another one at Target for $18 and started reading it last night. Since I have to work, staying up through the night and reading it straight was not an option. I needed to sleep. I did read 11 chapters last night though.

My conclusion? This is a good book so far and I can't wait to get further into it. I was "hurrying" last night to read through as much as I could.

So hurry Potter! Lead on, I will read along.

Oh and I have a buyer for my 3rd copy when I am done with it. Handy that.

14 Things I Will Never Do

2007-07-18T10:39:00.001-04:00

1. I will never butter the nose of a panda.
2. I will never eat the moon.
3. I will never spin cotton candy in the Taj Mahal.
4. I will never lick King Tut's mummy toes.
5. I will never transform into a gigantic killer robot from space.
6. I will never play kickball with Captain Kirk.
7. I will never start a global movement to lobby for the emancipation of leeches.
8. I will never carry a suspension bridge in my pocket.
9. I will never count to infinity.
10. I will never drill a hole through the earth with a platypus.
11. I will never polish the rings of Saturn.
12. I will never paint the Washington Monument with neon green highlighters.
13. I will never cross the galaxy on the back of a harmonica-playing otter.
14. I will never regret not doing stupid things.

Been Parking...

2007-06-26T18:30:00.001-04:00

Well, not that kind of parking. Watch your thoughts :-)

Yesterday I took a day off from work to take my wife and kids to a theme park, Carowinds to be precise. Well, not all the kids, just some of them... but we did have a spare one... not that we had a spare kid, but we had an extra kid... well we didn't have another child, sort of borrowed one... ok, let me explain... no, there is too much, let me sum up...

We took the three oldest kids plus the oldest daughter's friend who was visiting from Texas (so that is 5 in all), leaving the youngest two behind. Don't worry folks, the youngest two went today with my wife. They had mom all to themselves. It actually worked out best this way logistically (if you can imagine having 6 kids at the park at the same time ranging in ages from 17 down to 5 you get the idea). So everyone got to go at least once, and 4 of them got to go twice. Ok, yes I know that 2 kids plus 1 mom is 3, but she took the middle child along to help which makes 4, unless you count the spare... this time a friend of the middle child, the second oldest daughter, which makes 5, but she only went once... 5 in all went today.

Are you with me so far?

Now the first thing to realize about any theme park is you pay through the nose to be robbed blind. Seriously. You pay all this money to go to the theme park and they charge lots of $$ for food and drinks. Ask me how much for a Coke... go ahead, ask... oh, I can't hear you, I will just tell you.

$3.85 for a single Coke!!! And that is the same price they have on the Coke vending machine.

By the way, all you Pepsi lovers out there, Carowinds is a Coke place, sorry... well not so sorry... I prefer Coke over Pepsi but I digress.

And if the prices of the drinks were not bad enough, it costs about $10 per person to eat there in any of the places. Remember there was 6 of us, that is $60 for 2 hamburgers, 1 slice of pizza, a chicken sandwich, 2 orders of chicken fingers, and 4 orders of fries with 5 drinks (yes I know there were 6 of us but the oldest daughter only drinks water which is free).

Highway robbery (literally, it sits right off I-77).

But we found the loopholes in the system. You see, every drink stand and food place will give you water for free. Not just water, but a large cup of ice water. And its free! Woot!

Also we found that they have a Chick-Fil-A stand there. If you are content with a chicken sandwich or chicken nuggets and their waffle fries, then you must eat there. Why? Because the prices are the same as outside the park! Kudos, kudos, and more kudos to Truett Cathy and his ethical establishment! They do not rip you off in the park.

No one got sun burned and we all had a good time. As we were leaving the park, a huge thunderstorm came up. Seriously dangerous lightning. Not to be trifled with. Then the horizontal rain started. I was so glad to be in our van by that time.

Most favorite rides? Carolina Goldrusher, Carolina Cyclone, Vortex, and Dodge 'Em bumper cars (seriously I love those!)

Least favorite rides? Hurler (bone jarring wooden coaster - need I say more), Richochet (could give you whiplash!)

Best part of the day? Just being a dad with my kids and a husband to my wife all day long.

For thrill rides, overpriced food, and gasoline, there's MasterCard.
For building family memories: priceless.

Growing Up On Another Planet

2007-06-18T14:06:00.001-04:00

Viewing Earth in 2007, particularly the United States, leaves me astonished. You see, I grew up on another planet and I find it difficult to understand how things here on this planet got into such a state. It seems to me that most things defy logic and serve no real purpose other than to keep politicians (the civil masters) and the civil servants employed and busy. In this post I would like to point out some of the inconsistencies between our two planets.

When I was growing up on my planet, we had bicycles as the youth do here. I used to ride my bike everywhere you could imagine. I rode it on the road, the alley, dirt trails, and anywhere else I wanted to go. There were no "bike paths" that offered protected havens for cyclists. We just rode where we could. And what may astonish those born on this planet is that we had no helmet laws for riding bicycles. All of my childhood friends rode bikes and none wore helmets. We received our share of scratches, bruises, stitches, and other injuries, but we all survived. It might amaze people of this planet that one does not immediately die if they ride a bike without a helmet.

Another fascinating similarity that is different is childhood discipline. On my planet in my childhood years, there was corporal punishment waiting for those that would not follow the rules or insisted on being miscreants. We received spankings, whippings, and some times just a good thrashing and believe it or not, those things did not turn us into violent criminals. Actually, quite the contrary! It was that adamant requirement from our parents for proper behavior that prevented us from being violent criminals! But what I see on this planet is that misbehavior is encouraged by the lack of action on the part of parents. Instead of children being required to be accountable and responsible for their actions, the parents reward their behavior by finding excuses for it. And when there is a dispute between a child and a teacher, this planet requires that the student always prevails. I find that chilling and remarkable. I think the option of a little corporal punishment administered by school officials definitely gets a kid's attention. Well, it did on our planet where the parents cared about the kids' futures.

One thing that dumbfounds me about this planet is that its denizens appear to all believe that no one is responsible for themselves. I can only conclude this because if you stumble on a sidewalk, you assert that it is the fault of the one who happens to have the sidewalk on or near their property and if you eat or drink something too hot and get burned, its the person's fault who gave it to you. Are people from this planet incapable of common sense and thinking for themselves? It appears so. When I am handed a hot drink or hot food, I test it first to see how hot it is. Amazing isn't it? On our planet we were taught to think for ourselves.

And speaking of teaching, why is it that schools on this planet are afraid to give bad grades or (heaven forbid) fail a student? Are children of this planet so sensitive and so fragile that a bad grade will destroy their self-esteem and ruin their futures? Amazingly, when children received bad grades on our planet, they were clued in to the fact that maybe there was something they were missing. And the teachers would proactively try to help those students or get them some help. But alas, on this planet, you dumb down the tests so that "no child is left behind" and in reality, "no child excels" either because all are held back to the least common denominator: the poor students.

But I think the most amazing thing about living on this planet versus growing up on my planet is the "in your face" inconsistency regarding how to treat children. On the one hand, you coddle children even up to they turn 18. This is done by saying that "they are too young to be responsible for themselves" and "we need to protect the helpless children". But then on the other hand, you try to elevate children as young as 4 years old into young adult status by saying things like "don't sell kids short, they can contribute and make a difference" and "children deserve the same respect as adult members of the family regardless of their age". This is blatant and irresponsible inconsistency. How can they be both naive innocents that are not responsible for their own actions and yet their opinions and suggestions should carry the same weight as adults? Either you require them to be responsible at younger ages or you quit requiring adults to be responsible. None of this makes sense. On our planet, children were children and grew into maturity and responsibility, the decisions for how this should be done were firmly the responsibility of the parents, not lawmakers.

And finally, something that seldom if ever was exhibited on my planet as a child was the "pornification" of children. Now I am not referring to child pornography. I am specifically referring to parents allowing their children to dress like sluts, porn stars, and gang members. This seems to be mostly a female child phenomenon. Why do any of you think its cute for your 8 year old daughter to be buying bras and g-strings? Why would any of you think it cute if your 10 year old looks like she stepped off the police lineup with a bunch of hookers? How many of you really want your 14 year old daughter to be wearing a skirt so short, it barely goes below her crotch? Since when did you decide that a boy can wear his pants half way down his legs and let his boxer-short clad rear end show? Why is it OK to let your kids watch trash on TV where they see adults dress like prostitutes and gang members and then encourage that by buying them the same kind of clothing? Do you really have no regard for your kids? I don't get it. I really don't get it.

This planet is a large source of amusement, astonishment, shock, and sometimes even pleasure. But this planet is not the one I grew up on. And the most amazing thing of all is it seems like the more you tinker with the system, the worse it gets. When will the majority of you wake up and realize you are not fixing things, you are in reality the ones who broke them? Sometimes I wish I could get back to my home planet, this one is broken.

Happy Father's Day

2007-06-17T16:01:00.000-04:00

This is for my father who is recovering from open heart surgery and lung complications.

Happy Father's Day dad!

Hurry up and get well. Mom is driving us crazy :-)

(p.s. That's a joke mom, no really, it is)

Me transmitte sursum, Caledoni!

2007-05-21T17:21:00.001-04:00

The last few weeks have been amazingly stressful. I am ready to leave the planet on the next warp-capable space ship. Or simply welcome the end of time when skies roll back and Jesus gathers His sheep. Either will do.

My father is in the hospital recovering from quadruple heart bypass surgery. Additionally, they replaced a heart valve, fixed another valve, corrected arrhythmia, did a flush and fill, changed the spark plugs and oil, and tuned the carburetor. And after all this, there is still an overhaul of the air breather to come.

Ok, well, maybe they did not do all that last part. But they DID do the heart stuff. And the fact remains that he is still in ICU a week after the surgery. He has had trouble with lungs and oxygen intake and even had a close call with congestive heart failure at least once (that I know of). Yes, it has really been a stressful week.

So I sit here about 300 miles away with only sparse phone contact to keep me updated. Honestly speaking, I don't know that I would really want to hear all the scary details of each day. Sometimes its best to just hear the summaries. But I wish I could be there with my mother. But still, I have to work. I MUST keep my job to feed my family of seven. I am thankful my brother has been there and has been exceedingly helpful.

Still, these things bother me.

And how do you deal with these kinds of stress? Well, people have different ways of dealing with stress, but when I don't do something, my ADD brain kicks into overdrive and refuses to slow down. The result is near panic attacks with intense stress. These things are not really good on the body and so I have found a few ways to relieve stress.

You know I would like to say the first thing I do is pray. I would like to say that. But it seems I often forget to pray for stress release. But when I do, God is faithful. Sometimes He just calms me directly. Other times He points me to something else that calms me.

The next thing is to just sit with my wife and be with her. That calms me so much. We have been married nearly a year and a half now and truly if feels like we have known each other for much longer - in a good way. She knows me well. She pays attention and seems to know what to do to help me. Likewise, I do all I can to really know her and be there for her when she needs me. It truly is a God-given partnership. It is unlike anything either of us have experienced in the past in our former marriages.

The problem is that I am about 225 miles away from my wife most days because of my job. That makes being with her a logistical nightmare most week days.

And another thing I do is to listen to music. Not just any music, but music that is positive, upbeat, and does not bear anger, angst, or sorrow. Mostly I am speaking of Christian music in this category. Just today I was listening to some country music, some rock music, and some pop music. But none of those really helped. So that was when I cranked up the Newsboys. I could literally feel the stress and tension begin to evaporate as my mind turned closer toward God.

And finally, I use outright escapism. I play video games and get lost in their virtual worlds. Is this the best thing to do? Arguably no. But if nothing else brings about stress reduction, I see it as a reasonable alternative to doing nothing and a much superior alternative to medication.

And when I am not playing video games and running around with my virtual self, I am often found working on a fantasy novel. In my head I run off to a world of elves, dwarves, orcs, and other things that most people don't normally think about. In that world, problems are difficult but solvable. And the problems that cannot be solved are merely part of the ecosystem of the story environment.

But for now, as I write this, the Newsboys are playing in my Amarok music player through my headphones and I am quite calm and the stress is drastically reduced. But after work, I will be cruising around a virtual world destroying monsters and leveling up my virtual persona.

Yes, life is better with electronics. Or at least a pen and paper.

Waiting

2007-05-17T01:20:00.000-04:00

Waiting is not something that is easy for most people to do, or at least do it well. Waiting implies some degree of patience and humans have never been considered the most patient of creatures. And when it comes to waiting, humans have a vast array of different ways of dealing with waiting.

I was forced to dwell on this topic this past week as I had to experience waiting firsthand. And not just any waiting, but the "real serious kind of waiting" that many people wished they never had to experience. I spent an entire day this week waiting in the open heart surgery waiting room while my own father underwent open heart surgery.

Sitting there with my mother, my brother, my aunt and uncle, a cousin, and various others throughout the day, each one of them displayed very different ways of dealing with waiting. Specifically, this was waiting with nervousness, and part of their response to waiting is infused with anxiety to various levels.

The first example to note was my mother. As it was her husband of 49 years in surgery, her anxiety meter was pegged and so her waiting was a weird mixture of nervousness, frustration, stress, sleep deprivation, and her own sustained attempt to hold to her faith that God would deliver her through this. She mostly sat in one place. She was distracted and listened intently anytime the staff called out a family name. Her waiting was deliberate yet obviously difficult to maintain patience.

The next example that struck me was my uncle (my mother's only living brother). He could not sit still and often he had to stand and walk. He did not pace, he just walked from area to area and back, then sit down for a while. He was also quiet and did not talk as much as the rest of us. He normally is not one to be very talkative, but in his waiting, it seemed to me that he talked less than what I remembered of him. His waiting was a suspenseful meandering kind of waiting.

Similar to my uncle was my brother. He also could not sit as long as the others and walked often. But he differed in that he combined his walking with some supposed task as to make it seem natural for him to walk around. I believe that he did not want our mother to know just how nervous he was, so he was using some attempt at subterfuge to mask his nervousness. His was a denied waiting to some extent.

Then there was my father's first cousin. She sat, mostly in one place, with almost a stoic reality. She was calm on the outside, but as she spoke, you could see the emotions swirling just behind the surface. She spoke a lot of old times. She recalled past events and situations that brought some humor and good feelings to all of us. Her waiting was one that maintained hope, both to convince herself and others I believe.

My aunt's version of waiting was quite similar to my own in that we talk to distract. It seemed to me that in her waiting, she talked to my mother at length to keep her distracted so that she did not dwell on the negatives. She also sought to reassure her own husband in the process. Her waiting was both helpful and hopeful.

And that leaves me. My waiting was a non-stop barrage of words as I sought to distract myself and others from the current seriousness of the situation. I sincerely wanted to exude confidence and hope for everyone else while at the same time keeping myself distracted from the negative possibilities. I have no idea if I achieved anything close to that. Being ADD myself (seriously), it was easy for me to distract myself. I may have just annoyed others.

In the end, we all waited there for most of that day. There were shared and private prayers. There were stories shared and recalled at length.
This was one of those experiences that a family goes through that stretches them in many different ways. And in the end, our family, at least the part represented there that day, were lifting each other up and showing that family is a powerful thing.

This is not said to slight those that could not be there. We knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that other members of family were praying for my father and my mother in this time. Yes family is a good and powerful thing. It is a shame that in 2007 family is not held as high in importance as it once was, even just a generation ago.

After we all exercised our waiting skills all day, we finally heard from the surgeon about my father. A quadruple bypass was completed, one heart valve replaced, another heart valve was fixed, and the heart rhythm was restored. The surgery was a success and as I write this, my father is in ICU recovering from his open heart surgery.

Today we visited him for short durations (as long as the staff would allow) and he was doing very well. He even had his wits about him and joked bit with us.

There is still more waiting to be done. The doctors also found a cancerous mass in his right lung and biopsied it. We are still waiting on the lab results to determine more about this mass. We also must wait for his body to heal and watch his strength and stamina return to him.

And what is my father doing right now in ICU? He is waiting of course.

Underdogs and Hackers

2007-04-27T09:08:00.001-04:00

The other day I was recalling the wild and woolly days of the computing industry before there was Internet, before there was Windows, before there were anti-virus scanners, and before there was such wide-spread adoption of computing technology. In those days, "normal" people did not have computers. And as college students, we had access to the computing frontier. We knew how to ride the range and avoid the sheriff so to speak.

It is because of those days and the "experimentation" that people like me engaged in that we have such concern for computer security now. But back then, there were entire computing systems that were accessed with a username only, no password. We cruised through the mainframes from our serial terminals and dial up modems and explored the vast reaches of the university networks. We wrote software to access things we should not, do things the system was not capable of, and invented the computing industry along the way.

Yes, we were hackers.

But we actually wanted that title and accepted it with pride. You see, in the early days, the "establishment" created computing systems for really boring reasons, like business. We used the spare computing power of those systems as a playground for learning and honing our skills. If you were labeled a "hacker" it meant you had respect from your peers for your skills. It was a good thing. The vast majority of the "hackers" in those days did little mischief, mostly they were just seeking the thrill of making something exceed its original specification.

The term hacker was commandeered by the media to be used as a negative label for criminals. But in its inception, it was not a negative term. Arguably, now it is.

Mastering a mainframe time-sharing system was no small trick. There were many nuances of the command line environment. And we created new environments from the primitives offered until we had our own little villages. I would not dare call them castles as nothing was that permanent. We were constantly changing and evolving our environments. The goal was not to create an environment to use, the goal was to learn about creating environments and to expand continually. It was the journey and not the destination that was the reward.

Over the years I have watched the computing industry flex, grow, change, and even cycle. Once upon a time everything was centralized at a mainframe and all access was from connected "dumb" terminals. They were called dumb because they could only display text and accept text from a keyboard. Then things changed with the advent of personal computers when IBM, Apple, and a smattering of others came on the scene. And over time, things evolved to being de-centralized and distributed across a number of smaller computers, like personal computers.

But as the business requirements grew, and so did this little thing called the Internet, there was movement to bring business processing back into centrally managed server farms with remote access from personal computers. The personal computers ran applications that communicated with the central servers and since they were no longer doing all the heavy lifting, companies started introducing "thin clients" that were less expensive personal computers, and somewhat limited in features. Thus the personal computer essentially became "dumb" terminals once more, but now you could play Solitaire and Winmine.

Then someone noticed all that computing power going to waste and the migration toward distributed computing began again. I honestly don't know where it has most recently arrived. Are we distributed, centralized, or just some mish-mash? I think that since it is so confusing we are probably at some mish-mash state.

And now, the computing industry faces the biggest threat to date. A threat that exceeds all worries of virus attacks, trojans, worms, security attacks, or even spam. This threat is nothing less than the market dominance of one company, Microsoft. It does not matter which company is dominant, when there is only one primary player, you have a monopoly, and that has never been a good thing. There is no such thing as a benevolent monopoly.

And everywhere you look, every product, software tool, or gadget is compatible with Microsoft Windows, and many if not most are only compliant with Windows. And since that is what most people use, it makes perfect sense. No one would sell MP3 players that only connected to obscure computers running obscure operating systems. That would be bad business. So the problem kind of self-propagates. As products tend toward supporting only the MS Windows platform, there is little desire to use any other platform by users. Well, at least the majority of users.

Which brings me finally to the point of this post. You see, all those devices that are "Windows only", well that makes people like me think "why?" Or more precisely "what prevents it being used on something else?" And so we look to find ways to connect those devices to other platforms, most notably the Linux operating system. And so the hackers take gadgets and devices apart, they tinker, and they write software or possibly even warm up the soldering iron. And usually they get the system to do something it was never intended to do. They get the Windows only gadgets to do things like connect and communicate with Linux.

All of this makes Linux an underdog in a Windows world.

I use Linux in my job and on my laptop. Its not that I don't think Windows XP is a good operating system (well its nominal and Vista is too new to be known well) and its not that I think Microsoft is evil (even though they are a convicted monopoly that still has not lived up to their court sentences), its just that its a return to those wild and woolly days long ago. There is more to explore and learn about operating systems, networks, software technology, and technical "stuff" in Linux than you could ever discover in Windows.

Microsoft Windows packages a set of tools that do a set of tasks that most people find useful. It also provides a platform for software companies to write application software. But I find it amusing that when confronted with a task that varies from the set of supported features that most just give up and say "it doesn't do that". And they are probably right. Windows embodies a "point solution" approach. What that means is that Windows application software is written to do a specific job. And thus when the jobs are not what is expected, you have to find another point solution for that job.

But in the Linux world, software is typically written as a set of building blocks that can be recombined and reconfigured and connected in different ways to accomplish tasks that were never anticipated. And this brings out the hacker in me. Not an evil hacker, the original good hacker that seeks to make a system do things it was never intended. Its a return to the wild and woolly days in a way. Except this time around, the frontier is much larger. But the number of explorers ( i.e. hackers) is larger also.

I have spent the last 24 years in the computing industry starting in college in 1983. And over that time I have seen amazing advancement and evolution of computing technology and software. I have learned more and forgotten more than I ever anticipated. It seems that the more I learn, the less I know. Its just that as I learn more, I become more aware of all that I do not know. So I continue to learn and hack and play with computers.

After all, its only software :-)

Deep Thoughts From The Farm Well

2007-04-03T16:38:00.001-04:00

As it happens while living, occasionally a deep thought is verbalized from any of the five kids, and sometimes the parents. Lately we have been talking about deep thoughts and some of the things that are said that are so descriptive, or at least indicative of our family. So for posterity's sake, I have decided to write just a few of these down.

Granted, there is nothing earth-shaking here. Just thoughts expressed in and around our home.

"That's so random."

I think this phrase is said by my eldest daughter nearly daily, and for good reason! There are so many random things said and done in our home. She, as a teenager, finds the things a 5 year old, or a 41 year old, doing and saying to be completely random. Well sometimes they are, other times, its just teen-itis.

"Dog loves you."

I often refer to our coon hound Millie simply as "dog". One day Millie came up and wanted attention from my son. He was petting her and I said "Dog loves you." Maybe its just me but I think there is a deep thought in there when you think about it.

"Small children on a trampoline are static in motion."

Think about it a moment, if you need to.

"I don't want a tornado to come around."

Said by our official family worrier, the 9 year old. Surely I am not the only one that sees the ironic humor in this. She finds something to worry about daily.

"Pimp my tree."

Said by me in regard to the high pollen count this spring. Think about it.

"Hound dogs smell!"

Its just the way it is. They can and do smell. I have a coon hound to prove it.

"That vacuum sucks!"

A winner of the most obvious award.

"If scissors could run, should they?"

Think about it. I ask this of people I meet and I either get odd looks or a confident and quick answer.

Spring Training

2007-03-19T14:27:00.001-04:00

The cool breeze blew against the heat on my back and head as I stood in the afternoon sun. The clear skies provided no resistance to the brilliance of golden sunshine in these waning days of winter. As Spring officially comes a mere few days away, the plants and animals have not waited for our interpretation of seasons, but have followed more accurately the marks of time passing in nature and have exploded in a plethora of sensations.

Flowers, shrubs, and trees are erupting in buds and their scented petals permeate all outside spaces. Even the grass seems to take on a richer color and texture and though the trees still have no leaves, there is scattered shade casting patterns over the ground lending its design to the dramatic scene. As the chill of winter abates and the browns and grays of winter are arrayed in magnificent greens of seemingly infinite shades and hues, everything I see is catapulted from the ordinary to the extraordinary.

Winter, in its subdued veil, lacks the vibrancy and the exuberance of Spring through its season of sleep. And now, the land is waking up. All around the signs of life are in abundant evidence, filling up the void of the cold that has preceded the past few months. Birds, squirrels, rabbits, and all manner of forest creatures are moving about and welcoming the return of Spring.

Looking around in the quiet of a country life, you feel comforted that all is as it should be. Life returns, and breathing deeply in the clean Spring air, you not only see life return to the land, you can actually feel it.

Standing there in this scene, I don an old leather ball glove, its feel is smooth and worn with the smell of the old leather tickling memories in my brain as I hold it to my head to shade my eyes a moment. Standing across from me, one of my little girls stands with glove on and ball in hand. It' is again softball season in our rural wonderland.

My 9 yo asked me Friday afternoon to throw with her this weekend. And I would not let such an opportunity pass. It seems that time is precious in my current stage of life. Working through the week away from the house and having only the weekends to achieve true quality time with the family, life has become an act of artful balance, and I don't always stay balanced. But I try.

And so on Sunday afternoon, amidst the beauty of the world around me, there was the unmistakable "thwack" of a softball connecting directly into a ball glove while an exuberant 5 yo bounced in near continuity on the trampoline. A little while passed and the rest of the family returned from drama team practice at church. And so I was now joined by my wife and my 11 yo daughter who put on gloves and we created a throwing pattern of all four of us.

After watching this a short while, my 15 yo daughter, who is not sports minded, asked to join in. Since she is completely new to throwing and catching, something she never had an interest in when younger, we included her in and I helped her refine her throwing and catching. It wasn't long until she was really doing quite well for a beginner.

My 17 yo son came outside once to cast some word of wisdom to us all and then disappeared back into the house, presumably into his teen cave that is remarkably similar to a bedroom. I think he may have been hoping a football or frisbee was part of the equipment. Seeing none, he didn't linger long.

But you know, the point of my being there was not to throw the ball, or to catch it. That was just something to do. It was an activity that was essentially stress free, fun to do, but kind of pointless in the grand scheme of things.

No, it was not for the sake of softball I was there. The reason why I was out there with my family doing this activity, was to be with my family, to share something of their life with them, to listen to them, talk with them, and love them all. I was there to be with them and let them know they are important to me and they are loved by me.

As I said, maintaining the artful balance is the goal, but it is not always something I do well. But I am trying, and I am learning. As a husband and a father, I understand my role is not only critical in the family, but it is something that I am required to do. God gave me this family and one does not have to search too hard in the Bible to find His instruction to the husbands and fathers.

And this weekend God gave me this beautiful weather, the time, and the understanding so that I was without excuse and without need of one. Standing there Sunday afternoon with a ball glove on was where I was supposed to be that afternoon. I was here for my own Spring training.

There is something exceedingly comforting and peaceful when you know where you are supposed to be and what you supposed to be doing. And when you are there doing it, there is abundant joy to be found.

The Firing Range

2007-03-12T17:10:00.000-04:00

I remember growing up in a rural setting well. From even before I ever went to school, I was taught by my father how to properly respect and handle firearms. I remember all my years of growing up with guns how my father would tell me how to properly hold a firearm, how to clean it, and how to always treat a gun as if it is loaded. I think he did rather well and I am thankful my father took such care with me in dealing respectfully with firearms.

For example, I remember back when I was but about 5 years old. My father brought out a shotgun to let me shoot it - the specific one does not come to mind at this time, after all I was only 5! So there I sat, in front of my father on the steel rails of the railroad tracks while he held the weight of the gun and I aimed and fired. And my target? Well it was the trash barrel out behind the company doctor's office of course :-)

So there we were shooting up the good doctor's trash barrel out behind his office, from the railroad tracks, aiming and shooting across a public road.

Ah yes... good times.... good times...

And other times we would go back into the hills and set up targets of various kinds - like glass bottles, boxes, jugs filled with water, nearly anything you could think of as a target. And we would stand beside the truck, sit in the bed of the truck, or just stand off to the side and practice our aim. We would shoot everything from small caliber handguns and rifles, to large caliber rifles, to shotguns of various gauges from 410 to 12.

For example there was this one time that my father was helping me improve my aim with a .22 caliber rifle (a small caliber if you don't know). I was just a boy, I think around 10 or so. So my father told me to "lean over the hood of the truck" to steady my aim. But when I tried, I was so short, I could not see well. "Dad, I can't see it too good." I would say. And after a few iterations of that my father said "Just shoot the target!". There may have been a few choice words there. Honestly, I don't remember :-)

So I gently squeezed the trigger and "KAPOW-FWUNK!" There was this horrible noise and my mother who was sitting in the cab of the truck at the time (she was a bit more nervous around guns I think), was looking wide-eyed with her mouth open. Apparently with the "KAPOW" there was a corresponding shaking of the vehicle with the "FWUNK".

And there I stood, staring in amazement at the fact that the old Ford pickups had a "slight" ridge in the center of the hood. This particular hood now had a really nice, deep, round dent in it.

"You shot my truck!" said my dad, equally amazed. And from inside the cab my mom cut any reprisal short when she said "I don't want to hear one word! He told you he couldn't see but you wouldn't listen."

So for the next few awkward moments I stood there with the sinking feeling that I may well not live out the night. My dad looked at mom, my mom looked at him. They both looked at me. Then we all looked at the hole. When we realized how bad things could have gone with a ricochet bullet as we all stood around there, we packed up our stuff and left for home.

Ah yes... good times... good times... :-)

Over the following years I got bigger guns and better aim. I also got a lot taller. I was a little runt at 10. I never shot another truck, well... at least not like that... I had purpose in shooting them later... and I always remember proper firearm safety because really, he did a fantastic job teaching me.

So in the past year, I started teaching my son and daughter firearm safety. My son has been shooting a few times before, but it wasn't until my father gave him a .22 Hornet that he now owns his own gun and really likes to shoot it. I wanted to start with him years ago, but living in modern suburbia people tend to complain when they hear gunshots from your backyard. No really they do. I couldn't believe it either.

And so now, living on the farm, I take my son and my daughters (I picked up a gaggle of small females when I got married), and we set up some targets just away from the house so we shoot into a hillside. We mostly use 2 liter soda bottles filled with water, but we also shoot trees, twigs, boxes, anything we can get our hands on.

And so the other day, there we sat, my son and I, on the back porch. I took an old computer monitor down into the woods, set in place as a target, handed my son a full box of shells, and I said "see what you can do with that thing, but you have to clean up the mess". He had a blast shooting holes in the monitor tube, then blowing off chunks of the housing. I brought out a 20 gauge and loaded a lead slug shell into it. The resulting hole into, through, and out the backside, blowing a cloud of plastic dust everywhere, was well worth it.

Ah yes... good times... good times... :-)

But I will never, not once, tell my son or daughters "just lean over the hood of the car to steady your aim." I think we already covered that lesson.

Under Cover

2007-03-12T15:36:00.000-04:00

Not too long ago I purchased a used vehicle. I needed something more reliable than the aging Volvo I bought last year. Now while the Volvo was a good $1100 car, it was just that, a 1990 model car that cost a mere $1100. And now it has a long line of issues, not the least of which is I had to disable all heat and AC because the car's computer is totally whacked.

But you know what, with a mere 260,000 miles under its belt, it just needs some attention and that Volvo could give another 260,000 miles easily. But I think its time the Volvo went on to its hardest assignment yet: it has become the "teen car", and my teenage kids will drive it... or at least what's left of it... until there is nothing left of it. Yes, its on its last legs.

So what did I buy? Good question.

I really wanted to get some kind of pickup truck. I still wish I had my old pickup truck - a 1993 Chevy S10 pickup that had been through 3 significant accidents and was still going strong. However, I had to give up the pickup and my dog in the divorce in 2005. Dang I miss that truck and that dog.

So I looked around at used small pickups. Over priced and under-powered was the norm. I looked at some of the bigger ones. I am left with one question: how does a poor man afford a pickup in 2007? Everything is so expensive. Why is it I could get a used caddy cheaper than a used F-150?

Well, I guess there's something women like about a pickup man. And equally it seems there's something men like about a pickup woman.

So my wife and I were out looking at car lots, just casually mind you, when we saw it. The car. It was kind of unassuming, with its darker than dark tinted windows and blackwall tires with no hubcaps. A Chevy Impala sitting there all innocent and quiet.

"It is a former police car" said the salesman.

"Done!" Oh man, the cool factor kicked in and I bought that thing, complete with interceptor engine. Yeah, I was hooked simply by its former life.
And now, when I drive it on the Interstate, many people see me coming up behind them and they either simply slow down, or get out of the way. It DOES look like a police car, at least in the rear-view mirror.

All I need now are some fake antennas on the trunk and to hang my jacket by the rear seat window.

Wood Smoke

2006-12-13T11:09:00.000-05:00

It is the time of year when the days grow cold and the nights even colder. The sun shines less and the dark of night stays longer. Each night it seems there are not enough covers or blankets on the bed. And in the morning, a walk outside startles you awake all the more. The air is crisp and dry. And everywhere you look, you see the trees, naked against the cold, with a carpet of fallen leaves all around. You see squirrels and birds picking through the remnants of summer's feast on the ground.

The air is crisp and dry. And as you breathe in the cold air, you smell that familiar smell of wood smoke. It is the time of year when the smell of wood smoke does not bring alarm, but evokes thoughts of warmth, of security, and of home. It is a smell that during the height of summer could generate fear and concern. But now, it is calm assurance that somewhere, someone is being warmed by burning wood.

All of our neighbors have a fire of some kind going. Some in fireplaces and some in wood stoves. We have a wood stove in a basement den and started using it about a week ago. The warmth of a fire in a cold house is something that just makes you feel good, all the way down to the bone.

I like starting the fire. Splitting some kindling, getting a small fire going at first, and then watching it until it is ready for bigger pieces of wood. And then as you build it up, you decide how much of a fire you want. So you add the wood in the right ways to get just enough warmth, a little warmer, hot, roaring, or "seventh level" as my son puts it, which is nearly painfully hot.

Our wood burning stove has solid doors that close. I wish it had a fire screen and we could leave the doors open while we sit in front of it. There is something peaceful and relaxing about watching the fire. I am not sure what it is, but we sat in front of the open doors last night and watched it for a while. I built it to be just enough warmth at the time. That way I felt comfortable with the doors open. A couple sparks dropped harmlessly onto the brick hearth, but in all, it was tame.

Usually, however, the doors remain closed during use. Each time we open the doors of the stove to check the fire or add wood, a plume of wood smoke comes out into the room. It then gets caught by the fan and drawn into the air conditioning system where we can smell it throughout the house. I like that. A little whiff of wood smoke is simply nice to have. Too much and we are probably in trouble.

So in this season of cold, if you are blessed with a fireplace or wood burning stove, you ought to get a fire going, watch the burning wood with someone you love, and smell the aroma of wood smoke.

Come to think of it, I have to go check the fire right now. It probably needs built up again. Of course, since I like doing that, its not really work. And I will get to smell the wood smoke.

Grass in the Alley

2006-12-11T14:13:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago I traveled "home" to have Thanksgiving with my parents. This was the first time my two teenage children have ever been to see my parents for Thanksgiving. This year is the first Thanksgiving in our new family, a blended family, one created from the remains of two families.

It was about two years ago that my ex-wife told me she was leaving. At that time she told me that she was taking both children with her. Things however turned out differently than she had planned. Her actions and inactions caught up with her and both kids made it clear they were staying with me.

It was also over two years ago that in another family over 1000 miles away told his wife and his daughters that he was leaving. This left a mother and three little girls alone while he went on to move in with another woman.

So there we were, two broken families, two lonely hurting people, and a total of five hurting children, fearful of the future and angry at the past and present. But we were over 1000 miles apart and we did not even know of the existence, or plight, of each other.

But God, in His mercy, brought these two lonely hurting people together, using technology to span the gap of distance and cross the bounds of our local areas. And in a quickness of time and events that defy natural explanation, we married after only a few months since first meeting in that first email exchange.

So here we are, over a year later, a blended family of seven total. Amy loving wife gladly agreed that we could have Thanksgiving with my parents. And instead of spending my time thinking of past Thanksgivings and my years growing up in that house, I couldn't help but think of the Thanksgivings to come. I look forward to those years to come with my dear wife and this zany blended family.

I took a walk outside with my son and as I walked around the house one morning, he went back inside to see his grandmother and I walked out to the back alley that comes down behind the one row of houses there. I walked up the alley studying how time has changed it. Once it was well graveled and well traveled. Now it was showing the obvious signs of a lack of traffic. This back alley once had many cars, pickups, and bicycles moving on it each day. But time has changed this alley and this whole community.

What I most noticed about the alley was the grass growing on it. As I thought on this, I remembered many of the times as a kid I repaired that alley and kept the grass at bay. I used to be seen often with a wheelbarrow and shovel going up and down the alley, fixing holes and fighting problems. Often I would even correct situations before they became a problem, like keeping the stream cleared out that flowed behind the alley.

As I thought about this a while, I decided that I don't really mind the grass growing on that back alley. While I know that if nothing is done, the grass could eventually overtake the gravel and the alley would fall into disrepair. But that grass covers the past and creates opportunities for others to make new repairs of their own. And these repairs were indeed being done. The upper end of the alley had a good load of new gravel on it. The stream behind the alley had been cleared to prevent it from overflowing into the alley, a frequent problem I fought for years. And many mistakes of the past had been covered, repaired, or simply replaced.

The slow march of time continues on, unstoppable and unabated by any of our efforts. But over time, we are constantly building the road of life ahead of us. And when the grass appears behind us, it is merely covering the road we have come so that we don't try to go back. That grass covers the old road of our past.

In my own life, my road had fallen into disrepair and the grass was catching up to me. I did not have much good road ahead of me. That was when I started to work on my road again in earnest. That was when my grass covered road came to an intersection with another grass covered road, the one my dear wife was on. And together we are building a new road and work diligently to ensure the grass does not grow up around our feet, but stays firmly behind us, where it belongs.

So as the grass grows on all these old roads, it covers the old life each of us walked in a blanket of green. It covers the mistakes, the holes, the rough spots, and even the smooth parts. I really don't mind the grass growing on our old roads. That grass holds the past in place behind us and make the road backwards impassable.

Our job each day is to keep our road ahead maintained. We are to patch the holes, smooth over the rough spots, and sometimes just enjoy the ride, whether bumpy or smooth. So we let the grass grow in the past, but we keep the road of today and tomorrow clear.

I am blessed because I don't have to work on my road alone. I have my wife and this wonderful, chaotic, and loving family all working together. I know that one by one, they will each set off to build roads of their own. I pray that I have shown them enough so they know how to build and maintain their road. And eventually, like my parents, it will be just the two of us, my wife and I, with wheelbarrows and shovels, together, still building and maintaining our shared road.

Is Boba Fett Scottish?

2006-12-01T13:33:00.000-05:00

It has been quite a while since I last wrote an update to this blog. Probably because this has been a very unusual summer and every time I thought of something to write, I had about 30 things come to mind all at once. So I kept putting it off. But finally, I need to write something. This one is from an event a few weeks ago, but still very much in my mind.

Some time ago I wrote of my first time going to a Renaissance Faire. It was strange, wonderful, and in general entertaining. Well, it had been over a year since I had been to one and my wife and I took the whole family over to Charlotte to the Carolina Renaissance Festival. This was the first time for my three step-daughters, but my own son and daughter were becoming old hands at it now.

Everyone decided to dress up a bit to get into the spirit of things. Well, everyone except me. My son wore the full length hooded cloak my wife made for him, my daughters all wore some kind of attire that reeked of antiquity, and even my wife wore a strange skirt and the blouse that she wouldn't typically wear (hey, its the Renaissance Festival, use your imagination). I wore blue jeans, tennis shoes, a tee shirt, and my "mosquito" shirt over that. I would try to describe the mosquito shirt, but you should really be drinking first to appreciate the description.

We all had a good time. We let the three older kids wander around a bit on their own while my wife and I kept the two younger ones busy. We saw some old favorites, the amazing candle carving guy, London Broil, and a few others. We also saw an act I had not seen before that was hilarious, the Tortuga Twins. We laughed at those three guys (yes 3, yes they call themselves the Tortuga Twins, no I do not know why) almost non-stop. They had to warn parents that as the day progressed, they got drunker and naughtier. We saw the first show of the day. The last must have been a trip.

Throughout the day we saw fools, knights, elves, sprites, pixies, knaves, and probably even a few highwaymen. We saw the regular assortment of corseted maids jiggling their bosoms as renaissance maids are known to do. We saw belly dancers (Jewels of the Caravan) and musicians. We saw gawkers and hawkers, lookers and hookers. We saw everything you can imagine seeing at a Renaissance Festival. And then we saw something I never expected to see at a Renaissance Festival.

I saw a storm trooper wearing a kilt.

Yes. A storm trooper wearing a kilt. I know its sounds like it, but I never touched the king's ale, I swear. It was a guy wearing a storm trooper helmet and upper armor, and a plaid kilt. For those of you with nothing better to do and are seriously AR, it was a green plaid with dark blue.

So I felt my day at the Renaissance Festival was complete. I saw the glimpses of the Renaissance and I saw glimpses of the Empire, all in the same day, all at the same place.

Geek heaven don't ya think?

Well, a couple of weeks later I chaperoned one of my daughter's class trips to the very same Renaissance Festival. I knew that nothing could outdo seeing Boba McFett, but I did see something different.

There it was. About 10 feet tall. An Ent.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, the Ents came marching one by one. Now if any of you do not know what an Ent is, well, its a walking tree and I don't know why you continued to read this far if you did not know as this entire thing is... well... geeky... in all aspects. And geeks know what Ents are.

Ah, Renaissance Festivals and Faires. Never is man privileged to see more jiggling cleavage and not have his wife drag him out of the place than at the Faire. Not that I was looking though. I just bring it up to make a point. Really.

Eating cooked meat off a stick or right off the bone. Speaking in pseudo-Old English with really bad accents. Spending too much money. And walking through mud.

Yeah. Simply awesome.

School Starts!

2006-08-25T07:18:00.000-04:00

At long last school starts today in our little neck of the woods. It has been an interesting summer being home every day with all these kids, all the mess, and all the activity. I must say it has been fun, full, and noisy. To some people I am sure the chaos, whining, groaning, driving, running, fetching, forgetting, spontaneous insanity, and hormonal meltdowns that accompany raising a house full of kids from teens to pre-k would be enough to make you want to cover your ears and run screaming into the forest to hide until fall. Well I only did that a couple of times.

They found me both times.

But now school is starting and all the kids are headed back to school. Even the little one starts preschool in a week or so, and she has already started her daily visits to her grandmother and grandfather. So this morning my wife is off to her school to teach (they started a couple of weeks ago), the little one is off to see grandma, and my three bus riders are on their way to school.

So here I sit in the quiet house ready to start the day, the noise and chaos are off to their daily destinations. Now I can work.

It's funny, but the first thing I want to do is turn on music to break the quiet and dispel the urge to return to bed and sleep an extra hour. I have been looking forward to this day for some weeks now.

So one may ask, do I now miss the noise of a full house?

Are you crazy? Give me a couple weeks and I am sure I will miss it a bit. But for now, I want to enjoy the quiet time.

This is not to be considered in any way, shape, or form that I do not love each of them, because I certainly do. But I really needed a break before I would break.

One day, all this will just be memory. All the kids will be gone and each summer day will be just my wife and I. And yet the chaotic echoes of raising these precious children will bounce around in our heads all of our days. We must do the best we can now because the time is short.

But for now, maybe I will sleep that extra hour.

Brand Names

2006-08-05T11:57:00.000-04:00

This morning I had to sharpen the blades on my riding mower. I don't know how to take the mower deck off so I had to take the blades off while attached. But the deck was too close to the ground to get in there. It was too heavy to lift up by hand and put on blocks. So I needed to get my car jack.

Now it occurred to me that what I was doing seemed just kind of funny. Well it did to me, maybe not anyone else, but I smiled just thinking about the oddness of the brand name situation.

I was jacking up my John Deere riding mower using my Volvo jack. I used my Craftsmen socket wrenches to take the blades off the mower and sharpen them on my Black and Decker bench grinder.

And now I am sitting here drinking Lipton iced tea I made, out of a Coca-Cola glass, typing on an Acer laptop, looking at school supplies bearing Crayola, Staples, Expo, Bic, TI, and other brand names.
We are inundated with brand names every day. Some have even come into everyday English to be used as a common name for something. I go to a restaurant and order a Coke. I may get Coca-Cola, Pepsi, or even RC (only in the South it seems). I at times use a crescent wrench to remove a bolt, even though it is an adjustable wrench made by some other manufacturer. I take a tylenol though it bears the Equate brand.

Generically, inline skates are all called Rollerblades, no matter who manufactures them. Most times people refer to cellophane tape as Scotch tape, regardless of the manufacturer. How about all those Sharpies? What about those jeans, are they really Levi's? And the list goes on.

Well, I think I will just eat some dark chocolate M&M's and forget the whole thing. I have to go Google something anyway.

Bent Nails and Old Hammers

2006-07-29T16:52:00.000-04:00

I have not had anything to post during this summer season. I don't know why. Either there is nothing noteworthy to talk about, or there were too many things to talk about and I couldn't choose just a few. But today is different. There was nothing noteworthy, just a memory. It was just a reflection is all, but a good one.

Today, my wife and I went down to the pasture to see the horses. We have been busy for a few days and had not checked on them in about a week. They have more than enough pasture to graze in and plenty of water so there was no concern over them having those things. And they were still plump as before. Apparently they eat well.

So we walked back up the hill to the barn and saw that a fence on one of the run-ins had been damaged. Apparently one or more of the horses decided they wanted to nibble something in the run-in and loosed a couple of the fence boards. Actually one was completely broken in two.

I retrieved the hammer from the barn and pulled the nails from the boards. I wanted to make sure we did not have any loose nails on the ground that could injure a horse's hoof. I could not find the box of nails to put the board back up. So I did what anyone else would do in my situation, I straightened the bent nails so I could re-use them.

Now to some, that may seem mundane, and not even worth mentioning. But to me, I immediately was catapaulted back to my childhood. I remember well the day I was busy hammering some nails into a pile of boards when I was about 8 or 9 and I bent the few nails I had. I don't remember what I was making, but I remember what happened next.

My father would pay a local black man to cut the grass. He was the husband of the woman that my mother hired to be a nanny at times for me and my brother. They were Reuben and Rose Brown and I have nothing but fond memories of them both.

Now Rose is worthy of an entire post of her own, so I will just stick to my little side story about Reuben, or rather "Son" as he was known by most.

"Son" was cutting our grass and saw me on the concrete steps of the porch. He took a break and walked over and in his own distinct way of talking he asked "what'cha doin' ovah heyah?" I explained my plight. I was not finished and I ran out of nails.

Son said "why that ain't no problem boy, looky heyah". And with that Son picked up my hammer and proceeded to straighten a couple bent nails. He looked at me and said "see, ya got all ya need, ya just got ta fix em a bit". Son sat there with me for a few more minutes and corrected my bent nail straightening skills. Then he wiped the sweat from his brow and went back to cutting grass in the summer sun.

I managed to finish my project, whatever it was, and I brought Son out some cold water to drink when he was finished cutting the grass.

This story is really nothing special. Its just about some bent nails and a little boy. But I will always remember Son Brown every time I straighten a bent nail. And come to think of it, that is good enough reason as any to write this down.

Dragons and Cats

2006-05-08T13:07:00.000-04:00

At the prompting of my daughter, I just read the book Eragon. What a fantastic read. My hat is off to Christopher Paolini. This young man did a fantastic job. Reading through Eragon had me thinking about my dragons, Elves, Dwarves, my own writing projects, and my cats.

Cats? Yes cats.

The descriptions of the dragon Saphira resting, or her lithe movements, often made me think of my cats. And as I would read, I would often see one of the cats slinking around, coiled up to nap, jumping up to the tops of furniture, or otherwise being... a cat. So it was a mental image reinforced by what was going on around me.

But also in the back of my mind were thoughts of my own writing projects and how different they were than this fantasy. Now my projects are fantasy works, but not on the scale or in the same likeness of these kinds of tales. And that made me stop and think.

How does one write a complete book?

I mean, I know the basics and I know how to craft a story line so that it can flow without significant interruption, and with enough insight to the reader to guide them along the way. But knowing and doing are two distinct things. And distractions loom always overhead.

Somehow I need to actually complete something in order to get to the next thing. That is not as simple as it sounds. I am easily distracted and I have a family. But in writing, I can think out things in ways to explore the human condition vicariously. Enduring hardships and enjoying adventure through the actions of my fictional characters.

I guess you could say its kind of a way to explore and ease stress from the safety and comfort of my own home. Or its just something to do. Or perhaps, just perhaps, it is because these stories want to be read. At any rate, I will continue on, struggling, as it were, to complete them.

So as I think on these things, and ponder how to get back on track on my own writing, I realize I have one more task to do today. I must clean the cat's litter box. Not a pleasant task by any stretch of the imagination. But at least it is only cats. Imagine the mess two dragons would make in a litter box.

When "Red Rover, Red Rover" Goes Horribly Wrong

2006-04-13T11:56:00.000-04:00

A typical youth group night with the exception that the guys are separated from the girls for this specific lesson. So I am outside with the other adults and the guys from the youth group where they can turn the most mundane of games into a potentially dangerous adventure. Such is the way with guys.

Anyway, there we are, trying to find ways of amusing ourselves when we decide to use a long piece of rope for tug-of-war. Once I landed on my back on the pavement, and once I had some skin shredded off the back of my hand from the rope burn (not to mention my fingers were numb for about 10 minutes). But all in all, things were going well.

Then we decided to get silly and play Red Rover. Now if you are somehow unfamiliar with this child's game it is just a fun game with a little rhyme in it. Two teams line up across from each other and the members lock hands. Then the "captain" of one team says "Red Rover, Red Rover, send Billy right over" (or Mary or Tommy or Jenny or whoever). Then that person leaves their team and runs directly at the line of the other team in an attempt to break the hand-hold of two people. If they succeed in getting through, then they go back to their team and take one of the broken line with them. If they don't succeed they join that team.

And so it goes. There are variations but I think you get the idea.

Now when we were kids, we would haul butt over to the other side in an attempt to slam our way past. But we were small then. Now when you have 14-17 year old guys playing, you have more mass. Physics starts to become a concern.

So there they were. One team to my right standing in the open grass. The other team to my left, standing in the open grass about 16 feet from a brick wall. I bet you can see where this is going.

The challenge was on. Guys like a challenge and typically play with enthusiasm when physical violence is involved -- they have a saying in youth group that "its all fun and games until someone gets hurt, then its hilarious". So they played a while and then one of the other guys who is already out of youth group but was at church decided to play.

By this time there was enough testosterone in the air to paint the parking lot with it.

So the newcomer gets called over and he runs straight at the line and goes for a stronger pair instead of an easier target. And he runs right into their interlocked hands which fling open at his mighty rushing force. Now remember that wall that was 16 feet away? It was still there and a speeding teenager can cover 16 feet faster than they wished.

Yep, he smacked head first into the brick wall. He literally ran into a brick wall. We all heard the thud when he hit. And then he rebounded back and down to the ground he went. Ouch is an understatement. Now I have to admit, I ran into a masonry wall before and when I did, I ended up with 16 stitches. So I know it hurts.

So there he lay, the hapless victim of "Red Rover". Everyone rushed over to see the damage. One minor scrape on the chin, a small cut on the cheek, a large swollen and cut bump above one eye, and and umistakable brick imprint over his eyebrow. Despite the circumstances, he was doing quite well. He was hurt to be sure, but alert and able to answer questions. It did take a while to get up though.

He did hurt his wrist as well as he tried to stop himself. In the end, he went to the hospital to have the wrist looked at. That is when they decided to put in 3 stitches above the eye, set the right broken wrist in a cast, and set the left broken arm in a cast up to the elbow.

Is there a point to this story? No. It is just a description of what happens when "Red Rover" goes horribly wrong.

Our final advice to our friend was to tell everyone who asks "you should see the other guy!"

Sense of Accomplishment

2006-03-27T09:51:00.000-05:00

There is nothing like having a sense of accomplishment. It feels good to know you got something done. It seems all too often I am involved in activities that have long drawn out paths and uncertain endings. Many times changes in priorities can cause an activity to be put on hold or eliminated completely. But everyone needs to complete something or they will go mad.

Last week, I completed several work items (finally) and I sent them off. I also finished a couple minor projects at home. So I was on a roll. While I still have vast amounts of unfinished work (paying work and home stuff), I am moving forward again. But I did something Saturday that kind of topped everything.

We have a small field that had not been mowed in several years. There were thickets of briars and even some small trees popping up. We plan on using that field as a paddock and I knew it needed to be cut soon before it got completely out of hand. The field also has a gully and a fairly steep side, so I knew it would not be easy cutting it. Parts of it were so bad I could not walk into it with the chainsaw to take out some of the bigger young trees.

So Saturday I fired up the tractor, got the Bush Hog in full spin, and started into the field. I got scratched by more briars than I can count. I cut down more saplings than I care to think about. And then I had to head down the steep back side into the gully. That was the most disconcerting part. Several times in the gully the mower got hung up. I finally had to put the tractor into four wheel drive to finish it out.

Once I cut my way into the thickest part, I was able to come in with the chainsaw and take out the bigger saplings. And then it was back in the saddle to finish it up. This was where I also realized that in four wheel drive, I could mow up that steep hill. That was cool.

As I was cutting through all this entanglement, I began to see order come out of chaos. I was making progress and it felt good. It was a tangible result to my efforts and something I have found, every man needs now and then. Progress and accomplishment are good.

Well after I finished, I drove the tractor back up to the top of the hill on the way back to the house. I had to stop and just survey my work. It was decent but not perfect. I still need to get closer to the fence line and I have some more finish work to do, but to see that field cleared was a very welcome sense of accomplishment.

Yes I was having fun. Yes I feel good about getting something done.

But why did I write this post? I suppose just so I could share about cutting the field. However I seriously have to say that the feeling of accomplishment was something I needed and I think most people do need every so often. Too often we feel stymied by the world, like we have no effect on anything. Too often we feel powerless and even sometimes just like we can't keep up with life.

I know I will have to cut that field regularly now, but I took on a task, worked at it, had a result, and I got that oh so important sense of accomplishment. I think it is important for everyone to know that feeling every now and then.

And now you have finished reading this post. You undertook its reading and you completed it. Doesn't that feel good? :-)

Bad Things and Contradictory Prayers

2006-03-08T11:54:00.000-05:00

Ever have bad things happen to you? Ever been involved with bad things and contradictory prayers? I have. Contradictory prayers are ones where you pray for A and someone else prays for B and A and B are totally opposite.

It is too easy to presume that if something happens or does not happens then it has something to do with one prayer have precedence over the other. I do not think the result has to necessarily be dependent on whether or not one person's prayers are more correct or stronger than anothers. I also do not think that God is so casual in answering prayer. What I do see amazes me.

How does God decide what to do in contradictory prayers? God does not pick and choose to answer prayers at random and He does not merely look at contradictory prayers and try to deal with them as they come. Instead God works in each of us all the time. His work is so complete in us we have no idea it happens and cannot often see the result until after the fact. It is not that God reacts to our contradicting prayers. It is that God works through our lives and causes us to pray the prayers we each pray.

Now clearly, if you are praying only for yourself, there is a good chance your heart might not be in the right place for that prayer. Usually I have found that when you are praying for others is when your heart is right. But that does not preclude prayers for deliverance and self. I can see where it looks like God answers one person's prayer and not another's and it can be confusing. That is until we realize we are not God, can never be, and must not try to contain God in human reasoning.

What I realize now is that I know for an absolute fact of the universe (as given to me through the Holy Spirit in my daily walk with Him) is that God allows terrible things to happen to people at times, not to reward some and punish others, but to accomplish His will. It is part of His discipline of those whom He loves.

This disciplining process can be very thorough and will remove sin and impediments to our walk with Christ. But we don't necessarily like discipline. Consider Hebrews 12:11

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

So when a person can look at a situation and see beyond their own hurt and realize that God is not punishing them, but everything that happens is somehow "sequenced" as part of a bigger plan of God, then we can see Him at work. That is when we began to look with eyes that we did not have previously.

Through all of my discipline and personal experience, God showed me many errors I had. I have been refined as we all are being refined in our lives. And through that refining fire I came to see passages of the Bible that I never saw before. Not because I had not read them, but because I could not see until then. I know there are still some scales on my eyes, and that is why I seek God daily and read and absorb the Scriptures not from a standpoint of my own foolishness, but of God's purpose, love, justice, and mercy.

I feel that it was needed to be said: not all things can be fixed. Some things God destroys. But God does not leave holes in the lives of His followers. God replaces what is destroyed so that He may fill it with something better that suits His purposes.

So then, on the other side of those experiences, we can look back and say "it was terrible, I never want to go through that again, I will do anything and everything to avoid it in the future, but yet I know that God is in control". That is when God meets us at the place He brings us to.

Think of Hebrews 12:7

It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?

Morning Walks

2006-03-03T13:45:00.000-05:00

I have recently become a remote tele-commuter and I work out of my home. I am still new to this and I found that I was having difficulty staying awake around mid-morning. My wife suggested that I take a morning walk to wake me up before I start work. Well, this post is about my walk this morning.

When I stepped outside this morning, it was still quite chilly and I had my camo jacket and camo hat on. I zipped up my jacket all the way and started off the back deck. As I walked down the gravel driveway, our coon hound Millie got up from a nap and started walking with me. We walked past the front of the house and headed toward the back of the farm.

Millie would walk ahead and frequently stop and look back. Such is the nature of a dog and a mystery why God created such an animal and friend of man. She was never far from me. Her nose was in constant motion as she sniffed out things that I did not know were there. She would criss-cross my path and go bounding into the woods after something she flushed out.

I continued across the creek and into a well overgrown field. We plan on renovating this field for use as a pasture and I just wanted to take a look. After I walked to the middle of it, I was in chest high briars and brambles. I had not seen Millie for about 10 minutes. As I started down the hill toward the creek again, there she was.

Exiting the field was as dangerous as entering it with all the briars and undergrowth. But soon I was in the woods again, heading back toward the creek. I crossed the first fork of this little creek and stopped in the middle of a clearing. I could hear the rustle of leaves everywhere and hear so many different bird calls I could not identify very many of them.

A little further on and I heard the barking of many squirrels and more birds. I stood there in my own silence listening to the hustle and bustle of woodland life going on around me. I would have stayed there for hours except I was supposed to be starting work soon. So I reluctantly started back toward the house. Step by step I listened intently to the sounds around me and crossed the second fork of the creek.

I had been treated to a woodland symphony with no meter and no key. What would seem to many as disorganized and sporadic calls and chirps, to me was a composition by the One who created it all. No melody to hum, no beat to tap a foot to, but a music that reaches directly to the soul.

I finally got back to the house and rejoined the world. I took my shower, powered up my computer, and went to work. But in my head I heard the birds and squirrels singing their part of the grand score.

I like these morning walks. Today is a good day.

Stampede!

2006-02-23T13:35:00.000-05:00

The morning began as any other typical morning. As I started my day, I had no idea of the horror that was to be unleashed in our own back yard.

I was just leaving for the post office when I stepped out onto the back deck. That is when I first heard that unmistakable baying of hounds giving chase. There were many of them and they were wound up into such a frenzy it was just a continuous din of dogs. This cacophony of predators so near my house was unnerving.

I stood there and listened. I was not sure if I should just go back in the house or continue on to my car 60 feet away. Then I heard my own dog Millie. Being a coon hound she was naturally curious as to what the noise was all about. But Millie is not a bold dog. I began to wonder if I should fear for her as well.

I called to Millie to get her back in the house before this horde of hounds came sweeping up the hillside. As Millie came rounding the house from the front, I caught my first glimpse of teeth and terror coming toward the both of us.

There they were. A stampeding brigade of baby beagles.

There must have been a dozen of them. They moved in unearthly ways and seemed to have a flocking instinct that kept the pack moving in the same general direction. What was the morning to hold for me? Was this to be my end? Was I to be eaten alive by pudgy puppies?

I watched the horde swarm up the hillside, carefully avoid the wet spot in our septic tank's drain field, and then continue their relentless march over the next ridge. I was spared.

I can still hear their calls of death in my ears. Oh will time remove this memory of horror or must I forever remember this as...

The Day of the Beagle Babies

[dun-dun-dun, sounds of 1950s scifi B movies]

With enough bone-chilling adventure to keep you on the edge of your seat. Coming to the woods near you. Taxes, title, and tags not included, your mileage may vary, keep out of reach of children. Do not operate a motor vehicle if you are a baby beagle.

I Hate Being Sick

2006-02-20T22:28:00.000-05:00

I really do hate being sick. It kind of feels like "failure". Now I know that is not the reality of it, but when I am sick I don't do all the things I need to do. So I feel that I let others down.

Some weeks ago, I got a sinus infection. Now I have had perpetual sinus infections since I was a kid. So this was nothing new to me. So I fought it off the best I could without going to the doctor. And I managed to keep up my chores and duties.

Then it really hit me. And I mean hit me hard. Instead of just a stuffy nose, I was running fevers, coughing, and my nose was starting to bleed from the infection. In other words, it whipped me.

Well about the same time, my daughter came down with near identical symptoms (except for the nose bleed thing) and we were both miserable. Aches, pains, fevers, coughing, sore throat, the works.

Now shortly before we got hit by this, my son had this kind of thing. But he did what comes natural to him, he slept. He literally slept for 2 days. And you know what, he did not have as many problems as us and it did not last as long. But my daughter and I are still miserable, but being tended to lovingly.

Now let me tell you about my wife. My wife is awesome. She has taken care of me and her step-daughter unlike anything I could have imagined. She has seen to it to lessen our afflictions in all ways she could possibly. And she picked up my slack and was doing the things I should have been doing. I am a blessed man.

Now it was at the urging of my wife though that I finally decided to take myself and my daughter to the doctor. So today, we drove 34 miles to an "urgent care" facility. It is one of the few places you can get in without making an appointment months in advance it seems. Anyway we show up this Monday morning and I knew there would be a wait. When the lady told me the wait would be about 1 hour and 45 minutes, that was ok, we needed to be there.

So my daughter and I sat in the waiting room and watched some daytime tv. We watched Tyra, The Price Is Right, Dr. Phil, and a little bit of a soap, before we finally got into the doctor. That is because we ended up waiting 3 hours and 20 minutes to get in to see the doctor.

Now once in the exam room, we were there only 15 minutes. The doctor looked up our noses, in our ears, and in our throats. He came back with prescriptions for a couple of Z-packs and some cough suppressant, and we were on our way.

So tonight, we have already taken the first dose of our Z-packs. My wife made me take a bath in epsom salts to ease the general aches. And I took my cough suppressant. So right now, I feel much better. I know I have a ways to go yet, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. The last few nights of barely sleeping and coughing all night long were really taking a toll.

So I hate being sick. But I got to see love in action while I was sick. My wife loved me through all those aches and pains. My wife loved her step daughter like her very own child as well. Because I was sick, I have an even deeper appreciation of my wife. I suppose I could say I was blessed with being sick.

I still hate being sick though.

"Every man needs a tractor"

2006-02-10T15:02:00.000-05:00

We have a lot of projects to work on here at the farm. And the problem is, we simply did not have the right tools. We have major work to be done and we had no equipment. So we had been talking about getting a tractor for a few weeks. We knew we needed one and we were going to get one, but we did not know when or how.

So the other day, we just stopped in our local John Deere dealer and asked if they had any used tractors for sale. It just so happens that they were getting in a trade-in with only 60 hours on the engine. We came back the day it arrived to see it. It was the right size, the right horsepower, and available at a decent price. Not only that but it already had a bush hog rear attachment and a front end loader attachment.

It smelled of diesel fuel and had me mesmerized. And it was in the right color too: John Deere Green.

Anyway, this is all new to me. I never had a tractor before, or a reason to have one. So I relied on my wife for her evaluation. And after we talked it over, and I inspected the condition a little more closely, we signed the papers and scheduled the delivery.

So now we have a tractor. Of course, the wife thinks of it as a piece of equipment. I think of it as the biggest toy I have ever had :-)

The day it arrived, the guys unloaded and left. I had no manual, no experience, and no idea how to even get it started. So off to the Internet. I downloaded the appropriate manual and in a few minutes I had the basics down for starting the beast. After a quick read through the operations section I had the controls fairly well memorized.

So out I go with key in hand to have my first tractor driving experience. It was fun, it was cool, yeah I wasn't so good at first. But I am getting better.

Now the funny part. I was convinced that it would fit under the carport roof. My wife was not so sure. But since she wasn't around, I decided to try it out. It was just about 3 inches too high. It was obvious when it bent the aluminum flashing on the carport roof. So what comes next is obvious. This thing has a front end loader. I am sitting on dirt. Time to play.

So I dug my way into my own carport. I basically scooped out a few inches and then used the bucket to smooth it as best I could. It now fits. And there is even one half inch to spare.

Now just the other day our pastor stopped by to drop off my daughter who had been over to see his daughter. He saw our tractor and after we praised it for a bit, he said "every man needs a tractor." And the funny thing is, here on the farm, he is exactly right. Every man, and I must point out every woman as well, needs a tractor on a farm.

So we have a tractor and we both can operate it. I think my wife was a bit frustrated that I tried to hog all the driving time when we were moving the manure pile around. When you have horses, you have manure. Anyway, I know she is the better tractor operator of the two of us and has years more experience than I do. So I need more practice anyway :-)

I think maybe tomorrow there is definitely some rock or dirt that needs to be moved. In fact, I am sure I will find some. And when I do, I will think to myself, every man needs a tractor.

Mawage

2006-01-02T10:46:00.000-05:00

Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam...

Some of you may recognize this quote of the impressive clergyman from the movie The Princess Bride. The impressive clergyman had a highly pronounced speech impediment. But he had a heart for marriage and a romantic soul. Well maybe not. But why do I mention this? And why after several weeks of not posting?

Announcement time folks. I have recently married and I have been too busy to fiddle around online. Real life rules! And some times it gets REAL busy. So just in the month of December, I moved my kids and all my stuff from Texas to North Carolina. And on December 22, yes just 3 days before Christmas, I married my lovely bride Amy.

And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva...

And true love it is. This marriage and this arrangement was put together by God (I posted about it some months ago) and is true and deep love. And now we let the love overflow into our new family. This family is an amalgam (mercury-free) of the five dissimilar children from the two broken families. We are building a new life and a new family around Christ and in our love for God and our love for each other.

So tweasure your wuv.

And that is exactly what we intend to do, to treasure our family as a precious gift from God, given to two broken people as God has promised to do good things for His children. And as we have sought to keep our lives holy to God in all we do, we also seek to keep our family centered around God. We treasure this opportunity and we are thankful.

Have you the wing?

So now I am wearing a wedding band on my finger again. It feels good to know that its there. I know it is not any magic of the ring, or any other magic that keeps our marriage blessed and full of love. I know it requires work and dedication. And as we work to merge the two households into one (in terms of stuff), the two sets of kids into one (oy vey), and as we blend our lives completely together, we know that it takes both of us to make it work. As my uncle would say "hard work and sweet oil". I don't really know what sweet oil is, but it sounds good.

Man an' wife.

Today we are man and wife. But unlike the marriage (or is that mawage) of Buttercup to Humperdink, our marriage is mutually pledged and mutually bonded. I strive to be the servant leader of our home and my wife strives to be the loving helper in all things. We are a team, built on the scriptural model of marriage and working together for each other and our family.

We truly are man and wife. I think I will go kiss the bride now.

Cat Prints

2005-12-02T13:06:00.000-05:00

Cats are interesting and intriguing creatures. God must have really been laughing when He created cats. Cats can exhibit curiosity, fear, stubbornness, anger, determination, playfulness, and all other range of characteristics. When playing with a cat they can go from neutral to sadistic then to masochistic and end up disinterested in about 10 seconds. At times I think that they are part of the curse of a fallen world. At other times part of the blessing.

So my daughter decides to do her school science project on cats. Not just cats in general. She wanted to know if cats have "finger prints". We all know cats have paw prints, but she wanted to know if they have "finger prints" on their paws.

Now if you know anything about cats you know that you don't just walk up to the cat, ink their paw and press it on a piece of paper. First of all when the cat sees you coming to them without food they immediately assume the worst and make a run for it. After all, they know they are so obnoxious that humans would not voluntarily seek them out to play with them. So the chase begins.

Now once you catch a cat, what do you do? You have a twisting fur ball with a heart rate of something like 300 bpm that is trying to wrest itself free from your grasp. So it takes two humans to control one cat. Already this is a bad trend.

Well, suffice it to say, you can, with enough gentle... persuasion... convince the cat that you will not kill it in the process. Though you may kill it later as a result of the process and their reactions. However, eventually you can calm the cat down enough to take a paw print.

Now once you get the print, you are so relieved you release the cat. And off it goes, leaving one black paw print on your carpet. That is why you tell your daughter she needs washable ink because you foresaw this eventuality.

So then you look at the print. You got the paw pads, and fur, and smudges, and a scratch, and blood, and you need to get the cat for round two, then three, then... well, you get the picture.

In the end my daughter managed through this process and our two cats were no worse for the wear, though they both lost some fur in the process. It seems that when you freak a cat out, they tend to shed fur. I think they must have some kind of squid complex and try to leave a smoke screen of fur.

So her conclusions? Cats do indeed have some kind of finger print though she realizes that it would take thousands of prints to even begin to determine if they might be unique. And in typical kid fashion, she completed her display board the night before it was due. Some things never change I guess.

Still, I am glad that days of just doing a volcano are gone and the kids are encouraged to do something a bit different. I think I may convince her next year to do something that does not require bloodshed and live animals. Maybe she can do cold fusion :-)

Turning 40

2005-11-15T18:34:00.000-05:00

Well, I turned 40 years old the other day. I had for a long time been dreading that birthday. I had visions of waking up and not being able to move, needing a cane, and in general, just being old. I don't know why I thought that, but I did. I guess when you are 30-something seeing the "4" in front of an age is just scary. But I don't know why. It is just the way it is. So now I am in a new demographic bracket. Such is life.

Yet, this birthday was even more joyful than I ever imagined. It was joyful not because of any "things". It was joyful because of God's blessings on me this past year. Since I turned 39, my life turned completely upside down. A lot of the cruft in my life was sifted out. A lot of bad habits and bad ideas were put behind me. And in the end, I am still here, with my two dear children. I have no wife, but I have my kids.

And not only did I have my kids with me, but I also had one certain blonde woman that flew 1000 miles to see me on my birthday. That woman is my lovely fiancee, Amy. She is an awesome woman and I am a blessed man for having known her. I am so blown away by God in His blessings to me, I cannot begin to tell you all how wonderful I feel at 40.

This is all due to God's grace in my life. And He manifested a huge portion of it by blessing me with Amy, the most awesome, intelligent, wonderful, thoughtful, considerate, steadfast, loving, and affectionate woman I have ever known. Period. She is so beautiful, she is so loving, and I am overwhelmed to even try and tell you all about her.

Thank you Amy. Because of you, I don't feel 40. I feel much younger, and I am in love with you. With you, I am stronger, I am more confident, I am more of a man. Thank you Lord for your gift of Amy to me. I will cherish her all the days of my life.

I can say in all honesty, it is good to be 40.

3... 2... 1... Contacts

2005-10-30T21:14:00.000-05:00

I have had to do many things as a single father. Especially in regards to the education I have undergone when it comes to my daughter. Now being male, I tend to think I understand my son a lot better than I understand my daughter. I know that this thought is just an illusion, but I like to think I do anyway.

So the school did a routine check of my daughter's eyes and sent home a note that she needs to have her eyes checked. Well it could have been worse, it could have said she needs to have her head examined. Of course, I think I need my head examined now after just a few months at the helm of this single dad family. But back to the point.

I took my daughter to the place America goes for everything from motor oil to tooth picks and shotgun shells, Walmart. We were directed to an outside door I had never noticed before even though it was on the front of the building. I guess, since it was not one of the two main entrances, I just never noticed it. But here we were in a room in Walmart I never knew existed.

So the optometrist began to check her eyes. And she had to go further and further up the chart. Yep, it was amazing she could focus on the board at school at all. She definitely needed glasses. But she was insistent that she get contacts. That may be a problem.

My daughter has her mom's vision, but she has my eyes. Squinty. Neither of us can open our eyes very far and I know what is involved in contacts. So I suggested extended wear lenses so the amount of frustration would be kept to a minimum.

So we get her contacts and a starter pack of solution and drops. And we dutifuly go back into Walmart to the vision center for a free instruction on how to put the contacts in. This is where life takes a turn for the really frustrating.

Two hours. It took two hours for my teenage daughter to get these contacts in her eyes. She would try to hold her eyes open and as the contact came close, she would nearly spasm and blink until they would not go in. Over and over we tried. Again and again. Ad nauseum.

So finally we got the contacts in after I was finally frustrated and she had resorted to frustration and tears. It was either a growing experience for us both, or a shared bit of pain. Either fits :-)

So now she has contacts and she can see. It was worth if if my little girl can see. But oh the pain. And that does not even account for the cost. Oh the things we must do for our kids. She is worth it. But the next time she has to change those contacts, she will be on her own :-)

Things You Never Expect...

2005-10-24T23:04:00.000-04:00

Or you ever want to see!

Well, I flew to NC over a week ago to see my dear future wife, Amy. It was awesome. We spent 48 hours together and it was not nearly enough time to be with her. We drove around the area. I met her parents. We had an easy, relaxing, and wonderful weekend together.

On Saturday we drove to a little town in SC. We stopped at a tack and feed store just to look around. That is the kind of shopping a horse addict does :-) And I think its wonderful and cannot wait to be married to this beautiful, loving, understanding, and crazy woman. She is crazy because she said "yes" to me,

While at this store, I bought a small bottle of Coke. One of the glass kind. The kind that needs a bottle opener. Now where I am from, we call those openers "church keys". I don't why, but that is just what they were called. So I asked the girl at the register if she had a "church key". She said "a what?" So I said "something to open this bottle with". She said "oh. I don't think so, let me ask".

She then turned to another teenage girl clerk behind her and asked "do you have something to open this bottle with?" The girl looked at us and said "prepare to be amazed."

Now when someone says "prepare to be amazed", you tend to think it is just bravado and they are just being silly. Oh, but now we come to the title of this post. This young girl was about to amaze us. She could not have been much more than 16. But she was about to prove her worth.

She takes the bottle from me and holds it up to her mouth. Then using nothing but her teeth she begins to remove the bottle cap. To counter the force and continue the removal, she then used her tongue to press against the bottle cap as she lifted it with her teeth.

Yes, we were amazed. Shocked actually. Slightly disgusted. But amazed none the less.

The first girl, who was thoroughly grossed out, said "they are not going to want to drink it now that you rolled your tongue on it." So this impressive bottle opener wipes down the open end of the bottle with the underside of her sleeve. Yes, basically her arm pit. I am not making this up.

So what do you do when things you never expect happen?

I did the most gallant thing a man could do. I said "Well I am amazed and impressed. I want to shake your hand." And I did shake her hand. The first clerk said "you're not going to drink that are you?" I responded in my manliest means possible, so as to not be shown up by a little girl, "if she is going to open it like that, then yes I am going to drink it."

So I did, I took the first big swig. I then handed the bottle to Amy. Who looked at me as if to say "I cannot believe I am doing this" but what she said was "well, you got most of the germs off of it anyway" and she tipped it up and took a swig.

Now how could you beat that?

Well I didn't want to try to beat that. But we did finish the botlle of Coke together. I think Amy did take the last drink, getting all my backwash anyway. So there it is. Things you never expect, and never really wanted to see.

I hope this is just a small sample of the fun, adventures, and good spirits that Amy and I will share together. I can handle all things with her by my side. I love you Amy.

It is not good for the man to be alone...

2005-10-20T13:22:00.000-04:00

Genesis 2:18-24

¹⁸ The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
¹⁹ Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.

But for Adam no suitable helper was found. ²¹ So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs ^{[ i]} and closed up the place with flesh. ²² Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

    ²³ The man said,
       "This is now bone of my bones
       and flesh of my flesh;
       she shall be called 'woman, '
       for she was taken out of man."

²⁴ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

I think that is one of the most beautiful examples of God showing mercy and compassion for His children. God is the creator of everything and His ways are infinite. But He took the time to care for Adam and He individually crafted a helper for Him. And thus Adam had Eve.

Well if anyone has read my previous blog entries, you would realize that I am divorced with two teenagers at home full time. The more astute among you would also have picked up that it was not good for THIS man to be alone either. This past year has been difficult to say the least. But here we are surviving it. Yet we are not just surviving, we are in fact thriving.

God has taken compassion and shown mercy to this man. At a time when I was not looking for love, love found me all the same. And this love, was not found in worldly romance or traditional means. Instead, God used the Internet to bring us together. Yes, that vile object of hate and rejection, the Internet, can itself be used for God's purposes.

It was from posting on a Christian forum site in a thread on divorce that God gave a woman, herself hurting and raising kids alone, the gentle nudge to send me a simple email to say "thanks for your post". And God opened our hearts and our minds to each other. God allowed us to look past hurt, rejection, broken trust, and painful memories to allow ourselves to see love brought by God Himself. A precious gift to His children.

That is how I met Amy.

It is with shouts of praise to God and hallelujahs that I now have joy in telling you that what was once broken and undone, has by God been healed and made new.

After talking for quite a while, I flew to see Amy. I asked Amy to marry me. She said "yes" without hesitation. So I can happily say that we are officially engaged.

While I know the manner and timing of our wonderful news of our engagement will certainly cause some to pause and wonder, I ask that you look beyond what the world sees and says. Look with your hearts and take joy with us in this wonderful and awesome work of God in our lives.

It is to God's glory I want to sing hallelejah from the tops of mountains with all of my breath and all of my strength in adoration for God has been most merciful to me and my children.

Amy, I love you.

Super-Hero Usher Action

2005-09-26T08:58:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I filled in for a missing usher at church. As I stood there handing out the service bulletins, greeting people as they came in the sanctuary, my daughter came in and sat down near where I was standing. She said "dad, you've got that super-hero usher action thing going". This cracked me up. I guess I never thought of an usher as an action figure.

But as I thought about this, I began to think about ushers in our church. It is not just handing out a bulletin and trying to point people to a row with enough available seats for their entourage. It is about serving God by serving people.

As a substitute assistant usher third class, all I had to do was hand out bulletins, take up the offering, smile a bit, and that is about it. No there is no title for usher other than just "usher". I just like to be funny.

I am reminded of the story of the 3 men laying bricks to build a new church.Someone asked the first brick layer "what are you making?". To which he replied "about $16 an hour, which is not too bad right now". Someone asked the second brick layer "what are you making?". To which he replied "I am making a living and keeping my family fed and in a house'. Then someone asked the third brick layer "what are you making?". To which he replied "I am making a cathedral! A house of worship for the only living and true God!".

So its not the job or the service that makes the difference. It is the attitude in doing it. And if our attitude is good and we do our best, then God is pleased.

man: What are you doing?

usher: I am ushing.

man: Oh.

usher: And in the process, I try to make your day better, greet you wiith a smile, provide you with assistance as needed, and I serve the only living and true God.

Thanks to all you ushers out there. Next month, I will be a "regular" usher and not a substitute usher third class. I will work on perfecting that "separate the bulletins extending hand with the proper number of bulletins and smile and say good morning" super-hero action.

Started The Ball Rolling

2005-09-09T14:57:00.000-04:00

Ok, in my previous entry, I described the ridiculous book that my daughter checked out from her middle school library. If you are unaware, check my previous entry. Well, I have now started the ball rolling to get something done about it.

After we had "meet the teacher" night at the middle school, I decided that it was a good time to approach the subject of that book with my daughter's teacher. So yesterday I wrote the teacher a very nice email that basically said I don't blame her (the teacher) for anything, I wanted to make her aware of the situation, and I would like her help in guiding my daughter in making better choices for reading assignments. I also told her that I was going to pursue having that particular book removed from the library.

So now I am in the wait and see mode. We shall see what comes of this. I still presume that she did not know about the specific material or she had forgotten about it. I am not trying find someone to point a finger at. I just want help in guiding my daughter to better reading material.

We shall see.

Oh My Word

2005-08-26T20:50:00.000-04:00

My daughter brought home a library book today from public school. She went to the library and she has to always have an "accelerated reading" book checked out for her reading class. These books must be a certain level for their advanced reading.

The book my daughter brought home is called Stardust by Neil Gaiman. My daughter showed me some pages in this book that I could not believe. In fact this book contains sexually explicit material and was recommended to my 8th grade daughter by her reading teacher. She showed her teacher the book and her teacher's response was "This really is a good book.".

The book is set in the English countryside in the 20th century (I think). There is a thread in this book that involves a young man who cheats on his girlfriend and has sex with a witch's slave. Yes that is what I said, sex with a witch's slave. This was recommended reading for my 8th grade daughter. It is not just an allusion to sex. It describes it.

I have to forewarn you that this material is explicit but I am including a small part of it here. I have put the text in reverse video color. To view it,highlight the following block. The following is a direct quote from the book:

There was a moment of hesitation, and then her mouth opened against his, andd her tongue slid into his mouth, and he was irrevocably, lost.

He had kissed before, with the girls of the village, but he had gone no further.

His hand felt her small breasts through the silk of her dress, touched the hard nubs of her nipples. She clung to him, hard, as if she was drowning, fumbling with his shirt, with his britches.

She was so small; he was scared he would hurt her and break her. He did not. She wriggled and writhed beneath him, grasping and kicking, and guiding him with her hand.

She placed a hundred burning kisses on his face and chest, and then she was above him, straddling him, grasping and laughing, sweating and slippery as a minnow, and he was arching ad pushing and exulting, his head full of her and only her, and had he known her name he would have called it out aloud.

At the end, he would have pulled out, but she held him inside her, wrapped her legs around him, pushed against him so hard that he felt that the two of them occupied the same place in the universe.

This is erotic stuff even for an adult. Can you believe that is considered appropriate reading for a 13 year old girl? I can't. I have not decided what I am going to do. I have talked to my daughter and she has a good head on her shoulders. We shall be watching this situation as the year unfolds.

Second Week Coming To A Close

2005-08-25T16:44:00.000-04:00

As we come to the close of a second week of public school, I can now see things start to normalize. Also I remember my school days and I have to say things are much better in some ways, worse in others, and a lot of it was the same as I remembered it. One area of improvement for sure is in paying for lunch. Back in the old days, we had to exchange clam shells... Well not quite. But we bought individual lunch chips. Now my kids have PIN codes and the account is kept filled by credit card. I like that. Also an improvement is that high school here has A and B days with longer class times. The class times in my day were so short you could not get anything done really. I liket this new way. And when I was in junior high (we did not have middle school), we had rotating periods each week. I hated that.

As for those things that are worse, I will catalog them in this blog as I encounter them. For now the worst things are basically the academics. I don't like "teaching for the test", and I don't like that the level of academics taught is lower than what my kids were used to.

The other thing I have noticed is that the kids had it soft in home school. When they get pushed in PE to do more now, or they feel a little under the weather, they want to have a day off. That will NOT work. So in a good way, public school is forcing them to be less "soft", to have more fortitude. Definitely a good thing.

Stay tuned citizens. There are more updates in the coming months. But I think for now, I have said enough about this adventure.

First Week of Public School Post Mortem

2005-08-22T08:05:00.000-04:00

So far the venture into the public school system has been less than stellar. I can't say this has been easy or rewarding. It has been nothing but a hassle and disappointing. Let me start with a recap of the road traveled thus far.

Made the decision very late in the spring to go public school
Started the process by calling the school, found out that there is paperwork required - no surprise there
Found out that my son can start taking 11th grade classes, but must take tests to get credits for 9th and 10th grade - 10 in all
Found out that my daughter coult not just go straight to 9th grade as her birthday fell after the Sep 1 cutoff date
Found out she could take tests (of course) to go for a year's advancement
Signed up both kids for school
Made several expeditions to get all shots and immunization in order - it cost me $65
Finally secured all the medical stuff
Kids took the tests
Daughter did not pass
Son passed some, needs to retake some others
Neither took this seriously
Signed up daughter for middle school the week before classes start
First day of school, daughter's bus was late, she shows up at school, they have no record of her
First day of school, son forgets which bus was his, has to call for help to get a ride home
Bus continues to run late for daughter for 3 days - did not even show up on 3rd day
Spent around 25 minutes on the phone with the man from the bus route supervisor's office that day
And finally they made it through their first week.

So there you have it, a 3 month long ordeal that I underestimated completely. This has been a rough summer. This has been a rough start to a school year. And while the kids do seem to like public school, they are already under-impressed with the academic instruction. So from their perspectives and my own, here is our take on the Texas public school system in our independent school district:

The system is typified by chaos
There are literally dozens of papers to be signed by the parents in the first week for redundant reasons
The work is easy, almost to being ridiculous - my daughter colored a cow in 8th grade English class one day, then cut cows out the next
School lunches are better than they anticipated
The focus of classes has been stated to being centered on doing well on the standardized state tests
Discipline is not totally broken down, but there is little respect for authority
The system is nearly broken

Those are the perspectives from me and both kids each of which have had 4 years of home school following private school. Are we being unfair? Maybe, so far they have had a much different kind of education. And I will add that the depth and level of private and home school curriculum and education far exceeds the public school system as demonstrated by this first week. We shall keep an open mind and see what unfolds in the following weeks.

Finally, The Bus Arrives on Time

2005-08-18T22:11:00.000-04:00

It was the fourth day of public school for the kids. And this morning, my daughter's bus finally came on time AND they did not have to stay exceptionally late before coming home. Can you believe it? Let's hope this is a normal thing and not a flash in the pan.

So far, they seem to like school. Things are going pretty well. As the days and weeks unfold, I will give more accounts as to the teenage life in public school that I glean from my kids. But for now I have learned the following:

Apparently 98% of the kids use foul language
Most kids talk too much in class
School lunches are not too bad
The day doesn't drag as long as home school days.

Well that is all I have for now. Stay tuned for more updates on our adventures in Texas public schools.

Public School Day 3

2005-08-18T00:20:00.000-04:00

My daughter's first day of school was rough, as I posted already. My son's was pretty good. Their second day was better, and their third day was getting more routine. So all in all, it is going pretty well. Except for... the bus.

There is no doubt about. My daughter has the one bus that cannot be on time at all. The first day it was about 15 minutes late which meant she was late for her first day of school. The second day, it was about 15 minutes late again. But this morning. This morning was ridiculous. It was over 20 minutes late and she missed most of her first period class. And apparently they had to send a different bus to get her and the other kids in the end. Where was the bus driver? Apparently he did not show. After school had already started, two buses show up at the same time to get them. Apparently they were dispatched in a hurry. And on the way to school, they still missed some kids.

So this disgruntled father gets on the phone to the bus route supervisor. I was angry, frustrated, and not ready to listen to excuses. I did listen, but I did not like being patronized. I was persistent and I did finally get some information. Apparently they had planned their bus routes using a set of assumptions about traffic flow that did not pan out.

The same buses are used to shuttle kids to high school first thing in the morning. Then they head back out to get the elementary school kids. And finally they make their way back out for the middle school kids. Apparently the traffic problems leaving the high school in the morning is causing an accumulated delay.

At least that was the explanatiion by the very patient but yet really wanting to not have to talk to me man was saying.

Now the plot thickens for the return home today. School was let out and the kids assembled where the bus would pick them up. Only there is no bus for them. It did not come at all. Finally, after about 45 minutes, another bus that had completed its route comes around for my daughter and the rest of the distraught kids to take them home. My daughter arrives home over an hour after school lets out. We live less than 2 miles from the school.

Let us pray that the bus arrives on time in the morning. And I will be there. Oh yes, I will be waiting. And I want to see that bus come on time. I will be watching them. And I will have my cell phone ready. And that little man at the bus route supervisor's office might be even more flustered if it is late again.